Monday, 18 June 2012
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What is My Problem, Sexually?
I don't feel as sexual as my boyfriend. I know he wants to do it all the time but I don't. When he starts to get physical with me, I feel something, like my body is in it but my mind and feelings aren't. Also, I masturbated a few days before seeing him - I thought, to get me in the mood - but then that seemed to close me off even more. I spent two days with him and I felt nothing. I'm happy when I'm with him and I love being with him, but I am not sure why I don't feel as sexually interested as he does.I'm attracted to him, I love him and I'm happy with him. Next month we'll have been together two years. I was very sexual with him at the start of our relationship, but now I just don't feel like I need that part as often...
Any ideas? Suggestions?
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- From: samanthaP
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Comments (37)
N.E.I.
Maybe the sex is getting boring for you, try talking to him about spicing it up.
i read an article within the last year or two that said that girls lose their sex drive in long-term relationships...but i think that wasn't supposed to happen till 3 or 4 years. maybe you just like jumping the gun on things.
before qstorm gets inundated with lazy fucks who can't UD this themselves: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nei
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - lol my guess was "not even interested" :P but thanks for posting the link, I was kinda close
maybe because it is the same predictable sex routine or he is so eager all the time that the appeal is lost. maybe if he backs off a bit, then makes you wonder why he hasn't been interested as much as he used to, then you'd maybe initiate sex more often. don't go straight to sex all the time, but seduce each other
how you go about the seduction is up to you two. I'm not giving away my ideas
Good thing about being a girl is that you can just lay there.
Time to spice it up. Add some kink into your life. ;D
I went through this with my ex-girlfriend. I'm a guy and I wanted to do it all of the time, like almost every other guy. She didn't like having sex all of the time because condoms tended to irritate her and sometimes girls just have to be in the mood for it. However, she did love using her vibrator and having orgasms. So we compromised and would have "play dates", like throw on a video or whatever and get off together. It worked for us. A lot of times we assume women have the same sex drive as we do, and it's a big hit to our ego when we feel like you don't want to do it every time you see us. It does affect our confidence as well. A lot of women will say that relationships aren't all about sex, and while that is true, it is a big deal to a guy and shouldn't be discounted. Men are to sex what women are to cuddling. Sometimes, we even get passive aggressive about it and start stupid fights. I know we are not very bright at times, but it's how we operate. Before I get blasted by people, I would like to say that I know I am speaking in general. I do know there are situations where the roles are reversed or whatnot. Anyway, good luck,
It sounds like you're bored. I got like this with my ex because it was the same routine every time we slept together. Why don't you try and initiate for once, even if you're not in the mood? Surprise him with something fun, or spice things up a bit so it's not the same routine all the time. You obviously care for him as a person, so try fixing it!
@coolmonkey@xanga - Uggh-- dissAgree... nothing worse than a dry dead fish....
Be honest with yourself: is something missing? I had this problem in the past with a boyfriend whom I wasn't very attracted to, aesthetically. It was actually very hard to admit. Most men are very much willing to accommodate you where it will make your hornier. Maybe you just want him to be more dominant when pursuing you sexually. There's a whole bunch of possibilities.
If you have found that you are always this way sexually, then it just means you don't have a high libido, and that's perfectly normal-- especially for a girl. We are not all porn stars.
If you truly come to the conclusion that you are completely happy with him and your relationship, and that your lowered sex drive is not normal for you, maybe it would be a good idea to see a doctor who could help rule out any physical issues. If that does nothing then I'd suggest going to a counselor.
Are you on hormonal birth control? That'll do it.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - When I read this article, that's exactly what I was wondering.
When I started the pill...my drive dropped to practically nothing. And before it was really kinda high.
First of all, he maybe a better 'Friend' than 'Boyfriend' so it can make you comfortable with him socially but not physically. Second, there maybe a psychological underlying reason that creates emotional distress which is turning you off physically with him, that means, you are probably not ready emotionally right now to have sex with anyone. Third, you maybe emotionally connected to another person and socially connected to this boyfriend whom you want to emotionally connect to. For that trying sex will not work. Understand this, social connection will not get you to emotionally connect to a person all the time, emotional connection can be between two people sitting on two different planets, physical connection is only for the time of physical contact there are major differences between all these.. getting it all in synch is the magic and it may need a lot of work. Before all that think about this, Is this the right guy for you?
Lastly, this may sound weird, one suggestion, stop thinking about me while having sex with him.. hehehe J/K.
Good Luck.
i'm the same way. i love having sex with my boyfriend but it just seems like i don't want to do it as much anymore well not like he does which is everyday haha but i love him and am happy with him too. it isn't really a problem and i think it is completely normal.
@stanlee255@xanga - give it to her stanlee, give it to her
I would say it is pretty normal for guys to want to have sex more than their girlfriends. If it was up to my boyfiend, then we would be having sex every single time we are together -- but I do not allow it. I do not want to sound like I do not have sex often with my boyfriend, because I surely do, but I am not always into it 100% (if that makes any sense). Some days I just want to be with him and cuddle with him, maybe a few makeout sessions here and there haha. I am not sure how I will feel 2 years from now because we are only going to make a year in 2 months, but I hope I do not lose the feeling of wanting to make love to my boyfriend.
Are you bored with having sex with him? Are you sexually attracted to him? Is there even a difference between attraction and sexual attraction? Lol.
I'll send you my sex box- duct tape, handcuffs, blindfolds...
Hehe.
I suggest spicing it up, honestly. Try something new that you haven't done. Role play. Dress up. Dress down.
I have the opposite problem.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Ughh that would be so boring. That just reminds me of a fish for some reason.
Your problem is the small, overlooked fact that you're trying to have sex.
Hugs and Kisses,
Yao Wentiao
@QuantumStorm@xanga - opposite of TMI?