Finance professionals need to be organized for their jobs. But when this extends into their personal lives, extreme organization can cross the threshold from helpful to creepy.
Last month, Jezebel reported on Dave, a New York-based financial professional and avid Match.com dater. Dave kept an Excel spreadsheet of all his dates, including basic information, when he and the dates had communicated, "initial date status" and "initial date comments." The spreadsheet, which also included people he'd met through other mediums, was divided between "Monitor Closely" and "Monitor Casually," based on how much he liked each one. You can see the spreadsheet here.
Mildly creepy, but it's a useful idea - especially since Dave, in a follow-up interview with Jezebel, admitted that "it was an extraordinarily dumb decision," but that it was an "honest attempt to stay organized." Except Dave decided to send this spreadsheet to Arielle, the girl whom he liked most. Arielle, of course, stopped seeing Dave, and forwarded the email to her friends two days later, where it went viral.
There's three things I find wrong with this. Firstly, organizing your dates is great, but spreadsheets are for numbers, not people. Also, if you're dating so many people you need Excel to keep track of them all, maybe you should date a little bit less.
Secondly, Dave, according to Jezebel, thinks that Arielle owes him a apology. Regardless of the moral implications of what Arielle did, he is the one who sent her the spreadsheet. If he's smart enough to work enough in finance, he's smart enough to know that anything on the Internet is permanent. At least he's learned his lesson the hard way - Dave ended up deleting his Match.com profile. Oh well, there's always OKCupid.
The third lesson is perhaps the most important, mainly because it's probably the most relevant to anyone reading this. No girl wants to know about the other girls you're currently dating. Past relationship history lets us know about you - are you a commitment-phobe? Chronic cheater? Never been in love? But talking about other girls you're dating while you're dating us just reminds us of the competition, and ruins our own egocentric illusion that we're so fabulous you couldn't possibly be dating anyone else. Even if we're dating other people - on a date with us, you should be focused on only us. The other people you're currently dating are only relevant when a) one of them shows up, b) we decide to be exclusive, or c) we decide to break up. Period.
What do you think? Was Arielle in the wrong? Was David? How do you keep your dates organized? Have you ever been told by a date about the other people he's currently dating?
Image Source
Recommend
Comments (26)
It's one thing to write down some notes in your phone organizer or a notebook (favorite food, color, what she does, where she went to school, place she works, etc), but a full-on spreadsheet is a bit much, I think. How many girls does one date at a time that he needs a spreadsheet to keep them all straight? He definitely shouldn't have sent this chart to her, no woman wants to be judged like a prized show dog, or the fact that she was one of MANY contenders. Of course, she wouldn't have been wrong if he didn't send it to her. Even if she didn't like how he handled this, she should not have sent it to all her friends and family. That just seems childish. I get it, she was mad. He's looking for an apology? Ha! He should go back to his computer and email one to himself because he's not going to get one from her.
This is fucking stupid. Some guys, like David obviously, like to date women every night of the week. Why is that such a crime? Why is it so horrible to keep a spreadsheet or database based on dates? Wouldn't Dave be better able to assess who he likes that way? And no, he should not just "date less".
A spreadsheet is just a tool and if he prefers using that instead of a black book or a journal then I say more power to the guy...him letting one of his dates see it, bad move. Still, I don't think it's that big of a deal and everyone should just move on.
poor guy, maybe he has a mild form of OCD?
So the guy keeps tracks of dates on a spreadsheet.....and? After reading the article, I don't see what was so wrong with what he did. Dumb? Sure. Immoral? Come on.
And its not like he was juggling 8 girls around and lying about it (which judging from this stupid post would be the the ideal way to go about things.) He's on an online dating site...which basically everyone probably is having dates with multiple people initially. He notes some girl that stood him up, and others that he would no longer be contacting. Seems like that would be normal in the context of online matchmaking sites. He notes that the girl also worked with spreadsheets. So he (foolishly) mentions the spreadsheet...at which point she specifically asks to see it. And then he (superduperfoolishly) sends it to her.
Again, what he did is pretty stupid, but he has no malicious intent here. It seems like she is the one he wants to pursue a relationship with and thought it would be safe to show her. (And he probably foolishly thought she'd think it was funny.)
But then this girl sends this sheet out to family and friends in order to mock the guy....with all the pictures, full names, and phone numbers intact...with no regard for how it affect the other girls on the sheet. Real classy.
What the guy did was dumb. But what the girl did was malicious and immature.
If it's wrong to slut-shame women, it should be wrong to spreadsheet-shame men.
@wizexel22@xanga - I couldn't have said it better. She could have at least blurred out the stuff about the other girls that could identify them. Do her friends need to know their phone no etc to have a good laugh?
I find this spreadsheet entirely un-creepy. I'm frazzled at the end of my work day/week only having to remember one other person's details. Seems efficient to me.
David was wrong to be foolish enough to trust this person, obviously. Arielle, though, that was just a bitch move. I'm going to assume David's assessment of "sweet" was a little misguided.
@wizexel22@xanga - By rights, she should show him her spreadsheet.
This is awesome. Maybe I'm just biased because my boyfriend and I make spreadsheets for everything. From the all nighters we pull to rating our dates. Both of us are very data oriented.
A spreadsheet is fine, but he should just keep it to himself. Sending to someone was a bad idea!!
I wrote all of my girlfriend's names down once. It didn't keep well, cause we had warm weather the next day and all the snow melted. And it really wasn't to stay organized, I had just drank a lot of Dew.
@wizexel22@xanga -
Thanks for reading the post. I'd like to make a few comments.
1) I never said what the guy did is immoral. My moral comment was actually about Arielle.2) Like I said, it's fine to date other people. You just shouldn't talk details about these other people TO the person you're dating.3) Why should she delete the personal information that HE sent her? It's his responsibility to do that, since it's his spreadsheet and he sent it to her. These are people he knows - he should be protecting their personal information from her. That's his job, not hers.
Lol I feel like this is the type of thing I would do if I ever online dated. I'm a excel spreadsheet master and addict..Finance majors...
I'm an accountant, I have excel files that put his to shame.
This shows he has no respect for women. He treats them as objects that need organization. What an ass.
However, what an ass she is too. While he lacks respect for women, she has no respect for privacy. Tell him off, tell him what an idiot he is, but don't spread it around like that.
It's like a blog/diary only a summary in spreadsheet form.
who gives a shit?
I sort of organize my crushes in my mind by OMG he's gorgeous
to ZOMG! he's hot
to OH MEIN GOTT he's sooo dreamy
I don't really care for the average cute ones. only care for the ones that make me caps lock in awe
this website is very good, you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com/
What's the difference between this and a journal?
okay this might be completely weird but I did the same thing in grammar school on guys I was crushing on. except I didn't send it to all of them via email ._.
his mistake was just sending it out. Besides that I don't think it's weird.
The only thing done wrong here is her releasing the spreadsheet. It is his personal information. If she had sent him a nudie pic and he thought it was dumb and spread it all over the internet, what would we say? We would be shaming him, not her.
all i can say is wow...Cant tell if this is smart or dumb...
This is something you bring up jokingly when you're in a serious relationship but you don't ever actually show them that.. I would break up with him too!
If I ever went on as many dates as he did, I'd probably record them in a journal or spreadsheet too.
I see nothing wrong with what he did, other than trusting the girl to see the spreadsheet.