Saturday, 09 June 2012
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What Are Your Tips on Dating?
This post has been submitted anonymously by a Datingish reader.
It seems to me that most people come on here just to pick apart everyone's posts instead of giving helpful advice. I think this way is ineffective and crude. Whenever I've always commented on someone's blog entry, I've always given them advice or similar experiences I've been through without an attitude or name calling.Sometimes people don't mind having flings, but what I dislike about flings is that it's a one-way street. The person who wants a fling thinks he/she can call someone up any time they want but when that person calls him/her for some action, they say no, only on their time.
Without giving a situation so that people can pick apart, what are some dating tips you would like to give to people which have been successful for you? Are you in a long-term life time relationship? If so, how did you succeed in getting there?
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Comments (34)
Just be yourself. If the person can't accept that, then screw them. They're not worth your time anyways. If you want to burp then burp. If you want to swear then swear. If you want to eat like a pig then eat like a pig. Fuck what society thinks.
Don't settle for anything less than what you want.
be yourself =)
that's why they are called flings; you literally fling the person this way and that way whenever you want because it isn't suppose to be a serious committed thing, but a fling:D I think what you got was a bootycall that one calls whenever he/she pleases. you seem to expect more and want a "friends with benefits" thing where you're good friends first, then become more than friends, and are more likely to respect the other person.
or kick the one sided fling to the curb and get a new fling, who will mutually agree to make things somewhat more equal, you call once and he calls once and repeat the compromise.
uh.... do it?
My advice would be to know who you are. More so in the sense of what you want in a partner and your limitations. When you don't know those things, you end up with the wrong people and have even harder times communicating. When you know what you want, it's easier to communicate what you mean. Also, don't let fears take you over. It's critical to allow yourself to love and be loved. Your the boss of how you feel at the end of the day! I am in a relationship with a guy now for I months. We conncected quickly and now are moving in together. :) Communication , trust, and openness to each other was the key for our relationship. Also knowing what we wanted in a partner and asking one another our wants with each other. Communication! :)
Just be yourself, be confident and have fun.
Be yourself...? To me, I hard that can be a hard thing because who are you really?
My advice would be to figure yourself out and then have faith in yourself. Figuring yourself out is assessing your preferences, abilities, tendencies/habits, etc. I knowing these things about yourself (you may not necessary know all these things about yourself even though you may think you do) can then allow you to gauge how you could/would deal with things that you may come upon, so that you can have faith or see to improving/progressing yourself to have faith in yourself. So figuring yourself out and having faith in yourself would enable you to be yourself, to confident, enjoy life and things in, etc.
On another note, when finding someone to date, you essentially can date anyone if you're open to that. Still, it would be best if you and the other person can be on the same page about things (example: if you both want a one night stand --> good, if you both want long term commitments --> good, if one wants one night stand while other wants long term commitment --> bad)
i think if you're going to criticize the d-ish "regulars" you should at least have the decency to not post anonymously...
in any case, i will post my pearls of wisdom when i am not completely shithoused.
I always fall for the ones I least expect. Maybe that's because I let myself be with themーanyoneーinstead of making myself stay with someone else. Haha I dunno. Love should be easy! It's free! I'm free!
It doesn't have to be forever either. For a time it will, but later we'll drift and find somewhere else. I'm okay with my friends liking others or dreaming without me. I want my friends to like other people. It's only normal. I love sharing stuff! When they smile I smile, with or without us.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Does it matter if I post on a "screen name?" It's all anonymous, yo, even those who post on screen names. I won't have anything on my profile so why does it matter? It's not like you're posting on your first and last name for all to see.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - By the way I didn't mention any specific names in my posts :) So if you think you're guilty of this perhaps you should apologize to people for being so rude. It may be the Internet but it's still wrong just hiding behind computer screens and no one knows each other here anyway unless they met each other from here which I'm sure there are only few people who did. I'm sure people didn't write their posts just to have nearly everyone bagging every little sentence they wrote. Way to ruin the commenting in this post but I understand you're drunk. Thought we could have at least one post here without the rude comments. I knew someone would manage to find a way to get on this post, too, just was wondering how, Lol.
@Anon - "Does it matter if I post on a "screen name?" It's all anonymous, yo, even those who post on screen names"
Using a screen name gives you a stable identity for the purpose of future discussions. So if you say something stupid you'll have to own up to it later when using the same screen name. Otherwise one doesn't have the incentive to grow through dialogue. If people remember a particular screen name and the thoughts that go with it, it is good practice for you in terms of what is and what isn't an affective way to communicate your ideas. It doesn't matter if your profile has nothing on it or is private. So while you hide behind "Anon" criticizing those for being rude it puts you in a position where you can claim to have no flaws in how you communicate because no one would remember them and you could deny anything. Your opinions would be more respected if you had already established an online identity which shows you are better than these "rude" people.
The friendzone is bullsh*t. There's simply no such thing. Your best dating pool is your friends--the people you care about, who care about you, who you have common interests with. Does this mean you can date ANY of your friends? No; I can't be around all my friends indefinitely, some of them aggravate me too much, too soon. But my best (longest lasting and most satisfying) relationships have all come out of existing friendships.
And if I may offer a second one, don't get attached to the 'standard model' of dating or relationship progression, whatever that means to you. I got a key to my bf's apartment about two weeks after we started dating. The next week or so I invited him to spend New Year's with my family (it was October). I knew it would be ok because we had been friends for years (see above). So: it worked in our relationship, and it was a good thing. It wouldn't work for everyone, and that's ok, too.
Don't take life for granted. Your own, or the other person's.
From what I understand, there are other reasons for dating than what I believed to be the nurturing of the very beginning of an attempt to learn how to love and appreciate one special individual to and for oneself in every way, and (whether you realize it or not) at the same time helping them to do the same, ultimately giving the love and appreciation one has for oneself to another so that person can feel what it's like to love oneself completely and exclusively without ever even having to realize how beautiful they are, but instead feeling it by never having to be alone, and seeing how they make the other person feel.
I feel when it comes to dating, the possibility of there really being a "soul mate" or "the one" out there for you is as likely to be reality as you allow it to be. Is finding a person that perfectly complements oneself in every way and who embodies one's idea of love and perfection practically impossible and hopelessly optimistic?
Of course it is. That's what makes it all the more worth it to look... and all the more important to keep an open mind while doing so, because you can never be certain what lies below the surface if you don't dig.
It doesn't matter whether you consider it a "fling" or something more serious. Love grows in unpredictable ways, and if a person can be let down by someone not intending to put forth a similar amount of effort into building or maintaining a relationship, the same should apply in the exact opposite way, and the person who didn't intend to make it anything deeper should have to deal with it.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - "Don't settle for anything less than what you want."
It's important not to assume you are entitled to what you want from a person if you don't even know who you want it from. Confidence is helpful, but it is necessary to realize that a person has to feel you deserve or have earned what you want from them in order for you to get it, regardless of whether it is from one individual or another.
Spermicidal condoms save lives.
wow, i *really* need to stop commenting on here when i've been drinking.
if the internet is anonymous already (which i agree), why are you so afraid to post this under your screenname then? i can kind of understand if you're asking for advice regarding a personal problem. but it seems to me that you only did this anonymously so you could criticize the d-ish community (which was half your post). plus, as @EpistemicDuty@xanga wisely pointed out (thank you sir), even if it is anonymous, we can associate different kinds of comments with different people. i know whose comments i should take seriously, whose comments i don't even bother reading, who's annoying, who's an idiot, who's worth arguing with when i think he or she is wrong. even if i was drunk when i originally wrote that comment, i 100% stand by it.
in any case, my policy is usually not to respond to anonymous comments (except under the aforementioned circumstance), so i'm done talking about this unless you're willing to own up to your remarks with your username.
Did this post just come to "wah, wah, the internet is criticizing me!"?
If so, lol.
@emily_shannon@xanga - If I wanted to be critized, I'd let my parents do that. People came here for advice, at least if people use the site right, not for sarcastic comments coming from bitches like you. And you think YOU'RE tough shit by acting like a stuck up priss? The funny thing is most of the people who give rude comments are 9 times out of 10 not even committed relationships, that's the funny part. No wonder you're such bitter assholes to blogs.
To the people who are rude to blogs, I can definitely see why you are such asshole commentors and that no one wants to be with such a cynic like you. Many of you have admitted that you don't have long lasting relationships so you want to feed your pessimistic attitudes to the blogs and tell people to give up all hope.
Lots of hate from someone who doesn't even know me. :| Wooooow. Sorry you can't handle it?
@emily_shannon@xanga - You're so fucking *tough* really...coming on here with an attitude. Like I said, your way is ineffective and I couldn't give two shits what a bitch like you thinks. And yes you and whoever rec'd your comment are bitches and assholes. Good for you.
@emily_shannon@xanga - Also when you give these rude comments, you sound very bitter, who pissed in your cheerios? Is that why you come online and take out all your frustrations on these blogs? LOL.
I was always taught to be humble no matter what happened in real life and online. I don't need to be a bitch or have an attitude to get the point across, however sometimes you can't understand being humble even if it's on the Internet so I have to talk down on your bitter level. :)
Right. I think the one being bitter here is not me. Just a hunch.
I was going to give advice, per request, but I don't really think I'm going to now. I'm done talking with you, thanks.
@emily_shannon@xanga - Forgive me that I don't want to waste my time with childish insults when giving my advice or similar situations with bitches like you and that I actually want to talk about the questions that are asked in blogs at hand instead of picking apart every little God Damn sentence on people's posts. I can't stand that 9 times out of 10 when a blog gets posted also, hardly anyone answers the question they're asking at the end they waste time with petty arguments like this. :)
This blog was going great at first with the mature comments then immature people like you had to come in and waste everyone and mine's time. If I wanted to get in a pissing contest, I'd go to the politics board, not a board about dating.