Friday, 08 June 2012
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The Aftermath
All too often, I see posts written by those concerned about their poor relationships. I want to read stories on how people initiated break-ups and the process they went through to make it happen.If you ended a relationship, how did you do it? Did you do it effectively?
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- From: BlehhItsTu@xanga
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Comments (22)
My boyfriend "J" was staying at my house for a few days because his mothers bf kicked him out, J thought it was a good idea to FUCK A GIRL IN MY HOUSE while everyone was out,and to keep the condoms in the dresser in my living room. I found them while he was out with his guy friends, so I packed up all his stuff in a garbage bag, asked my friend to come over with his half ton truck loaded the shit up and met J in the driveway and said it was over and that my friend would drive his stuff wherever necessary but that it was not going to be staying at my house.
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - How ungrateful. I can see why his mother's bf kicked him out, too since you also kicked him out. He must piss a lot of people off.
@Anon - yeah, it wasn't a good situation. I was pretty heartbroken when I found out, my mom is very strict but because I loved J she let him stay at the house, then he pulled that stunt
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - I was excited when you said the half ton truck and expecting your friend to run his stuff over with his truck and crush it all to pieces, but he didn't
My breakup before my last was pretty bad, it was almost 3 years and around my birthday she suggested to go on a break. The day after that we were suppose to have dinner so I asked if she still wanted to since she wanted a break, she casually said yes. So dinner came and we met up, then she got all crazy on me saying how she doesn't want to see me and talk to me since we were on a break hence it was HER that said yes for dinner. Got into a slightly unpleasant argument and ended off there. Few weeks later, I've been hearing things about her seeing a "close" friend of mine, a month later they started dated so I pretty much brushed both of them out of my life.
I don't think I've ever ended a relationship. I've initiated break ups and allowed the other person to finish it because I never really knew how. My most recent ex tried to text it to me, but I made him call me. I figured after four years I deserved at least a call since in person was out of the question. We both live in different states. I have never been broken up with in person though. I guess I've dated a lot of wimps haha. Whenever I've initiated break ups I just hint around that it isn't really working out. I kind of just make it a conversation. I bring up like what isn't working out whether it be distance, no time for each other, not the same lifestyle, etc and they usually agree with me. I guess I should say I have usually participated in effective mutual break ups. I've remained friends with all my ex boyfriends.
I was in 2 abusive relationships before i met my hubby..
the first one ended abruptly.. He tried to force himself on me in the middle of the night while we were camping. A group of my friends were camping a few sites over and somehow I managed to find them in the dark. He never came looking for me, and he never called me after that. (this jerk also cheated on me with multiple girls).
the second one was worse... I was in total denial of the abuse even after I got back together with him.. One afternoon my best friend saw the bruises the boyfriend had left on my arms.. he was livid.. and it took him 4 hours to finally get me to see what was going on. (this was even after I had caught him cheating with several girls online and a 14 yr old in Texas). I called him and told him it was over.. he was relentless for the next month.. it got so bad I moved in with my best friend so he couldn't find me. It got to the point where I had to call the police to step in and they helped me get a no contact order.
Well, It was only about a week ago now that I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. It still really hurts alot now.
When we started dating, a few years in we talked about marriage. When I turned 21 last year, we talked about it more and he'd suddenly changed his mind. We got into a heated argument and he walked right up to my face and said "I will never marry you". I still dont know if he was trying to make a point or if he was being deliberately hurtful. For about 6 months I dwelled on it, and about 3 months ago we had an argument and I just blurted out that I wanted to break up, because it was eating me inside that he didnt want to marry me. I mean, we'd spent most of our lives together, we were high school sweethearts, my first love and I just assumed thats where we were headed, he even said he wanted to spend our lives together, he just didnt want to get married for it, because he didnt think marriage was a big deal. I said if it wasnt a big deal to him, but a massive deal to me, then it wouldnt be a big deal if he did marry me, because I wanted that to be a part of our lives.Well, last week I said to him, until he could start treating me better (he's quite sexist, thinking men are always right, always know better ect), and until he realised just much I truly cared for him then I couldnt keep doing this. I wasn't going to wait around for him to "maybe" change his mind in the next few years.
I cry alot now, it's really hard letting go of someone you've loved for 6 years. One minute we were celebrating our 6 year anniversary, and the next I cant even call or text him, or share my day.
I dont know if I should just move on, or if I should just accept that he doesnt want to get married and enjoy a happy life with him anyway.
@DarkGlitt3r@xanga - it wouldn't hurt to get married if you both love one another. you're definitely right about that.
I left my ex of seven years. Things were just getting worse and worse , it became a physical and mentally abusive relationship... I started to not give a fuk. We both cheated .. him first then me. Not my proudest moment....But in the end we were not meant to be together. We lived in the same house , but we weren't "together". I finally moved out and things have been so much better, I am much happier and saner.
@Pertaining2me@xanga - Physical abuse is a dead-on sign of immaturity. Cheating as well. I'm glad you're out of it.
it seems like the MO these days is just to do the fade-away, as another post recently suggested.
i, on the other hand, will generally write an email where i can clearly, completely, and succinctly write my thoughts. i only do this if i've seen a girl more than 3 times though. and if she wants, i'm always happy to meet in person and discuss--after all, i'd want the same--but i have never had that requested.
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - I hope you burned your bed and got a new one. I know I wouldn't continue sleeping in a bed my bf screwed someone else in, hehe. Hopefully things will get better.
I had been wanting to break up with my last boyfriend for a while, but didn't because stuff kept coming up. I was already discontent with things when our second year anniversary arrived but refrained from breaking it off with him in the next few months because his birthday came up, he was my dance partner for an onstage dance performance and it would've have been really awkward and inconvenient as there weren't enough dancers, then came finals. By this point I couldn't stand it anymore so as soon as his last final ended, I texted him to meet up with me, where I promptly handed him his gate key (he lived in a gated community) and told him that I wanted to break up. It was a lot harder and more painful than I had expected and he demanded that I tell him why. I did and he hugged me before we walked away in opposite directions.
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - I'm with Anon about not using that bed anymore. Ugh. Personally, I would have made his life absolutely MISERABLE for the shit he thought he could get away with and probably burned his shit in a huge fire, but I feel you handled the situation with great maturity and ladylike grace. I don't think I would have been able to ask a friend to drive that asshole anywhere he needed to.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I'm sorry for all that you've been through but I'm happy that you've found someone to spend the rest of your life with. I hope those other guys get what's coming to them.
@loneshadow_wolf@xanga - thanks.. being in an abusive relationship is hard, but its even harder to leave it.... i was lucky to have a good support team of friends..and some of my guy friends paid my ex a visit... i don't know what happened but i know he spent the night in the hospital.
@DarkGlitt3r@xanga - wow hellll no do not go back to him. you sound just like my best friend, anyone who puts you down like that is emotionally abusing you. he doesn't deserve 6 more seconds of your time.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - believe me I was tempted! But I didn't want to damage the half-ton with that crap :P
@Anon - @loneshadow_wolf@xanga - I would have had to replace my bed AND living room couch, I was slightly immature in that I hacked all his email/ Facebook accounts posted statuses explaining what he had done then changed the passwords and security questions so he couldn't fix it.....@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - Hahaha! That's not as bad as what I had in mind. But I'm sure there was some feeling of satisfaction in doing that. I'm not afraid to admit that I'd stoop to that level of revenge. Other people have a right to know how much of an asshole he was u__u
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - awesome revenge on the facebook thing. I know people always say to be the bigger person, but in your situation he had it coming, especially for giving him a place to stay and then he brings over a slut. Did you know this girl? Hope everyone knows about him now.
@Anon - I had never met her, but I had heard of her before. Yeah his friends and co-workers were all like "wtf man that's such a douche move" I still talk to his cousin actually lol
when my ex ended our relationship, he ended it the worst possible way. i didn't take it lightly either. i made him suffer bc i was hurting too and i knew what to do and what to say to hurt him. i think if he did it a different way, not a cruel way like how he did it, i would have been more calm and i would have just let it go but for me, sometimes i will use fire against fire just to get back at them.
The only time I ever initiated a brekup, it was a relationship I hadnt realized was a relationship. Before I got together with my current bf, I had only casually dated, but I had a "friend with benefits" that I saw every few weeks or so. It was around Valentine's Day, and this friend showed up out of the blue to make plans, after three or four months of not hearing from him. I'd said something about how I hadn't realized that Valentine's Day was for fuck buddies, and he got this really meaningful look on his face. I had to let him down easy. Wow, now that I tell the story like that, I sound like a total bitch.