"Look, it's uh..." he says, "It's, well, it was like.... when we first kissed, I had just been dumped by my girlfriend literally only twenty hours beforehand."
"Uh-huh," I say. A guy friend, and former guy-whom-I-once-dated, is sitting across from me at a fast food restaurant. He was in town and had asked me out for coffee. "Seriously, she had just dumped me over the phone. So I was all despondent and got drunk and went to bed feeling foul; then I went hiking the next day and still felt crappy and well, you know..."
"Yeah, yeah," I say.
"So after we met at that bar the next day I was kinda in a dangerous frame of mind, y'know?" he said. "Like, 'I gotta get laid. I gotta just tear the band-aid off and get over her now. Just do it.' Like, I wasn't thinking about relationships or anything. I just wanted to get the hurt and anger out of my head."
"Yeah, I know how that feels like," I say.
"So, you know, we hooked up and like, you know... I was thinking 'Oh, this is wrong. I'm just rebounding on this girl. I'm just using her. It's too soon. I can't do this....'"
"Yeah..."
"So, uh," my guy friend says, "Um, that's why I, well, that's why I said I wasn't ready for a relationship with you."
"Ok..."
"So...." he continues, "Uh, maybe that was a mistake? Um. I dunno. Do you, uh, you know... wanna try that again?"
I don't know either. On the one hand, I sort of believe my friend when he says that he had just not been in a good position for starting a new relationship at the time when he broke it off with me. On the other hand, I still remember the fresh pain when again, for no reason, a guy suddenly dumped me after seeming to have a good time with me. I remember sitting there, wounded, in his dorm room as he murmured, "So you're not mad, right?"
"No, I'm not mad," I said, which was technically the truth. I still kept my face turned away from him so he wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing how much the dumping hurt me, how much power he had had over me. Please! Let the bastard think that I too didn't give a damn about him!
My gorgeous roommate, Gina, arrived in the dorm room at that exact moment, all giggles and long legs. She was slightly baked from the hash cigarette she's holding between her fingers. "You haaaave to come downstairs!" she said, laughing, "Eric has the stupidest-looking bong I've seen in my liiiife! Looks like a penis!"
"Sure, sure, great!" I said, sliding off the bed and racing downstairs. Hash was probably just the sort of thing I needed at that moment. Unfortunately, after a half-hour of throat-burning dissatisfaction later, I woozed back up to the dorm room to tell Gina that I'm going home. When I reached the room, I saw Gina and my now eboyfriend talking happily, flirtatiously and sexily. My guy friend looked so happy to be with Gina, so happy to be free of me.
Three years later, after college, my ex is back and he's talking about getting back together. I don't want to. Surely if we get back together he'll just remember all the reasons why he dumped me in the first place and history will repeat itself. Right? Or can the story have a happy ending?
What do you think, Datingish readers? Would you date a guy who had dumped you in the past?
"Look, it's uh..." he says, "It's, well, it was like.... when we first kissed, I had just been dumped by my girlfriend literally only twenty hours beforehand.""Uh-huh," I say. A guy friend, and former guy-whom-I-once-dated, is sitting across from me at a fast food restaurant. He was in town and had asked me out for coffee. "Seriously, she had just dumped me over the phone. So I was all despondent and got drunk and went to bed feeling foul; then I went hiking the next day and still felt crappy and well, you know...""Yeah, yeah," I say."So after we met at that bar the next day I was kinda in a dangerous frame of mind, y'know?" he said. "Like, 'I gotta get laid. I gotta just tear the band-aid off and get over her now. Just do it.' Like, I wasn't thinking about relationships or anything. I just wanted to get the hurt and anger out of my head.""Yeah, I know how that feels like," I say."So, you know, we hooked up and like, you know... I was thinking 'Oh, this is wrong. I'm just rebounding on this girl. I'm just using her. It's too soon. I can't do this....'""Yeah...""So, uh," my guy friend says, "Um, that's why I, well, that's why I said I wasn't ready for a relationship with you.""Ok...""So...." he continues, "Uh, maybe that was a mistake? Um. I dunno. Do you, uh, you know... wanna try that again?"I don't know either. On the one hand, I sort of believe my friend when he says that he had just not been in a good position for starting a new relationship at the time when he broke it off with me. On the other hand, I still remember the fresh pain when again, for no reason, a guy suddenly dumped me after seeming to have a good time with me. I remember sitting there, wounded, in his dorm room as he murmured, "So you're not mad, right?""No, I'm not mad," I said, which was technically the truth. I still kept my face turned away from him so he wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing how much the dumping hurt me, how much power he had had over me. Please! Let the bastard think that I too didn't give a damn about him!My gorgeous roommate, Gina, arrived in the dorm room at that exact moment, all giggles and long legs. She was slightly baked from the hash cigarette she's holding between her fingers. "You haaaave to come downstairs!" she said, laughing, "Eric has the stupidest-looking bong I've seen in my liiiife! Looks like a penis!""Sure, sure, great!" I said, sliding off the bed and racing downstairs. Hash was probably just the sort of thing I needed at that moment. Unfortunately, after a half-hour of throat-burning dissatisfaction later, I woozed back up to the dorm room to tell Gina that I'm going home. When I reached the room, I saw Gina and my now eboyfriend talking happily, flirtatiously and sexily. My guy friend looked so happy to be with Gina, so happy to be free of me.Three years later, after college, my ex is back and he's talking about getting back together. I don't want to. Surely if we get back together he'll just remember all the reasons why he dumped me in the first place and history will repeat itself. Right? Or can the story have a happy ending?What do you think, Datingish readers? Would you date a guy who had dumped you in the past?
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Comments (46)
I'd be more concerned about your drug use o___0 damn.
Most likely no.. There's reason people break up. I know over time people change and a lot can happen which would make it seem like it's okay to get back together but I don't know. I told my ex I'd get back with him anytime in the future regardless of my situation. Thinking about it now, I am not sure..
Oh, helllllll nooooo.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - LOL, I don't even have beer now. Caffeine is the hardest thing I get smashed on these days, no worries.
@ossumisu@xanga - Yeah, I'm leaning towards "no" myself. The safe way is not always the worst way... usually it's pretty good.
@phoebester@xanga - LOL oh, okay good.
I would communicate to him about your worries. You don't have to jump back into a relationship immediately; you could give it a couple of dates and see how you feel. If it all just feels still uncertain and you don't feel like you can let go of the fear, then let it go.
It doesn't sound like your relationship really played out last time, there were too many interfering factors. Also, people grow... Are you attracted to him? Is he good to be around, whatever that means for you? Are there dealbreakers (unemployment, alcoholism, etc)? I'm sure it's not easy to come to someone you've turned down before and pour your heart out like that. He's taking a big emotional risk here, and I feel like he deserves a chance.
My bf rejected me at least twice in a year (after 2x, I stopped asking, but stuck around for three more as a friend). Eventually, he grew up and changed what he was looking for and recognized the closeness we had and could build on...Model relationship? I wouldn't say so. But it was definitely worth giving him the chance. Basically, I think you should base your decision on how you feel and think of him now, not on his youthful indiscretions.
It was three years ago, and like @galliver@xanga says, it doesn't sound like the relationship really "played itself out" last time.
I think that you might have potential with this guy if you decide you want to. If he wasn't an ex and you'd date him, I don't think it should hold you back - it's been awhile, the situation is different, and people change.
there are so many people in this world... i can't see why you would bother with one who you already have this baggage with (eg, insecurities like, 'omg what if he remembers why he dumped me in the first place'.)
Aww I was hoping you were gonna find them having sex on your bed. That would have been hillarious! I would have joined them for sure!
I dunno, sometimes if you look at things a different way you can see something else. It really doesn't matter what happened three years ago, cause you both are probably different now. I mean, it's anyone's guess really.
Maybe it's your way of looking at stuff. Who cares about power. It's a friendship not a hierarchy, right? Who cares if you get dumped. I never care about that kinda stuff. I just try to be friends and have fun, the rest is kinda blah blah blah murky tadpoles on my stomach.
No. I think if the story ended with him leaving your dorm room after you went downstairs with your roommate then fine, maybe another chance can't hurt, but the fact that he was flirting with the girl shows a lack of consideration and kindness and decency.
I wouldn't, because I have too much pride
if he rejected me the first time and wants a second chance, I won't give him the chance, so that he can regret it forever
I like being the "one who got away." I'm conceited like that
and I've changed, too. I've changed my mind about liking guys, who I used to like. I used to have average standards, but nowadays, I'm riding on mi high horse
:D in other words, guys in my past can suck it
No, I think ex's are ex's for a reason. I think you either stick together through the problems, or you break up and be done with it.
I got back together with my ex about 6 months after we first broke up, it was a complicated and weird circumstance though.
I think it's important to keep in mind that even if you get back together the relationship will not be the same one that you had initially. Whether for better or worse. You're both different people and you're starting a new relationship.
If you feel like it won't work out it's probabaly so for a reason. My advice to YOU would be listen to your instinct. I did date an ex after several years...I felt like we both changed a lot. But I found out I was just a sbstitute for someone out of his reach and I didn't want that.
"Three years later, after college, my ex is back and he's talking about getting back together.
I don't want to."
Then don't.And yes, I have dated a guy who dumped me before. I'm married to him now. But the first time we dated? We were 15. We didn't sleep together. It was a mutual breakup. Pretty different.
It doesn't sound like you want to get back with him.
Personally, I never get back with exes. It's a personal dating rule I have.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - oh cmon, have a joint. it won't kill you i swear :P
if you don't want to go back to him then don't. duh. lol. or if you do, make him suffer and work for you.
Gettin back together with an ex is like buying your own crap back from a garage sale.
Move on and be happy with someone else.
Definitely bring up all the other times you took him back and what will make this time any different. I wouldn't. I have before but then he dumped me again this time I was expecting it so it was whatever. Not gonna waste my time with some indecisive kid like he thinks he can fling me back and forth when he's ready. Sometimes I feel like guys go back to their previous flings they get the satisifaction of knowing they're still able to for ack of a better term. "hit it" after all that time.
I say no don't do it.
No. I would never sink that low as to date someone who dumped me, there are other people out there in the world.
You deserve someone who knows you are awesome, and will make no mistake about it.
P.S. stop the drugs
I would try being friends first. And you even said that you don't want to. Don't feel like you have to. But having a nice friendship to build a good, steady relationship on is probably a good idea.