Tuesday, 19 June 2012
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When I Becomes We ...
... also known as The Pronoun Switch: You know a relationship’s serious when your eternally single friend suddenly switches from “I” to “we.”
You know the drill. “I” just doesn’t feel right anymore once your significant other sets up home in your life’s living room. Before you know it “we” check whether “we’re” free for dinner, even if your boyfriend isn’t invited. But is it cute or plain annoying?
Here are some pros and cons for the Pronoun Switch.It’s by no means comprehensive.
Pros
1) Sign of commitment: It shows you really think of yourself as one half of a whole. 1, 2, 3, CUTE.
2) Saves time: Instead of saying, “I’ll check and Bob will check,” when you get invited somewhere you just say, “We’ll check.” Word economy is good, especially if you’ve just spent 30 minutes talking about Bob to Sue, who doesn’t know if she gives a fuck or not about your relationship.
3) Convincing: Maybe your mom doesn’t like who you’re with. My tactic for this is saying “We” as often as possible in conversation to ram home the fact that you are in a relationship that you don’t plan on leaving.
Cons
1) Loss of autonomy: Sure, you’re in a relationship but, as stated above, your boyfriend wasn’t actually invited to your girlie cocktail night, so there’s no need for him to check his availability, even if you do have a “His and Hers” calendar.
2) Inappropriate use: “We” has a time stamp element. You can trade in “I” for “we” after two weeks of being with Bob. Not cool.
3) Irritating: Your best friend has just broken up with her long-term boyfriend. She’s just become an “I” again, so she doesn’t want to hear about what a wonderful time “we” (as in you and Bob) had at the weekend.
What do you think? Do you have a friend who rattles on about, “we this, we that,” in an irking manner. Are you an eternal “I?” Have you never noticed the Pronoun Switch?
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- From: lovelife
- Name: Iona
- About Me: I love lots of things, although at the top of my list is Harper Beckham, possibly the best dressed baby ever. Aside from creeping Harper I love Stumbling, running, weight training, and eating chocolate pudding whenever possible. I'm not a relationship expert but I'm happy to throw my two cents in
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Comments (11)
I've never had a friend or an acquaintance that did this enough to annoy, or did it too much. I am thankful for this.
Sometimes "we" is appropriate. Sometimes it's not. It does not necessarily matter how long you've been in a relationship with someone.
If your significant other wasn't invited - you should be checking your schedule. Maybe seeing if you'd planned something with your SO already, but not to see if both can attend. That's just manners and has a lot less to do with use of pronouns and a lot more to do with respecting other people's intentions.
I don't think there should be a loss of autonomy or "annoyance" factor with the plural. If there is, I suspect the couple in question is either honeymooning or spending way too much time together. I can talk about the great time "we" had last weekend, but I can also talk about the great time "I" had yesterday and the great time a platonic "we" are going to have tomorrow.
I feel like the only thing on either list that I really agree with is "sign of commitment" in terms of what it means psychologically...
It depends on the context. If I ask a question about you only, I don't want you replying with "we." People need to remember that they have their own choices and opinions too.
what's more annoying is when some refer to their bf as "the boyfriend" or constantly use that term in every other sentence as if we don't know they desperately want to show that they have one in front of their fam/friends. after a while, just say his first name instead of constantly emphasizing the term. I wouldn't mind if she said, "my bf" but often girls do this. I don't often hear guys referring to their gfs as "the girlfriend" but just my gf. I call my bf, my guy
some might think my preference is annoying
I didn't really think about it much till reading this post. But I guess I do it sometimes. I know ppl who do it too, and it doesn't bother me at all. I guess if I had a friend who did it constantly, that would be pretty annoying. I'd want to say "Get some Balls Woman!"
@laytexduckie@xanga - agreed. I think it's important to think of yourself both as a couple and individuals. Just because you get into a relationship doesn't all the sudden mean your individuality goes out the window.
On the other hand, my fiance calls everything "ours" (to go along with the "we" statements).. even when things really are only his. For example, I don't have a car, but he does. And he'll say something like "We need to get our car inspected.' I have actually corrected him and said, no.. you paid for that car, it's yours, not mine. But thank you for including me. :) I think it's sweet that he includes me in everything, but like I said some things are still separate. Yes, we go places together in his car, but it is in his name, he drives it and he paid it off.. therefore, it is his.
I don't really give a rat's ass if anybody else thinks it's cute or annoying- WE are married, WE live together, WE share our lives, therefore, WE will use WE when it's appropriate.
However. WE will never be pregnant. I will be pregnant, WE will be expecting a child. I lol at that phrase.@Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - If your significant other wasn't invited - you should be checking your schedule.
Agreed. That is just manners.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - ugh that phrase drives me crazy too!
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - ugh! I HATE that one too. I have the uterus, I carry the baby...WE are not pregnant. It's so ridiculous lol.