Sunday, 24 June 2012
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Is Texting an Act of Cowardice?
Let me just be forward and say that I text A LOT. It's not necessarily because I'm afraid to talk on the phone, especially to someone I've never talked to before, but I prefer to text mainly because I'm always up and moving and don't have time to sit down and have a casual phone conversation with someone that could be easily communicated to in a text chat.
Plus, I can talk to multiple people at the same time and I don't have to reply back right away. I also like to think about what I want to say to someone sometimes, especially if I don't have the answer or don't know what to say right away.One thing I use texting for, though, is to ask women out, particularly women I meet online. For the most part, it hasn't been a problem. However, there's talk that a lot of women prefer that guys, especially those they meet online, ask them out verbally because they think guys who text them are just doing so because they're afraid to call.
Like I mentioned above, that's debatable, but we all know that guys should never convey the wrong message no matter what their intent is.One issue I have run into is women create all these high expectations about me since I'm a pro with text. I had a friend say that I'm a perfect conversationalist when I text, but in person I get nervous and I stutter in my speech, conveying body language that I don't intend to convey.
That puts a lot of women off especially when they only want to focus on how my body language is more so than anything I say.For women, do you prefer guys to call you when being asked out, or do you not mind texting? Better yet, are guys who call more ATTRACTIVE than guys who text?
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- From: Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga
- About Me: I have been using Xanga since August 2001 and have seen a lot of changes since then.
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Comments (33)
Texting is very impersonal, much like social networking.
I'm tricky. Okay...that sounds bad.
What I mean is that if a guy asks me to date him via a text message, and I did not want to, I would say no and leave it at that. If a guy asked me to date him via a text message, and I did want to, I would tell him to call me and ask...and probably tell him it would sound much more charming hearing his voice.The way in which someone asks me to date them does not actual influence my decision, unless I'm very, VERY undecided (which is very, very rare).
"hey, it was really nice meeting you. we should go get coffee later this week."
"okay, sure."
"sweet, i'll look at my calendar and text you tomorrow so we can figure it out. have a good night!"
problem solved...
or, for online dating, i think we already had this discussion: ask her in the message, and don't call it a date. just say that it would be great to meet. i gather from this post, and the same discussion to which i just referred, that you are texting girls WAY too much. it makes you too readily available, and therefore boring.
point being, try texting a little less and see how that works.
problem solved.
idk? i guess it would seem kind of weak. but idk because my current boyfriend, we were friends forever and we would always chat online or text... and it sorta slowly evolved into dating... i'm not even sure how. i think we made arrangements via one of those methods though, because we weren't big phone people.
though i would say you should probably challenge yourself more often with face-to-face or phone convos, cause you seem to feel awkward about it, which would be solved by just forcing yourself to do it more.
I wouldn't go on a date with a guy, who I thought his voice was annoying, so I'd prefer if I knew what his voice sounded like before I consider everything about him, not just his voice, but some of the things we talked about before the date, and reject him accordingly even before the date:P I mean would a guy be attracted to a hot girl with a deep voice like miley cyrus or vice versa if the hot guy had a high pitched or voice more feminine than mine. my guy has a voice deep and powerful enough to sing that phantom of the opera song, and that's one reason why he's so appealing to me. if he does have a sexy voice, then it would be one of the quickest ways to make me swoon for him even more, so talking than texting would be in his best interest to win me over or get me to be more excited to hear from him
but when I already know his voice is sexy, and he doesn't have time or whatever, and texts me, then I'm most likely imagining how he'd sound like in his texts, and just overwhelm myself with butterflies
Texting is the new thing. Anyone that prefers a first call is a dinosaur.
@coolmonkey@xanga - lol dafuq, sure.
@Saridactyl@xanga - agreed i feel its a little one dimensional
I hate texting, so I'd be pretty put off if a guy wasn't interested enough to call me. I see texting as something you use to tell people you'll be a few minutes late, to ask them to pick up milk from the shop or to tell them something really unimportant. If you want to talk to me, call me, because unless I really like you, I'll probably ignore your text.
I don't know. I hate the phone, so I really don't mind when guys ask me out via text. It's better than sitting and having to make awkward small talk for ten minutes beforehand.. Honestly, I don't think it's that cowardly to use text message anyway - the possibility of rejection is still the same. I also like getting asked out via text because it gives me time to craft a nice rejection if necessary rather than being put on the spot.
If it's friends asking each other to hang out then that's fine. If it's someone you like you're asking out...it's incredibly impersonal. As someone who has been asked out in text before and dumped in text and on facebook, I find it to be a very coward move.
Some things you don't do in text, like asking out somebody. Next thing you know if it hasn't been done already people are proposing in texts. I hope no one is stupid enough to accept a text proposal. If someone is overseas and doesn't have long distance calls, they wait to get back to ask that kind of question or at least do it on skype. It's free and no excuse and the people can see each other at least and even hear.
After giving a fool a chance when they asked me out in text, I will never do it again. I'm so glad nothing came of that. If I had been in a relationship with that idiot for years and he broke up with me in a text, he would be an extreme coward.
As far as phone conversations go, I think it shows you have a lot of balls if you call me, but asking someone out via text has become the norm so I don't really notice it. I would rather talk in person, honestly, or have a half hour phone convo every now & again. Try it- might improve your social skills.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - THANK you.
"I had a friend say that I'm a perfect conversationalist when I text, but
in person I get nervous and I stutter in my speech, conveying body
language that I don't intend to convey."
First off, you do know that 90% of what you say is said through body language, right?
That statement right there tells me you, personally need to talk to her in person. Yes, texting is great and I do it a lot, but when you get to the point that you are losing social skills, there is a problem.
Not everything will be able to communicated through text. Let's say you do ask the girl out via text and she says yes... you two date and eventually end up mad at each other for whatever reason. So you're out & the girl says, "I'm mad at you.... [insert reason here]... are you just going to say, you know I'm better at talking through text, so let's text each other later about it?
This reminds me of my teenage years when a guy would have his friend ask me out for him because he's nervous && I'd say no. && when they asked why I said because if he wants to go out with me that bad, he needs to ask me, not you.. It's about courage and going after what you want.
Open your mouth and TELL HER what you want.
my boyfriend doesn't even know how to text and doesn't ever use technology, i LOVE it. it's so refreshing or whatever. texting someone to go out with you is dumb in my opinion. you need to talk at least over the phone to get comfortable around each other right? i don't know but i don't really care about it either since it doesn't relate to me haha.
I was just telling my mom yesterday how I think texting is sort of cowardly - at least with some things. First, if they don't want to go out with you, they can just not respond. Ever. At least on the phone, if they don't want to go out with you, they will have no choice but to say yes, no, or "I'll think about it." Though if you are e-mailing each other back and forth, it isn't so bad to say "Hey I would really like to meet, maybe we can discuss a time/place/etc."
I text my boyfriend a lot, usually when we can't talk because texting is easy. We don't talk on the phone either. That's what Skype is for...
I'm not going to be hard on a guy if he asks me out via text. As long as his intention is to break the ice and meet up, it's fine. The last guy I was with messaged me on facebook asking if I wanted to get coffee and it was REALLY out of nowhere. I am actually glad he did because it would have been awkward for him to ask me out in person since I barely knew him.
Personal experience I've never had a girl say yes to a date through a text. Then again no girls ever said yes to me for a date when I ask them in person or through a phone call either. Sooo dunno.
Seems childish to me
I wouldn't want to be asked out via text or phone call. I prefer getting asked out in person. I would respectively decline anyone who asked me out by way of phone or email.
You sound like you need to get out more. Go on dates and ease your way into things. You can be anyone you want to be through the phone (which is something you probably love), but you need to love your true self first so the real you can be loved by others.
If a guy is shy and texting is the best way for him to express his feelings I would accept it.