I've never had an orgasm.
If I were male, this would be cause for shock. But I'm a woman. So my orgasm-less state, despite the fact that I've been sexually active in some way for 4 years, is considered normal.
Which, all things considered, is really unfortunate.
Some women orgasm extremely easily. In one Sex And The City episode, Samantha becomes upset when she 'loses her orgasm' after not having it once, because she always does otherwise. I have a friend who is waiting until marriage, and will only touch or be touched above clothes. She's had an orgasm.
A small part of me hates them both.
Through a cruel trick of nature, the female orgasm is elusive. Elusive enough to be covered in a popular TV show. Elusive enough that June's Cosmopolitan had a feature showcasing some women's no-fail orgasm tricks. Elusive enough that there are multiple classes that teach women how to reach 'orgasm.'
Elusive enough that I, after 4 years of trying, still can't get there.
Some of it is me. I try to have an orgasm, therefore I can't. Some of it is my partners. Many boys in their teens are not overly concerned with their partners' satisfaction. And when one guy I slept with wanted to stop because he was tired, before he came, I was shocked. My ex would never have done that - sex was over when he was finished. Not that he didn't try to get me there, too. It just never worked.
But a lot of it has to do with the fact that society has taught me that the female orgasm is like dessert. The male orgasm is the main course - necessary to the meal. The female orgasm is great when it comes, but eh. We could do without. So a guy who can't orgasm is concerning, but a woman who can't is normal. Which, for me anyway, kind of sucks. I enjoy sex, of course. But it'd be nice to reach the big O, to experience this 'height of pleasure' and see what all the big fuss is.
What do you think? If you're female, how long did it take before you had an orgasm? Is a female orgasm necessary for you to enjoy sex?
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Do you orgasm when you masturbate? I think you should experiment with masturbating more and try to find something that works well for you. And don't be afraid to touch yourself/incorporate toys when having sex. I can't imagine how much it sucks to not be able to have an orgasm, so I hope you can find something that works for you!
I was 14 and I did it by masturbating. I didn't have an orgasm with someone else for a while, but eventually, I did. It's not necessary for me to have one to enjoy sex, but it's a plus. Some women just can't orgasm.
Just relax and enjoy yourself!
Also, if your significant other doesn't intend to get you off in any shape or form, refuse to get them off until you do. Fair's fair, right?
I'm one of the lucky ones i guess.. I can orgasm 3-4 times every time I have sex. I have never had a g-spot orgasm though. My SO tries so hard to find my g-spot, but I believe I wasn't born with one LOL. I prefer the clitoral stimulation.... because my g-spot doesn't exist...:(
Try masturbating, try sex toys... ... i suggest buying ben wa balls or kegel balls because that really helps tighten the PC muscles... the one that stops your pee from coming out.
Working out those muscles suppose to help you orgasm better. Try em out!
****Also is there such thing as loose pc muscles? Because when I was with my ex for 7 years, he was the only one I was sleeping with and I never did any kegel exercises. My ex was much bigger than my new current boyfriend. So now that I have been having sex with my current SO, he says I am not that "tight".... That really insulted me. LOL. So I am wondering, if that is possible? *****
@Saridactyl@xanga - I was around 12-ish/ or 13-ish when I had my very first orgasm via manual stimulation, too. The first time I had sex, I thought I was going to have an orgasm right away. I didn't achieve climax until the second time.
To me, it's not necessary to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, but then again, I don't know what it's like to not have an orgasm(s) because I always have them.
I don't think it is necessary to have an orgasm to have good sex. I find fulfillment and happiness in my husband, and it does feel really good anyway even though I don't *get there* during intercourse.
I have researched a lot into this since I don't personally have orgasms with sexual intercourse either, no matter how hard my wonderful husband tries (and boy does he try, god love him!). And I agree with the above advice that you first have to learn how to orgasm by yourself. Masturbation. Maybe try a vibrator. Figure out what gets you off, for some it's pressure. Others it's motion. For some it's clitoral only, for others it isn't. But I honestly don't think you'll have an orgasm through sexual intercourse until you have had orgasm by masturbation. If you don't know how to pleasure yourself, I'm not sure how a man will be able to either.
The last thing is the psychological aspect. Is there some issue that might stand in the way of thoroughly enjoying and giving yourself up to sex? For me there is, and that is my issue with not having orgasms during intercourse. My first sexual experience was rape, and unfortunately even though that was a long time ago now it is still difficult to give up control during sex. And therefore, I can't let it go and let it happen. Not yet. We're working on it. I'm sure my husband doesn't mind the practice. LOL!
I hope some of this is helpful because my family can google my name and find this.
I don't think it's necessary to enjoy sex. It's nice when it happens though. I don't remember the first time I had an orgasm, but I'm gonna guess it was with my first boyfriend at 16, but definitely not the first time. I find having sex on a regular basis means I'll orgasm once a month or so. I've tried to make myself before though and sometimes it works. I'd say if you're having sex a lot, do it with someone who's willing to not stop until you're satisfied. Also, closing your eyes and picturing a fantasy might help since I think female orgasms are much more tied to the mental and emotional than for men.
I always orgasm with a vibrator and it's amazing and when I say amazing I mean amazing. Try it :) With my my partners in the past I can only recount a few incidents of orgasm but it's nearly as not as great as the vibrator.
everyone is different.I prefer several servings of dessert before the main course. I have a sweet tooth
that's probably why some guys hookup, they can orgasm everytime unless he's impotent or goes limp for some other reason, such as nervousness. and why the other guy asked why girls complain about not getting laid, which is because some of us can't really reach an orgasm, so if having a hookup/fling is for the cheap thrill, and the female doesn't even get an orgasm every time or at least once a year lol then what's the fun about hookups. some people need to have the right setting to reach the o. you are in a relationship for 4 years yet can't reach an orgasm. even worse rip off
at least it'll feel like that to me if I can't even average 1 orgasm a year. if the person is okay with it, then alright. I'd rather use sex toys than have sex if my s.o. didn't or couldn't give me an o, but I doubt that he wouldn't be able to, because that's why I'm attracted to guys, who are in shape and likely to have more energy/self discipline to pump their bodies fast and hard consistently until I get the O, which doesn't take long to get there, if he does it like a warrior
I wouldn't mind if I don't get the o every time, but at least have a hot body for me to look at while he's at it
then watching him have his o will likely get me in the mood to get my o
and that's why I'm drawn to guys with sexy voices. they sound hotter when they moan. that's probably why I'm attracted to some black men, because they tend to have deep voices, while caucasians or asians as some examples, don't really have voices that deep or deep enough for me to find sexy. there are exceptions of course. that's why I like the korean rapper named T.O.P. because his voice sounds like the black rapper, DMX
having a powerful voice is also a turn on. I don't find obama's voice hot lol but denzel, yessir
or tyson beckford, definitely. jason gimme-some-more-momoa, YES!!!!!!
"The female orgasm is great when it comes"
pun intended, right?
I don't think its normal for women to not have orgasms...but maybe its just easy to get one out of me. I can't say that I remember my first orgasm, but I want to say I was maybe 11 or 12? Younger? Who knows.
by the way, don't jack off like everyone else is telling you to do. or at least, be wary of trying it. you'll get hairy palms or could even go blind.
I'm 22, never had an orgasm until 6 months ago. One word: vibrator (though several more words follow). Still have yet to have one from someone else's handiwork (though I've come so so so close). The level of stimulation has to be just-so for it to happen & anything other than the vibrator just isn't the right level for me. Experiment, enjoy, and don't be ashamed. Time for you to invest! After you know you're body isn't broken go get a vibrating cock ring so you can BOTH get yours :)
MASTURBATE. It will do wonders.
@Pertaining2me@xanga - Loose PC muscles is a thing. Never too late to start. After about a year, you should gain full control of your pelvic floor muscles.
My ex was determined to get me off. Toys, manual stimulation, HOURS of this sometimes but it was no use. My current boyfriend got me off the second time we had sex. I felt like I was seeing daylight for the first time in my life. Generally I have an orgasm 2 out of 3 times.
A lot of girls don't orgasm through intercourse alone, because a lot of girls need clitoral stimulation to achieve anything. My advice would be to practise! Masturbate, get to know what YOU like, experiment with toys and learn what you enjoy, but most importantly, RELAX. You'll never get there if you're stressed or worried about it.
If you find it hard to orgasm through intercourse alone, get your partner to try manual or oral stimulation first to get you partway there, THEN go ahead and have sex. I mean, I had my first orgasm at home when I was about fourteen through masturbation, but it took a few rounds of sex before I could orgasm through intercourse. There's nothing wrong with you, it just takes some people a while - good luck!
"But I'm a woman.So my orgasm-less state, despite the fact that I've been sexually active in some way for 4 years, is considered normal."
Wrong, wrong wrong. Why do we have sex? 1. Because reproduction is human instinct, 2. We want to be close//intimate with someone. 3. Because it feels good. 4. BECAUSE WE WANT TO GET OFF!
It is not normal to not be able to orgasm and you should not accept that.
Masturbate like everyone is telling you & get to know your body and what you like. You can't explain to a guy what gets you off, if you don't even know. When you figure out what you like, tell that to a man you're interested in sleeping with and my god, I hope some day you do meet someone who can get you off... I can't even imagine and certainly can't imagine thinking it's normal.
Girls are lucky when it comes to the bedroom. If you're even remotely attractive, you call the shots. You can pick practically any guy & tell him you want to sleep with him and he'll probably do it.
I disagree that it's considered normal- to me it seems the assumption is that most women can and will orgasm at least once per sexual encounter..! I can orgasm but I definitely wouldn't say it comes easily, especially not during sex.
As for sex itself, I'm really not bothered about orgasming- the sensations themselves are enough for me. :) I would like to come more often before sex, though, because that makes sex more enjoyable.
Sex is very enjoyable for me, but I do love to orgasm. I don't orgasm through intercourse. No biggie, there are lots of lovely ways to get off with a partner.
I agree, masturbation is a great way to figure out what works for you, and I suggest trying different methods, techniques to masturbate as well. Some people get hooked/programmed to get off ONLY to a specific method, and you will be doing yourself a favor if you mix it up a bit and learn to get off in a variety of ways. makes it much easier to get off with a partner. And don't underestimate the power of the mind to help things along.
I have never had an orgasm during sex. Or by the hands of anyone other than myself. Which is extremely frustrating to me. I have ovarian cysts so I tend to blame it on that but I do wonder if something is wrong with me. But sex is still enjoyable for me. I've only been with one guy though but he seems to know what he is doing..so I don't think it's anything on his end. Probably mine and my lack of being able to relax and concentrate.Â
I really get interested in what society teaches everybody else. I grew up in the same society, went to a public school in (gasp) Texas and neither I nor any man I ever had sex with "learned" that the female orgasm wasn't necessary, desirable, or achievable. Stop reading Cosmo and watching Sex and the City. They're making you think those things and aren't representative of normal thinking people.
@Pertaining2me@xanga - Me too with the multiple orgasms! as for G-spots, I've heard it's great but I personally hate them... worst ending to the night. Though my BFs seemed to like it. As for size discrepancies... I know what you mean.
I've been fortunate, my boys know how to hold it and wait for me-- As for main course and deserts, I've been told sex isn't half the fun if the lady doesn't get off first. Shouldn't be normal if a guy doesn't care if you're having a good time. But sex for orgasams seems like you're setting yourself up for dissapointment... worst advice ever? Cosmo... and lamest TV show in the world... Sex and the City.
What you ought to start off with is getting a good guy. ta da! or if you've got a good guy... sitting him down and telling him this'll be a challenge. maybe he'll find it for you.
it took a few times with my now hubs before it kicked in with sex he is a giving thoughtful man most of the time lol. With my ex i never did he was all about himself 1 and done. First one was probaly 13-14 somewhere in there i think its easier to teach someone else to push your button when you know how to push it yourself. Even if i dont orgasm i still enjoy sex i like pleasing my man. Some women never get off during sex, but there is usually one way or another to get to the O either with manual or oral stimulation or you may need something else entirerly. Like being dangled off a cliff or driving really fast lol some women do crazy things to get off lol.