My boyfriend and I have been together roughly two years and recently, he has been going to parties with his older brother, which I don't care too much about. Go ahead and have fun. I am not the controlling type. But I did notice that after this one party he went to, he had his arms around another girl and then, when we were laying in bed, he was texting two other girls. I asked him about it, he said they are nothing.
Naturally, I got worried that something was going on so I asked him questions about them. He says they are just friends....
Well, about a month or so has passed since he got a new girl's number (and I talk to guys but it never seemed to bother him). I was laying in bed one night when a friend of mine from elementary school texted me, and he freaked out and seemed to have gotten mad that I was texting another guy. So I let him read everything.
I just don't understand why there's a double standard at play here, especially when I'm just speaking to a guy I have no connection with....
Any ideas? Or even what I should say or do? I have started to feel really insecure and jealous about these random girls.
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Comments (52)
Such a disproportionate reaction on his part, coupled with him having his arms around other women in public, etc., may be indicative of something more going on. At the same time, you want to make sure you don't end up like this:
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I agree with @QuantumStorm@xanga - . Be very careful.
maybe he's seen the errors of his past ways, and realized that going to parties and getting new girls is a lot more fun.
on a tangentially related note, my brother is going to be a freshman in college this fall. i can't wait till he's a few months in (and learned how to drink) so i can go out with him to clubs and teach him how to get girls.
it bothers him that you talk to guys even when he won't admit it. he doesn't want to seem like the controlling type either, so he acts lackadaisical about it. it'll likely spiral into resentment or passive aggressive behavior if neither of you admit that it does bug you a little, but that there is nothing to worry about if they actually are "nothing." he seems like those people, who have ocd and like constant attention, and are glued to their phones, so they have to text or do something on their phone to fill in the silence/boredom.
I agree with Quantum Storm. His reaction was odd. The fact he was suspicious of you makes me think there is something more to the girls he is texting. I am not sure how I would handle it, but I would be careful.
I had this happened to me. They will deny the truth till the end of the world. He will never tell you his true intentions. Deep down inside you know what is going on, trust your gut instinct. You guys have been together long enough to lay down some ground rules, you tell him if he doesn't like you talking to other guys than what makes him think it's okay for HIM to talk to other girls, yet alone put his arms around them?! You have to be kidding me. Please tell me you aren't this naive. Know where you stand or he will treat you like a doormat, but only if you let him. Back away a little, let him see that if he continues this immature behavior he will lose you.
People who are suspicious of their partner's behavior when they have done the same thing before would indiciate that they are up to something, how like @QuantumStorm@xanga said. I would be careful and monitor how he reacts to situations in the future as well as if he has been acting different recently.
break up with him.
I agree with I8it. It's time to break up. Number 1 sign of a guy cheating (or girl) is being suspicious and flying off the handle over just a text message with another guy. If he starts accusing you of cheating, it's almost 100% chance he's cheating. He had his arms around another girl, how was it? Like hugging or actually holding her? Either way, it seems that he's over yall's relationship and moved on.
red flag alert for sure. Ask him to introduce you to the girls he met or let you read their conversations (since you did the same for him)
ask to see his convorsations if he wont let you then you have a problem. The two of you need to have a serious convorsation and try to make it work or move on to someone who doesnt flip out on you and goes out partying all the time.
Ask him to see his conversations with those girls. You let him see your conversation, so if he has a problem, that's a massive sign that something is wrong. Also, his overreaction to you receiving a text from a male friend is a massive red flag that he's messing around.
@DarkMeru@xanga - <<< that. If he starts blabbing on about invasion of privacy etc then dump his ass :).
This happened to a friend. He hated it when she got texts from guy friends. He accused her of liking the attention from them and them of just wanting to get in her pants (probably true). He had her FB password and even wrote on her behalf to those guys wanting to meet to catch up to fuck off (and tried to hide it by deleting it on her page). She wanted to prove to him that she was faithful and loyal and cut all contacts with those guys.
Guess what, in the end, she found out that he was the cheating bastard.
What he's doing is projecting his guilty cheating ways onto you. I know sometimes females can get extremely jealous, but I think when a guy does it, he's up to no good, especially when he's so vigorous about it toward you.
Please tell me you have called that cheating bastard out and dumped his ass. If not give me his contacts and I will tear him a new one. Oouu Can't stand double standard guys and double standard in general.
Since you showed him your conversation with your elementary school friend, ask him to see the conversations he had with those girls. If he doesn't show you, then something is most likely up. I can understand if he wants his privacy but that went out the window when he got mad at you for texting your friend and read through your conversation. I get a little jealous when my boyfriend has conversations with other girls (I'm working on it), but he never once got upset with me when I mentioned having conversations with other guy friends. I know he gets a little bothered, like myself, but he doesn't mention it because he trusts me. I have issues with trusting people but I'm getting better with it.
If you don't think you can trust him after being together for 2 years, then maybe your relationship has run its course /:
I agree with the others. He is reacting the way he is because he is projecting his guilt onto you. He is up to no good so he wants to make sure you aren't doing the same thing.
Oh please don't be this naive!!!! He's got a thing for these other girl's he's texting, at least that if not something more. You need to put your foot down. You don't have to control him, but you do get to control what type of boyfriend you want, and I can tell that you don't want a guy who's texting other girls while he's in bed with YOU and then freaking out when you text other guys. Come on now!
@SweetNGuilty@xanga - I am guilty of having done this... never again! Never again will I let a man take me away from anything or anyone important to me... -sigh-
Oh man this happened to me before. RUN FOR THE DOOR. This guy I dated for over 3 years constantly texted other girls, were he swore up and down they were just friends. Okay fine. But one thing that really bothered me was that he would text this one specific girl like all the time, she even called him when we were in the middle of you know what. I totally freaked. Soon I started texting other guys around him too, I am a bit spiteful and told myself I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Of course he didn't like that. He was the type "its okay for me to do it, but definitely not okay for you to do it" guy. Soon after we broke up for other reasons, something longggg over due. And it turns out that the one girl he constantly texted (that I was bothered by) was his next girlfriend. Yup, huge slap in the face.
It's a little ridiculous to expect he won't text other girls.
The problem is his reaction to you texting a friend. That's a kind of unfair jealousy and possible trust issue that should be addressed.
he sounds like a hoe.
Why don't you go with him to the parties? Once you start letting a man do things on his own he will get accustomed to that and start doing it more. Going to parties etc ...and meeting new people will lead to temptations. It is not cool that he is texting these girls that he met. Guys and girls cannot be friends there is always a hidden agenda. These girls are probably trying to get with him. You need to ask him if there is someone else that he is interested in. My boyfriend always tells me when some girls texts him, and I never ask him to though but he always does. Its a respect sort of thing. Same way with me, if a guy friend texts me I let my man know because I don't want him to accidently see my text/ convo and think something is going on or that I am hiding something when that is not the case at all. When a guy starts tripping out over simple things like that, he is definetely hiding something. Something fishy is going on here and I would confront him head on about it. Good luck!
@Niiksknox@xanga - I agree :O