Monday, 25 June 2012
I don't see this topic come up often online unless I specifically look it up or bring it up in real life. I always hear about relationship advice for people whose relationships are going south, but what about those good, serious relationships?
How do you know when to take it to the next step? Do you think you should automatically know if it's the right thing to do, or like any other big step in life, is it normal to have doubts and fears but still be excited about it?
I guess it depends on what you want in life; if you're ready for that type of commitment or not. Are you ready to give up some aspects of your life for your SO?
My boyfriend and I have been together for what seems like ages but in actuality, it has only been 6 months. He is in the Navy and currently on deployment (yes it's tough, but life goes on) but will be home very soon! He had asked me if I wanted to get engaged when he came home, which makes me happy that he asked in advance instead of just popping the question! It's a huge step in life that you don't just want to make on a whim!
Now, this man knows me inside and out and I know him just as well. We've known each other for much longer than 6 months, but had only started to officially date for 6 months. I know that I don't want to be with any other man in my life and he makes me very happy. Yes, we have our arguments but we compromise, meet in the middle, and everything is okay.
Now, based on that minus the stigma of how people think you should be with someone for a longer amount of time before even considering this, you would think, yeah! Why not! Get engaged!
Unfortunately, things are not that simple for reasons including that stigma. I stopped keeping track of how long we've been together because we are both convinced we are each other's soulmates and I have to stop and think about how long we've actually been together because like I said, it feels like years have gone by and I've known him all my life.
I feel that I am a logical person who doesn't do things that involve the matters of the heart on a whim. I am currently a sophomore in college who is lucky enough to have her parents pay for it all, but they refuse to pay for it if I get married, so I have to wait another 3 years before we could actually get married anyways.
But what is wrong with getting engaged? I never want to be with anyone else in my life yet at the same time I think, why rush to get engaged if you have to wait 3 years to get married? It is so confusing! I confessed to him all of my problems with getting engaged and that I was afraid. I told him I was afraid that if I got engaged, I'd miss out on my life. I would end up disappointed and unsatisfied with how I have lived my life.
But that boils down to one simple question, "What do you want to do in your life?" I'm not talking careers and eventually having a family here, people. I'm talking about traveling, goals, things to do before you die, your bucket list! Do you want that college experience of partying and maybe one night stands just to experience it all? Do you want to backpack across the country or go sky diving?
Once you know the things you want to do before you die, are they things you want to do with a group of friends, an SO or maybe alone? These questions have helped me sort out whether or not I am ready to be engaged.
No matter how old you are or where you are in your life, it all depends on what you want for yourself. Even with all of the stigmas out there in the world--like the "order" in which these things should happen which, according to my family, is education, career, then family--only you know what is best for you and it depends on what you want in life and if you feel that you are ready for commitment.
Commitment though, just to clarify, does not mean your social life should go down the drain. Yes, some things will change, but you should still be able to go out and do things with your friends whether or not your fiancé is there. You don't always have to do "couple" things. It's all about trust, and if you can't trust each other, don't even consider getting married, in my opinion! You can forgive, but you never forget!
So, ladies and gentlemen, how do you think it's suppose to work? Are you suppose to just know or like me, have your doubts and worries but still be excited and is that normal do you think? Or maybe you don't believe in marriage? Should it be spontaneous or would you rather know in advance?