Thursday, 14 June 2012
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Long-Distance Marriages?
A while back I saw some sort of news story on the Today Show about long-distance marriages and I've pretty much been thinking about it ever since. At first I thought, "how crazy? Who would want to do that?" Then I realized, circumstances permitting, it really isn't that different from any standard long-distance relationship. It just involves vows and a stronger implication that the couple will stay together for many years to come (but even that is a little questionable with the way divorce rates have grown over the course of the last few decades as well as the issues surrounding same-sex marriage).The truth is, I'm all for marriage in a fairly traditional but modern sense. A couple in love (man and woman, woman and woman, pig and goat, I really couldn't care less what you marry) should marry to solidify their relationship. They should build a home together. As you already know from all of my same-sex marriage articles, I love marriage and I think everyone has the divine right to it.
Yet, I really do have to wonder about this long-distance marriage stuff. I've always done the best I can to see things for what they are and recognize that what may not work for me can certainly work for someone else. I know that long-distance relationships work. I've been in one for a few years now. So why can't long-distance marriages work? As long as said couple has the means and the capabilities to meet as often as they see fit, there are few reasons why it wouldn't work.
I also think if and when the couple decides to have children, then it's probably time to compromise and find a place to live together. Once children are in the plans, it's necessary to live together for a time before starting a family.
So, long-distance works for them in their marriage, but do they know how to coincide under one roof? That's a whole different kind of relationship.
What are your thoughts on long-distance marriages?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 21. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (18)
I'm married and about to head over to teach English in Korea for 2 years. I think the sustainability of the relationship depends on the couple, but my husband is supportive and understanding. I have faith in our relationship and I trust him and myself to be able to do this.
As far as living together afterward...that really doesn't apply b/c my husband and I lived together before we were married.
I think this happens to alot of people who marry someone who is in the military. For instance, I had a friend that married her husband right before he went on a tour to Iraq. When he got back, things were okay for a while, and they bought a house, etc. But 5 years later, they're ready to call it quits because they really didn't know each other and were not prepared for marriage. However, I have friends that have done this and are still going strong.
So it depends on the couple and how much effort they are willing to put into the relationship (given that it is a healthy relationship with no extreme complications like abuse or substance abuse issues).
What's the point of being married if it's long distance?
one of my undergrad classmates was in rotc and joined the military when he finished. apparently, he also got married before he was shipped overseas (which was quite soon after commencement). i heard that he and his wife had an agreement that when they were apart, they would fuck other people and bring what they learned back to the bedroom with each other.
if i ever decide to get a serious girlfriend (let alone a wife), this is the kind of relationship that would be perfect for me.
@Saridactyl@xanga - yeah. and, it's environmentally unfriendly. that's enough for me to not ever do it.
I think long distance marriage happens a lot more than people think. Jobs usually decide where a spouse is going to be, so couples live apart months, weeks, or half the week or something. My husband and I have had a long distance relationship since we were dating because we met online. For instance this week I saw him one day. Some weeks it's 3 days, it just depends. Which isn't too bad compared to what some people have to deal with when it comes to distance. We're finally compromising on a place to live since we've been together since 08 and we're ready for kids. So yeah, I agree if a couple was going to have children they should nix the long distance thing.
@Saridactyl@xanga - Some people don't need to spend much time together to remain happy and committed.
My marriage is long-distance right now. It's hard, but it's only for a few more months.
I'm flying in my jimmy neutron rocketship to see my s.o
I'll be there in a jiffy if I navigate the barometer or other thingy correctly and don't end up lost in the middle of the universe
Did it during a deployment. The key is that there has to be a time in the future when you will be back together. I wouldn't do it if it were permanent.
@Saridactyl@xanga - love? The question is what is the point in being apart when you're married.
Money for one. A lot of chinese couples actually marry someone and then move to where the job or money is. And they stay married. they may get together later. who knows? In 1882, US government passed a law strictly limiting the number of Chinese immigrants into the united states. Husbands that went ahead of their wives were suddenly stuck apart and weren't able to be with their wives until the act was repealed in 1943... AND THIS WAS BEFORE CELL PHONES. They can do it, so can we!
Military families too, seem to have a good excuse in my mind. Being pulled away on business or duty, or some other thing like that... some couples don't have a choice... what are they to do? Divorce because they're too far away? Why get married in the first place if your commitment to each other is dependent on something as flimsy as location. Sure, physical connections are important parts of a relationship, but I don't think that it should be the fundamental cornerstone of which you build a marriage.
Long distance anything sucks nuts. and I wouldn't choose it if I had the option; but I understand why people would do it.
I talked to someone recently who was in a long distance marriage due to where he was stationed in the army. Fortunay he only had about a year left and they were moving in together. I would hate to do that.
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - so jealous....i'd love to teach english in korea for 2 years! sucks about your marriage though....best of luck :)
@dead_poetic009xx@xanga - Thank you very much! I am super excited and reading and asking so many questions so I will be a little more prepared when I go over! Haha.
Just to throw this out there, if you are interested in going over and have a 4 year degree, they will pay for your plane ticket, your housing and expenses. All you have to do is prepare the paperwork. :) If you'd like more info on it, just PM me.
@lifeonacitybusem4@xanga - THIS. :)
Fail
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - i've already extensively looked into it...might be something i'm interested in doing if i can't get a better job in the states. I prefer traveling for pleasure though.
@dead_poetic009xx@xanga - I understand. Just thought I'd throw that out there. :) Good luck!
in this day and age, anything is possible. it's definitely doable if you want it to work.
Being as I was previously half of a military married couple, I think assuming military marriages do this out of necessity & career choice is wrong. I don't think deployments count as living a long distance marriage; it's not like I could have gone, nor would have wanted to go, with my ex on his deployments. No thank you, I was quite happy being safe in the United States with all the comforts of home I had grown up accustomed to! That's not to say being separated during deployments was easy, it wasn't! I still worried when days & sometimes even weeks would go by without a phone call or any sort of communication. Besides deployments & temporary assignments(schooling, training & what have you) most military couples are living together a majority of the time.
All that being said, I do not think I would ever want to put myself back in a situation where I wasn't living with my spouse or S.O. a majority of the time. To each their own though, some things work for others that some would want nothing to do with!