Saturday, 02 June 2012
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Age Gaps: How Big is Too Big?
There’s something a bit creepy about age gaps. 25 year old Mary-Kate Olsen has become the latest in line by dating the former French president's brother, Olivier Sarkozy. He’s more than a little grey at his 42 year old temples. So what does the cute twin see in the old man?Sarkozy’s a bit of a silver fox, but would you go there?
Celebrity land is weird, incestuous and lives by its own laws. Just look at the film maker Woody Allen who got involved with Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter, Soon-Yi Previn, when she was 21. To make life more awkward, Allen was dating Farrow at the time. He was also 56 years old.
Take a step back from “Celeb Land” and into the boring real world. What’s the reality of an “old man” going down on a 20 year old? Love is blind and all that, but does it not notice when the man taking off your bra could be your daddy?
What about shared experiences and expectations? Is little Olsen really going to be interested in Sarky when she’s 40 and he’s struggling with penis issues? When are kids going to happen? What if it was the other way round and Olsen was a cougar?
Maybe Olsen’s just checking off the “I’ve experienced age gap sex” box. Cosmopolitan latest issue said you just “had” to try it.
Have you had a successful age gap relationship? How big is too big? Are age gaps less important if both people are older?
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- From: lovelife
- Name: Iona
- About Me: I love lots of things, although at the top of my list is Harper Beckham, possibly the best dressed baby ever. Aside from creeping Harper I love Stumbling, running, weight training, and eating chocolate pudding whenever possible. I'm not a relationship expert but I'm happy to throw my two cents in
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Comments (68)
Live and let live, whatever works.
I'm 25 and have a very good relationship with someone who is 47. I happen to be mature, and have quite a bit of life experience. He's goofy and acts like he's still a kid sometimes. We have many common interests and great chemistry. And there is no "drama". The age thing almost never even occurs to us in truth. It's an individual thing.
I had a 25 year gap relationship, with me being the younger one. I was 20 at the time and it lasted about two years but didn't work. I think that age gaps matter less when both people are mature and capable of taking care of themselves independently. If the older person is able to respect the younger person, and the younger person is assertive, then I think it could work.
I am 24 and my boyfriend is 15 years older then me. I think that says where I stand on this subject.
@Sprinkles_and_Sunshine@xanga - People who call themselves "mature" are either full of themselves or naive. Humans never mentally mature becuase we're constantly learning and changing. To me, it sounds like a young child saying "I'm a big boy now!"
OP: It is creepy. It makes me wonder what an older guy/girl would want with somebody over half of their age.
Older men: more marriage minded, (usually) ready for a family, know who they are and what they want, have experienced more in life.
Cheers! my rule is my age plus ten..stops there.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - I've been told I am "mature". It's not something I just decided I was. Of course we are all (hopefully) growing, learning, and changing with time. But regardless, my point was that I have been in a successful relationship with a large age gap. So for some people it works. Others it would not.
@eagerblue@xanga - Ten years is too much. I think you should limit it to no more than 8 years, 3 months and 15 days, tops.
Trust me, it's better for you that way ;)
she dresses like a granny and doesn't look 25, so appearance-wise, they match or he looks younger than her even
since we don't personally know them, then we can't judge if they match personality-wise. a few of the older men usually think that they've found a treasure when they see me, so they tend to not take me for granted as often as the younger guys around my age(I'm in my 20's) the guys around my age don't really care and I often find out that they are cheaters/players, because they are still searching/flirting around, or I've had bad luck. to each their own.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Just an observation... one saying about themselves that they are mature is not the same as one saying about themselves that they've matured. Tense matters. I know some youth that would tell you they're mature, and they're right. They've got the accomplishments, the history of responsibility, wise decision-making skills, and success in their interpersonal relationships to prove it. Yes, you're right, there are many people who will call themselves mature but lack any and all cognizance of what that entails, but the mere fact that someone professes their maturity isn't inherently proof of the opposite.
I've no hard and fast rules, though that seems a bit much unless she looks forward to spoon-feeding him when she's 58....joking. Sort of.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga@Sprinkles_and_Sunshine@xanga - The thing I have a hard time with is that many people have different opinions of what's "mature" and what isn't. Its like the word "Normal", there's no real definition to it. How do you say you are something if there's no real definition of the word?
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Ok, that's a fair point. I suppose I'm a little more objective with maturity though. There are societal norms that could easily, and (within a culture) universally apply to "maturity." Such as, excelling in your chosen field, or study area. Being a responsible member of society, keeping your house up to the standards of your neighborhood's average, paying your taxes, not drinking and driving, having control over your emotions, anger, etc. Using respectful language. Obeying traffic laws, and not seeing the interstate as your personal race track, etc. Those are simple examples, but more specifically things such as being an intelligent, and wise person (decision-making skills), being kind-hearted, but not naive.
I think there is a real definition of the word... once we start making words subjective, we should just stop using them to begin with...
Dang, she could pass for 42...she looks old!!
Age ain't nuthin' but a number baby.
A guy older than my father thinks he has a chance with me and I'm 26...um...sorry I'm not into old wrinkly balls, no thanks. For sure over 40+ years is a way too big of a gap. Some older men may be more "settled" but they've also been around in their young years and I don't want someone like that. God knows if I do stuff with them I'd be like their 100th hook up. or more.
Nah, I like my men young, but not jail bait young. I usually go for 1 to three years younger than me. As for the older -- I only go for someone around 1 to 2 years older. I think even 7 years is a big age gap! that's about how many years my bro and I are apart so it would be super weird to date someone his age when we are in a different-ish generation.
When you're in an extremely different generation I'd say that's too much of an age gap. Age isn't anything but a number. It's a part of what defines people. If it didn't matter then there wouldn't be groups to label all ages.
I can honestly say "age ain't nothin but a number". My current boyfriend, who will be my husband when we can afford it, is old enough to be my dad, and we have an amazing relationship.
I'd rather spend my life with someone no more than 10 years older than myself. Reasons being that not all young men are interested in leaving /cheating on their wives one day or lust after young girls. I want someone who started out pretty much innocent at a young age..and are integral in their values of being monogamous. .. like 'anon' said, most older men are pretty much after your looks.. meaning that it's likely, if you were around his age, he would have left you for a younger thing. Which is too shallow for me to handle.
42 ain't old, not even close. It doesn't happen only with the celebrities. In the late 1960s, my great-aunt was in her 40s when she married a 21-year-old guy. They were married over 30 years when she passed away from cancer. It's not always about age. Sometimes two people just get along and they don't worry about something so arbitrary as when they were born. If both are adults, who cares? If they both treat each other well, who cares? My mother's side of the family is full of "cougars". It's about time people get over this age discrimination. I mean for reals, 42 is old?
I'm 22 and at this point in my life, I wouldn't want someone older than 28. I think after that point guys are trying to settle down and have kids and I'm really not ready for that yet.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Thank ya for reccin my comment. We got an age gap but it's like there's no difference in age at all, almost all, all the time. We don't even notice it.
For some reason this doesn't seem weird to me. The Olsen twins have always seemed way older than they are- maybe managing a business empire since your 'tweens will do that for you.
Sarkozy was the president, not the prime minister.
The year I turned 20, I met my current boyfriend who was 32. We had a 12 years age gap and after almost 3 years, we are still together now.
I had to admit that I was more matured than my peers and an older man would be more suitable for me. My father did not agree initially but after some effort to build up the relationship between my boyfriend and father, both of them are good with each other now.
When you think about it, quarrels between couples are usually things which are not related to the exact age issue. They are things such as personality or character issues, which will also happen even if you date someone of your age.
Hence, it all depends on your maturity towards life and love.
I've been in a relationship with a 37 year age difference before.
Let people do what works for them.
For me now, I'd rather be able to grow old with the person that I'm with.