Wednesday, 27 June 2012
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He's Giving Me Mixed Signals
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. We had that lovey-dovey type of relationship. Those types of relationships that others apparently "envied" so much. We always joked and teased each other. We were comfortable. We enjoyed spending time together. We had our bumps along the road and no matter what the situation was, we always found a way back to each other. He used to believe in "no sex before marriage."
When I say, "used to," I think everyone knows what that means. We did sleep together. Since then, everything changed. We were still inseparable, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were always together, we were exclusive... Well, that's what I thought.What happened? Two months ago he started acting strange.
He told me I deserved better, that I should move on, everything to him was "sketchy," etc. I didn't know what he meant by that. I found out that he slept with another girl... His explanation today still isn't as clear. Not that it matters because I made it clear plenty of times that I would not get back together with someone who cheated on me. Obviously, I was heartbroken, angry and I haven't see him since then.
We didn't speak for a month and I received a text message two weeks ago from him saying that he missed me, he was depressed, and he made a mistake. Last week he texted me saying that he had a dream about me and that he thinks about me at night. Again, I have no intention of getting back together with him because I don't trust him. I don't think I can see him the same anymore... but at the same time, I care about him. A lot.This week is different... he started drifting away. He stopped answering my text messages. I see him flirting with a few girls. I even heard from him that he doesn't see the point in waiting to have sex with another person because he can't exactly, "re-lose" his virginity again. My brother tells me that he thought something was going on between him and some other girl but he could possibly be wrong.
I even approached his best friend about it, wondering what has been going on since my ex-boyfriend's actions were completely different from what he was telling me. His best friend said that he hasn't mentioned me at all. He said the only thing he got out of him was that he wants to see me but at the same time he doesn't, because it would hurt him too much.
He says that, but he also says my ex-boyfriend doesn't have any interest in any girl at all right now. But even then, I had people message me asking me to talk to my ex-boyfriend because apparently he's been "depressed."I am getting mixed signals from my ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure what to think of this. I'm not sure if he's trying to play some sort of joke on me, if he's messing with me, or if he's even telling me the truth. I don't know what's running through his mind right now. I am a straight-forward person. I like straight-forward answers....
Whenever I try to ask him straight up, he always says "nothing is wrong" or "I don't know what you're talking about." My brother thinks that he wasn't lying but instead "pities" him because he seems to never know what he wants and he's probably too "easy." My sister thinks it's pride. He can't admit to others that he misses me. Others? Thinks that he just wants to have sex.To those who wonder why I even care about this at all: I know I have no intention in getting back together with him... I guess it just bothers me a lot because I still have feelings for him. I was doing fine without hearing from him for a while but then shows up and says all these things. It confuses me when he just walks off and doesn't say anything after he says so much.
So my questions are: What do you think is going on right now? What do you think he's doing? What do you think I should do? Do you think he's playing me, lying to me, or just trying to use me for sex?
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- From: Mish
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Comments (35)
I don't want to come off as harsh, but I assume you made it clear to him that you're not taking him back but you're upset that he's not hanging on your every whim? It doesn't make sense. It seems to me that you don't want him back, but you want him to want you back. Since he got your message clearly, and has stopped trying, it bothers you? :/
I agree with @Saridactyl@xanga - you are both playing games. If you don't trust him and you aren't going to take him back just let it go.
He used to believe in "no sex before marriage."
Sex is marriage... or at least that's what it used to mean. Pleasure is the result of responsible behavior, not the other way around. I swear, language is losing all meaning.
@Saridactyl@xanga - Yeah... I've noticed that women are doing it more and more. It's like... if you aren't interested, either act like it or fuck off. That's evolution for ya. Females are at the point where they can be so highly selective and so highly competitive with each other to the point that in some cultures, we're nearing eusociality (one queen to x amount of drones) where male infertility is enforced in one way or another (e.g. birth control, flat-out rejection, infertility due to age, etc.). The data doesn't lie.
If females don't want to play with dolls their entire lives, they need to be aware of what they're getting themselves into.
The ultimate level of sluttery: having multiple mates simultaneously and needing no evidence to say that you are not a slut and have everyone agree because your gender holds all reproductive power to keep those who would argue it from breeding.
Hypothetical scenario:
"You're going to insinuate that I am a slut and expect me to be interested in you? Are you insane?!?"
Uh, apparently not as insane as the (x amount) of other guys who didn't insinuate you are a slut and got some.
No matter what signals he is sending, the game has changed.
What you believed as a basic of the relationship (chastity til marriage) no longer exists for him.
Break it off.
He has demonstrated an inability to keep promises---even to himself.
That speaks poorly for his ability to honor promises to you.
Sorry...I know that sounds harsh...but if he couldn't keep it zipped before marriage, I am betting he also won't do so after. He also will expect YOU to be perfect...and that just doesn't work.
What matters more...him...or who you believe you are?
ex-bf is ex-bf. start at the beginning and when you come to the end(of the relationship); stop!!!!!
damn that mad hatter is such a quotable genius
I would just think of it as another reason why he's your EX boyfriend. If you don't want to get back together with him, there's no point in wondering.
He's unstable. Your brother is correct that this guy doesn't know what he wants. There's probably some pride in there too. But if you really cared for him, then don't baby him and let him find his way without you. For you to "help" him will only lead him to want to need you while he's trying to not need you (a factor to his instability). So not matter how heart-retching it may be, you'll have to let him go.
It sounds to me like he's trying to figure out what he wants, and he's testing the waters with you and different women. Tell him what you want for the present and for the future, and give him time to decide.
He is your ex, you don't trust him, but you still care about him.
Maybe you should just leave the guy alone.
Stop checking up on him, stop texting him, stop asking his best friend about him.. just let him do what he needs to do to get over you and move on with his life... and you should move on with yours as well.. you said yourself you won't get back together with him..
I think you are the one giving him the mixed signals.
You've made it clear you don't want him back, but you're mad when he's not answering your texts and when he flirts with other people - you can't have it both ways. I understand you still care, but you're not together anymore. Maybe you should meet for coffee, talk, clear the air and then you can move on once you've had some closure on why he did what he did and what the future holds for you in terms of your relationship. Good luck!
Let him go. You're holding onto something that you gave up the right to hold on to.
You broke up and it's time to let go. Who he sleeps with is no longer your business and you can't be upset if he starts drifting away.
What do you think is going on right now/What do you think he is doing?
He's drifting away because he is moving on (or at least trying to). He's probably also seeing other girls despite what his best friend told you.
What do you think I should do?
I think you should let him go. You broke up with him, you don't trust him, and you don't want to get back together with him. Move on with your life and let him move on with his. Whether or not he's actually depressed, I'm not sure. That said, if he is, it's not your responsibility and you're not the one who should take care of him. Walk away.
Do you think he's playing me, lying to me, or just trying to use me for sex?
You guys broke up and he missed you for a while (hence the text messages) but now it sounds like he's just trying to move on. I don't see at all where he's trying to use you for sex. Did I miss something?
i am more confused as to why you're still in enough communication w him to receive mixed signals... ??
I understand you have feelings for him, still and all, it doesn't matter why he is doing what he is doing, or whether or not he is doing what people say he is doing.
IT doesn't matter. You two are over. The only thing that matters to you should be your feelings, motivations and behaviors. Responding to his texts and asking around about him is YOU giving mixed signals as well.
It will be easier for you to get over your feelings for him if you cut the contact, stop spending your time and emotional energy trying to mind read him, and move on with your life.
just walk away. go enjoy the company of a man who loves you for you.
I'm sorry, how are those messages mixed?
THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING:
Basically, he was messaging you again because he missed you at that point (or just missed having a girlfriend, and not you in particular, which I actually think is the case here) and you are a comfortable source to go to since the break is fresh and you'd be an easier catch than a stranger since you guys have leftover feelings.
At the same time though, he is going out and living the single life, meeting girls, getting numbers, playing the field, etc. Basically, if you heard him out on the "missing you" messages, you'll just be dropped on your ass when he gets bored, which probably wouldn't take long.
Believe me, when he finds his next girl you won't hear from him again.
and if you already aren't hearing from him...then he is preoccupied with another girl or girls and is moving on. So if you're so concerned about coming across as if you won't get back together with him, then stop being so concerned with HIM and what he's doing in general.
There're no mixed signals. You guys broke it off... Now he's just bored and wants you for the occasional chat/booty call/etc.
I think instead of wasting your time wondering what he can possibly mean and trying to analyze his texts, you should work on yourself and try to get over him as quickly as possible. You're still so hung up over him. The moment you learn to let go is the moment of greatest freedom.
from personal experience...move on and don't look back. There are many faithful fishes in the sea.
is he on coke???? O.o????
I don't see how this is your concern anymore. He's got friends around him. Move on. Good luck!
To be honest, you need to just cut your ties with him all together. Nothing good is going to come of this and you don't want him back, so you're only leaving yourself in a bad place. It is only causing drama and you don't need that. If you have feelings for someone but you don't want to be with them, the only way to get over it is not be around or talk to them at all. You need to just worry about closure and moving on with your life and let him move on with his and hope if he seriously felt he made a mistake that he just learns from it and treats the next girl better.
Woman, cut him out of your life. If you have no intention of getting back together with him despite the feelings you still have, stop interacting with him. That's all there is to it.