This post has been submitted anonymously by a Datingish reader.
My boyfriend and I were together for three years... off and on. Eventually things broke off and we continued to talk and hangout, but with me attending college in a different place... things got difficult. We were hanging out like we usually do and he just seemed to think it was okay to talk to me and different girls at the same time.
Not to be selfish but I quickly said to him, "If you wanna talk to other girls that's fine but I'm not gonna be one of the few." He then said, "Fine" and stopped talking to me. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later.
When I told him, he didn't even give it any thought. He just said, "You have to get an abortion." I honestly was going to keep it but the more and more he said things about the future, it started to rattle me. I didn't wanna have to do it alone.
He even gave me half the money to get it but the whole two months I was pregnant, he was out partying and living the life and it kinda sucked for me. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I couldn't dare tell my parents. I just felt alone.
My friend took me to get it and I still never got a text or call from him. Two days later, he finally texted me and asked if I was okay. This changed my life... and I love this man, but I know I need to let him go. He couldn't be there for me when I needed him most... and it kind of sucks. I'm going to college and it's really hard to focus when all you can think about is this.
Readers: Do you have any words of encouragement?
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Comments (48)
I think you need to try and forget about him. It's time to move on,sister. Find a guy who won't desert you in a time of need. Other than that,you need to focus on college. It's much more important than him.
Not that I support abortion, but a man worth loving would have been there for you..
Make school and future career your ultimate goal.. Make dough and live as your own hero. Girl, you can still have it good!
In this situation abortion is understandable. Now that you have a second chance at life, use it wisely and don't let wanting to be with someone bog you down. Now you can get a career without having the stress of needing to find a sitter and whatnot. Hopefully you'll learn from this and not to repeat the same mistakes. If it were me in your situation, I wouldn't give him a second thought. He doesn't deserve any pining after he left you high and dry to deal with this all by yourself with the help of your friend when it should have been his responsibility.
Well, at least you had an abortion.
I'm sorry that such a difficult situation was made more painful by his lack of empathy and support. You said you two had already broken it off, and that you'd been on and off before that.
Do yourself a favor, cut all contact. Focus on taking care of you, which includes your schooling, etc. Enjoy the love and support of family and friends, and in time your feelings for him will balance and you will see you are better off free of him.
Someday I hope you are able to have a wonderful loving man who is ready and able to raise kiddos with you!
Please go and see a counselor to talk things out, what you went through was hard, and you don't want to get overwhelmed or depressed. I do think you and your parents need to sit down together to talk, yes they will be angry for not being told, but they might be a good support system.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. As everyone else said, the first thing you need to do is let go of this relationship. We fall in love with people who don't love us back many times in our lives, and it hurts. Also, if you are not seeing a therapist, I think it would help tremendously.
i can only imagine what you must be going through right now. im not going to say you did the right thing but im not going to say you did the wrong thing either. you did what you thought was best for you. could you have had the baby and been alright? probably. but you would be scraping by, wishing to have the means to provide everything and anything for a child all by yourself. take it from a child of a single mother who had no help and has had to get an abortion in the past. as for the man who put you in this situation, fuck him. you are young, beautiful and strong. men like that are not worth your pain and suffering. i tell you from experience, the best possible thing you can do is remove this cold, heartless prick from your life. free yourself of this heavy weight on your heart and you will heal wonderfully and move on with your promising life. this is a great milestone in your life that will teach you many lessons. it's going to be hard, but smooth seas never made an experienced sailor. know that you are brave and courageous. know that there are many people that truly love you for who you are. know that you have people that care about you. know that you are not alone.
<3 my best wishes
Hey. Sends you love. Been there, but I did it at 15, with the guy telling me if I didn't do it he could kill the baby inside me or when it was born. No one believed in me, but one person, that person left two months after my abortion. I want to tell you it gets easier to not hate those people, but it doesnt without help. Ask God, or go to a head doctor. Been two years april and I still struggle everyday. I love you. Stay strong mama.
@coolmonkey@xanga - What does this mean?
i suggest you seek out the counseling services at your school and schedule a meeting. counseling will be able to help you through the hard time as well as learn to let go of this guy - who sounds like real bad news. it's a great sign that you can acknowledge him as the scumbag he is and know to let him go, however difficult the decision is. you're a strong woman.
if one on one counseling doesn't appeal, check our your local planned parenthood (or other clinic where you had your abortion) to see if they have a support group - i am not implying that you need support dealing with the abortion itself but when you go to the groups you may find women who have had similar experiences. support groups can be very healing.
Hunny, timing was not right, and this is NOT the man for you. No man should ever let you go thru an abortion alone. How selfish is he to go partying his ass off while you bear this situation alone. Leave him. You deserve a better man.
He's more of my type really. I like the space and freedom with boys like that.
He's an asshole and undeserving of you. So remember how much of a douche he was when you start to miss him or love him. Think of what he did and the things he didn't do that hurt you.
Now, you're going to college soon! focus on all the good things. If you need time for yourself, skip a semester. You don't want to mess up school due to stress and also, schools offer free counseling if you need it. =D But be happy you did what you did. You can focus on school and youself as opposed to having a baby with that jerk and be stuck with him for life.Ah, I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation to be in :-/ if you need help getting over your abortion, I'd suggest talking to someone about it - if you don't want to go to therapy, maybe the friend who took you could listen to you and give you some advice? God knows you need all the support you can get right now.
Your ex did a shitty thing to you. Leaving someone to go through an abortion alone and just giving them some money is shit and it just proves he's still a kid and no way ready for a serious relationship or any kind of commitment (including a child). I know you probably regret what you did, but that child would have come into the world with a dad who resents the mum, and parents who are in college, probably pretty broke and struggling to support themselves, let alone a baby. Just take time to heal - cut off all contact with your ex (send him a letter or a message telling him why if you want some closure) and try and focus on other things. Best of luck :)
It seems difficult now, but it will get better... It may not be better tomorrow, or any time soon for that matter, but it will get better. You will find someone who cares about you and will focus their attention completely on you. Don't waste too much time thinking about this guy, there are plenty of great guys out there!
this website is very good, you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com/
Technically, you two weren't in a relationship, so he was allowed to talk to other girls while you two were "hanging out" with each other. With that being said, he was a dick and he wasn't there for you when you needed him. Raise your standards higher and move on.
Put the whole thing behind you. You make your choice out of concern for your FUTURE, so gtfo of your past. Live your life, like yesterday. Pay attention in school, meet new people, do everything you knew you wanted to do when you chose to terminate your pregnancy, to live a different life. If you are dwelling like this, you might as well have kept the baby and let it comsume you.
Okay, this is what we're going to do. We are going to drive over to wear he lives and knock on his door. When he opens it, we are going to JUNK PUNCH him.
On a more serious note, living well is the best revenge. Take some time to grieve, then get out there and have some fun!
What a tool. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Please realize you deserve someone so, so much better. <3
A man worth your love never would have left you like that. You may may not want to hear this right now but sincerely God Bless you, Never Feel Forsaken, All is Forgiven and one day you will make a better choice and have a happy little or large family. let the jerk go. He didn't know what he had. I've read one entry and
i can tell...a beautiful loving woman...stay that way
>.< Zoe xx
Literally the exact same thing happened to me last month, except that he came with me. I hope you're doing alright, it can be a tough thing to deal with.
As for the douche, the only thing that will make it better is a) time and b) realizing, and truly believing and accepting, that you deserve (and WILL find) much better. You really do. Embrace your independence and use the "alone" time to figure yourself out, he's just dead weight at this point.
<3