Friday, 25 May 2012
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Rules for Taking a Break
Let me start by saying that this is a very perplexing topic for most couples. If you're the person requesting a break then this may be a tad bit easier for you than it is for the other person.If you feel you need a break:
1. You must make sure that you truly feel like there is a possibility that you want to be with the person. If you feel like your problems cannot be worked out it's pretty obvious that a break isn't going to help. You should probably just eject yourself from the relationship, 100 percent.
2. You need to let the other party know the ground rules of your break. Are you still communicating? Are you seeing other people? What do you plan to accomplish? What aspects of your relationship need to be sorted out, and most important, how long is the "break" for?
3. While you are on your break, truly determine if how things are is really what you want.
If you don't want to take the break:
1. You have the option of letting them know that a break is not what you want. But you have to know that you run the risk of losing them permanently, not just for a period of time.
2. Do not start obsessing over them. I know it's hard, but focus on you and examine your role in the relationship.
3. Do not call, text, email, Facebook or Tweet them. Give them some time to realize what they're missing. Give them some time to miss you.
Have you ever been on a break? Did it work or was it a disaster? What are your tips for handling a successful relationship break?
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Comments (33)
If a person needs a "break", they shouldn't be in a relationship at all.
People should know themselves BEFORE trying to get to know (or trying to be with) someone else. It's ridiculous... This isn't anything directed at you personally, OP, because so many people say the same things and it drives me insane.
"examine your role in the relationship"
What else could there be other than being yourself? Why "act" or play a part? Might as well dedicate part of the day having the woman pick berries and make pottery while the man hunts and fetches fire wood.
"Give them some time to miss you."
These evolutionary games need to stop, or there needs to be a system that makes some kind of use of the effort being put into mate selection that is, at this point in time, accomplishing nothing but frustration and allowing for situations in which breaks become seemingly necessary to simply having a significant other.
Yes! We took a break. It was initially a breakup, but we realized in our time apart that we still wanted to be together. If it had been pre-planned I would agree with your steps on figuring out what it means to be on a break and whatnot. I think the part about truly determining what you want is really important though. Spend time with yourself, doing things for yourself. Definitely helped me.
@lorelei@xanga - I'm 23 years old. Surprise! I've spent all 23 of them with myself... even during those times I was with someone else.
My GF and I had a break early in the relationship. She was still in a mess with her ex so I got fed up with it and told her we should just be friends until she was ready for something more. Sometimes you can't appreciate something until it's gone. After about 4 months apart doing our own thing, we started hanging out as friends again and that led back to dating. Two and a half years later, our relationship is stronger than every. I would say that the best thing you can do for yourself when on a break is just go out and have fun, don't sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Your girl is not going to be eager to get back with you if you're a pathetic mess (unless you're so sad that she feels pity for you but that's not a route you want to take).
Nope, there are no more rules. That is the rule.
If you want to screw someone else that's your business. If I want to fuck someone else that is mine. Because "taking a break" just seems to me like you're in a relationship without the sex, which in my opinion doesn't work. I take relationships 100% seriously or not at all, no downtime. And if we break up, it is over. I don't expect you to come back, and don't expect the same of me.if the relationship was going well in the first place, no side would actually be considering a break. -_-''
@T3hZ10n@xanga -
If a person needs a "break", they shouldn't be in a relationship at all. -That is not true at all, when your committed to someone for a long period you don't just throw it away. A break is a time to "LOOK AT YOURSELF" people change, circumstances change, and people grow while others don't. So even if you were one way BEFORE the relationship, it doesn't mean your that same person now."examine your role in the relationship" What else could there be other than being yourself? Why "act" or play a part? - When I say examine your role I mean look at the entire situation (The reasons why the break is needed to begin with) Find out if it is something that can be fixed or not. (I am not saying change who you are but a relationship means compromise)
"Give them some time to miss you." These evolutionary games need to stop. - Its not a game, if you are with someone for a lengthy period of time and you talk to and/or see each other EVERYDAY. You will eventually need some YOU time. If that is true you have to give this person their time, let them miss you means if someone wants space give it to them.
Lmaooo
Agreed.....@SlackerSociety@xanga -
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - "Your girl is not going to be eager to get back with you if you're a pathetic mess (unless you're so sad that she feels pity for you but that's not a route you want to take)."
That's a route I'd eagerly take without hesitation, just for the added challenge.
Why give it away? Make 'em fuckin' work for it.
i went through this with my ex.. after the verbal abuse got really bad and started getting physical i told him i need to have some distance from him.. to see if there was anything still there. He respected my boundaries (or so I thought, he was actually sleeping with about 13 other girls over that summer) and I ended up taking him back.... big stupid dumb mistake. But I was lonely and I thought he loved me. Everything got worse.
Almost a year later I got out of it.
I haven't been on a break I don't think it'd have worked for me though. Not the "second chances" kind'a person.
I guess it depends how you see the relationship. Traditional ones are about obsession and leaching off each other. I mean, do you really want to spend your whole life with the same person?
It makes no sense that we're not supposed to like several peeps. I do for sure.
I think there is no black or white, yes or no response for something like breaks. Simply put to each their own.
However, personally, if I'm in a position that I need a break that a clear indication that there is something wrong; either we are spending too much time together and need more time for ourselves or just not interested anymore. But i guess each situation is unique..I am so sorry to hear that, I am so glad that you removed yourself from the situation!....@LadyGwenivere@xanga -
Definitely Respectable!! @xXxlovelylollipop@xanga -
LMAO....@twilike@xanga -
Agreed @scribbles -
Breaks are a waste of time and energy. I think they're really unhealthy too, to be honest. You either work it out with your SO or you leave. Telling people "give me time, when i'm better we'll get back together" is utter bull. You don't lead people on that way and nobody should have to sit and wait around for someone to fix themselves because life is way to short.
honestly, I think "let's take a break" means..."I'm going to go date other people and see if there is someone out there better for me, K?...if not, I'll get back to you."
or it's a ploy by someone too chicken to actually say they want to break up, instead they do it in stages, and when you are "safely" apart you get the "I've been thinking...let's call it a day" call
I don't think a break is a good idea.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - hmmm, your comment is unclear to me. Do you mean you that if you were on a break with your partner, you would wallow in self-pity until they felt sorry for you and took you back? Or did you mean you would wait for your partner to become a pathetic mess over missing you before you would want to take him back?
I've just never liked the thought that taking a break could ultimately mean the relationship is over at this conclusion of this "break". I don't want to drag out what would become the end of a relationship, especially if one person doesn't want the break in the first place.
I had an ex that wanted a "break", I ended it immediately. If it wasn't worth it to figure out the problem together, then there was no future for us.
Rules for taking a break: don't do it. Either stick together and work through your problems like adults, or break up.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - Both.
Or, I would want us to both wallow in self-pity until we both feel so sorry for ourselves and the other person that we both have to find some way of determining which of us is sorrier in order to actually have a relationship, that is, should we happen to survive the "break".
Is that not like, THE definition of fun?