Monday, 28 May 2012
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Should I Tell My Boyfriend Everything?
My boyfriend and I got into a disagreement about me not telling him everything. For example, I got off work early and I didn't call him to tell him. I went to stores to look around and spend time on myself. He got really mad that I didn't tell him that I got off work early. He said that it was disrespectful. He thinks that I was doing something behind his back, which is not the case at all.
Do I have to tell him every time I make up my mind about something? I am not used to doing this. What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: Pertaining2me@xanga
- Name: Pertaining2me
- About Me: Jessa. 27 yrs old. Phlebotomist. School part time. In love with an amazing man. He is the love of my life.
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Comments (68)
No. He is being extremely controlling.
No, you do not have to tell your boyfriend everything. Its actually MORE healthy to have alone time, and keep separate lives in which you are independent people, than it is to merge into one life, dependent upon itself. If he has problems like this, you might just step back and think about if this is a healthy relationship...because it won't get better.
No, that's just silly. Tell him to shove it.
Classic sign of being a controlling and possessive douche bag.
i never had a problem letting a girlfriend know where i was or what i was doing. it was never demanded of me but then i guess they never felt a need to.
a little story. might offer something to think about. a friend of my wife once visited us with his girlfriend. he didn't know me. his girlfriend loved the idea of me giving her a motorcycle tour of Manhattan so one night i gave her one. we stopped at a cafe before heading back to the apartment. at the cafe she told me she was upset because her bf asked her to call and she didn't want to. she hated that he was always worried. i can understand that. still i asked if she cared about him and she said she did. i told her he's probably worried right now and you're not enjoying yourself because of it. a simple call would make him feel better and you could relax and stop thinking about it. i don't even think she answered me but i saw a look of yes come across her face. with a simple 20 second call the tension was diffused and she enjoyed cappuccino and a slice of Black Forest cake in her first NYC cafe and i assumed he was better able to catch up on things with my wife.
there's nobody who doesn't have some issue or other. i guess it depends on whether we feel the one we're with is worth helping them through theirs.
trust is not a given. trust takes time to build even if you're the most trustworthy person who ever lived. the wisest man i know once said, "It can take years to build trust and only minutes to break it."
youre not obligated to tell him shit. wtf
I think it is awful, if you are uneasy about it then it's obvious that you don't like having to do this. I would never let my boyfriend know where I was for every place I was at, that would get annoying and I would feel like he is my father. It's not like I am some crazy, cheating, party animal who gets arrested... therefore my boyfriend doesn't need to know where I am all the time.
My boyfriend doesn't need to know if I got out of school early, it doesn't affect him. I can tell him if I really want to, maybe if I was excited, but that would be just in random convo where I would say something like, "Oh I got out of school early so I'm getting ice-cream!!! Yuummmmy!" and he would be like "I'm so jealous!"
I can't imagine being in your position....
He sounds like a control freak.
Can we say boundaries?
I don't think it's even possible to tell someone literally everything. Most of the time I keep information in my head unless it's important. I think possessive people have no clue what they're really asking for when they want to know that much. That means you have to be able to handle all truths and listen to your SO talk every 5 fucking minutes. Trust has to be earned but it's also up to both parties to know when something is really up or when they're frankly just being insecure.
You dont have to tell him everything. He sounds very controlling.
This guys sounds way too controlling.... and that is usually a warning sign of an abusive relationship. If I were you, I'd end this relationship right now. If he starts stalking you, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Good luck.
He's being disrespectful of you by expecting you to check in with him every time you do something.
If you want to drive home your point, start texting him about stupid detailed stuff (like going to the bathroom, wiping your ass, pulling up your pants, washing hands, etc.) If you keep it up, he may just start to realize how ridiculous he is being. If not, well, it would still be really funny.
one of two things is going on here. either he is a controlling ass like everyone says, in which case you should drop him like a hot coal; or, you have done something in the past to lose his trust in which case, while it may be extreme, his "paranoia" is understandable. my question is, are you telling us everything?
NO!!!
Um... not unless you live with him, I don't see why he needs to know it all! Even then, unless he was expecting you, I don't see the need to tell him. So tell him to back off.
LOL insecure fuck.
at least you know he loves you :3
Wow, what a control freak. No, you don't have to tell him everything and he needs to find something better to do with his time.
@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga - LOL.
This is kind of different, but my dad got on my case about how I had to text him when I was doing things. I literally texted him almost every single thing I did. I would text him when I woke up, when I went to school, when I was between classes, when I came home, when I went to work, etc. He eventually told me to stop haha. I don't think he's necessarily being a control freak, but I could see it being borderline like that. Maybe just talk to him about it and tell him that you don't feel like you need to tell him everything you're doing because sometimes you need time to yourself.
You can just text him and let him know where you are. It's not that difficult, right?
Unless he disallows you to go anywhere without him, and that's something to think about.
You don't have to tell him everything you do. That is childish, it's like me telling my SO every move I make even going to use the restroom or something like that. Couples need their space. Buuut, unless you gave him a reason to be paranoid then that is a different story.
Talk it over and if he overreacts then something is wrong.Have you tried TALKING to him?
Along the lines of "Sometimes I just need a bit of alone time." Im not sure if he is being a control freak, or if he is worried by the lack of communication.. It could feel like you are keeping something from him when all you want is a little time to yourself. I dont think you have to tell him everything, but maybe next time you could text him and say "got off early, going for a walk for a bit. Call you later"... its called communication.