Wednesday, 20 June 2012
You know that awkward moment when you have a physiological response to a relationship break up: even though you’re not involved? Christ, I don’t know anything about Johnny Depp or Vanessa Paradis, except that he makes a damn hot pirate and she’s my gap-toothed-wonderwoman. The thought of their 14 year long relationship ending makes me want to cry. Thanks a lot Huffington Post.
Sure the rumor mill has being doing overtime about the state of their relationship for the best part of 2012. Depp’s been linked to co-stars Amber Heard (Eh, I thought she was a lesbian, but seemingly he's bought her a horse!?) and Angelina Jolie (because she’s obviously the quintessential home wrecker.)
Depp vehemently denied reports. Paradis walked around with a scarf over her head (great way to hide emotions). However when she was spotted house hunting, alone, in Hollywood last week things looked bleak. Now their French family home is split in two rather sad pieces.
Depp’s rep released the following statement to Entertainment Tonight:
"Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have amicably separated. Please respect their privacy and, more importantly, the privacy of their children."
Never mind taking this with a pinch of salt. I’m talking handfuls. Amicable separations, spamicle slaperations. All that statement means is “Depp hates Paradis and Paradis returns the favor.” Big tear drops. Poor kids.
The press has gone wild with their, “Shiver me timbers, Depp is single,” headlines, which, frankly, are crass as fuck. Have respect for a 14 year long relationship. Saying that, I hate Johnny and Vanessa because they are further evidence that people who spend over a decade together can still break up. Woe is marriage. Or just Woe is Long Term Relationships, because they didn't ever tie the knot.
Are you sad about the break up? What’s your favorite Depp film character?
And because they were one of the coolest couples ever, here's a gratuitous photo gallery documenting the good times.