Thursday, 21 June 2012
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Should I Ignore Him?
This post has been submitted by Datingish reader, Kris.
I was dating a guy who was considerably older than me for about eight months. He was divorced with two kids and his wife had left him for someone else. I was never happy with the way that he treated me, especially around his friends, and he never introduced me to his kids.
Finally, before I left for the summer (I'm a teacher and travel every summer), I broke up with him when I felt like he had disrespected me one too many times. When I broke up, I told him not to bother calling me again because the night I asked him to call me he just responded with "I'll call tomorrow." I told him to not bother calling me again.
Since I broke up with him, he has tried contacting me twice--once via text message and another time via email. He just says things like "I'm thinking about you and hope that you are well" or "I'm thinking about you (as usual) and hope you are having a great summer." All of my friends and family are telling me not to bother responding to him but it is really tempting to do it.
I am always nice to everyone and it is hard for me to be mean to him. Should I be civil and give a short response to his messages or just ignore them? I feel happy with my life now that I ended it with him and I do not want to fall back into his manipulative mind games.Thanks in advance!
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Comments (49)
If he was disrespectful of you before, why are you even bothering. You asked him not to contact you; by doing so, he is still disrespecting your wishes. You telling him that you are not interested is not going to make things different. He is only going to use the conversation to take your good nature and your inability to be mean against you.
Just ignore it! He won't change. Good luck and good for you for getting out of it.
Block his number, delete it from your contacts and try to distract yourself with healthy activities. Good luck.
This is the type of guy women are attracted to.
he did exactly what you said; don't bother "calling," so he texted and emailed you LOL you should've been more clear to these clueless people with "don't contact me ever again." but he could still see the "again" and try it again, because he's dumb.
You should marry him.
I'll tell you MY story, and you decide. I had a sorta kinda not boyfriend like yours. He ignored me into admitting it was over. BUT...when he was lonely and his other girlfriends turned him down, he suddenly remembered MY number.
I ignored him (I knew about the other girlfriends through a mutual friend) Then, one day I took the bait..sure, let's talk...and he wanted to see me, and we made a sorta kinda lunch date, and he was going to call and confirm...that way over two years ago. Haven't heard from him yet. Essentially I gave him one more opportunity to lie to me and disrespect me.
they are who they are who they are.
Ignore him for now, if he continues to contact you reply with "Thank you for your kind thoughts but I would appreciate if you respected my wishes and refrain from contacting me, if you continue to I will be forced to report you for harassment to the authorities." and then change all your contact info.
I had a similar problem with an ex who wouldn't go away, it got to the point where he would show up EVERYWHERE(my house,my NEW work, malls when he was supposed to be at work, etc) and even contacted my friends and family.Do not respond... ick! this is how my ex got me to get back with him. I ignored him at first, but he always knew what to say to get to me.. after I broke up with the abusive jerk the 2nd time I had a lawyer get me a cease and desist letter, followed with a restraining order.. and then he went to jail.
You are happy with your life now, do not let him back in. Dont even read his emails, just block him in every way. Once you respond, he wins. And you do not want him to get any kind of power over you.
Had he been a NICE guy, you wouldn't even be writing this post. Hell, you wouldn't have even been dating him for eight months or even a month!
ignore
there's a reason why you broke up with him, don't respond. and maybe he didn't introduce you to his kids cause he doesn't want his kids have any ideas that you'll be the mommy. gotta be careful in relationships especially when kids are involve. don't want them to get attach to the partner and have hopes up for the kids.
You shouldn't even be considering it. The fact that you told him not to contact you and he replied by saying he would the next day tells me that he's an absolute douchebag who thinks he knows you and is so cocky and sure of himself that you'll be unable to actually stay away from him. Don't give into that.
Never talk to him again or anyone else that you find remotely attractive.You are naturally attracted to assholes. You should never date anyone you have any interest in. I'm dead serious. If you don't love yourself or even respect yourself, you will never demand anyone else to love or respect you. You should probably figure out what it is about you that would make you so drawn to a person like this. You said it yourself. He treated you like shit and also demeaned you in front of his friends, but you are still tempted to respond to this douche canoe against the good advice of level headed friends and relatives.
Think about it this way. Read the blog you just posted and pretend it was written by someone else. The fact that you are even questioning what to do is startling.
Usually, I would say to give him a short answer such as "I'm fine, thank you." and then not respond any further, and I would have done it once, and thats it. But I like what @Erika_Steele@xanga said. He is ignoring your wishes, so I would say to continue ignoring him.
Ignore him, and if you find it hard, delete and block his number so that you're not tempted to reply in a moment of weakness.
Ignoring him may be too difficult for you. I say return the message with a detailed explanation of exactly why you dumped him.
I had old boyfriends from high school continue to contact me for nearly ten years after we broke up until I stopped "being nice" and laid out flat the reasons I disliked him in a blunt way. After that, you probably won't have to ignore him anymore, he'll stop contacting you.IGNORE HIM! Think about your pride. He's not even calling you and desperately pleading for you to come back into his life, or showing up at your doorstep confessing his love for you. Even then I'd be skeptical. Nothing sounds appealing about him. Why would you want someone that's already had a family anyway? He's already experienced love and commitment, why would you want to be second and receive only a fraction of the love someone can give and already gave to someone else? He's probably bitter and dejected anyway, the only thing he has to offer to another female is hurt or neglect.
@forsakenchild@xanga - EXACTLY. I think you should spend some time working on yourself, and you said it yourself, you're happy without him in your life. Start accepting people into your life who you might not find so interesting, but that treat you well. Eventually you'll wonder how you let yourself get into this situation in the first place.
ignore him...he's not worth it...sooner or later you'll find someone much better than him...
Ignore it, but do not delete anything. Should you need to demonstrate in a court the harassment, save all correspondence from him.
Oh honey, run away!!!!! He sounds like a control freak. You took the control away and now he's trying to weasel his way back into your life. By responding even in the smallest manner would give him the leverage he needs. You are not being mean to him I promise. Actually I was in a similar situation with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him and he wouldn't give me space. Needless to say I kept responding and it ended up with him sending me mothers day flowers because he found out I had a miscarriage. I no longer talk to him. Please take my advice and ignore him.
I would say not to respond. He could be attempting to bait you, to make you feel as if he cares more now or that he's changed. Unless you want to chance being unhappy again stuck in a bad cycle, ignore his messages. Have fun this summer!! He's not important anymore :-3
@coolmonkey@xanga - do you give the worst possible advice on purpose? Because you're really not helping....