Wednesday, 23 May 2012
-
Dealing with a Petty Partner
This post was submitted anonymously by a Datingish user.
How do I deal with a partner who is extremely petty in disagreements and always creates double standards? It's really hurting me. I'm trying to be the bigger person but it's hard. I don't what to do because she won't stop even after I've told her not to.Do I break up with her? We've been together 6 years and it seems silly to break up, but then again she's not respecting my boundaries.
Help!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (17)
If you've been together for six years and you're having these problems, I'd suggest seeing a relationship counselor to get some new tools to talk to each other more efficiently. Mirroring is a great one. For instance, you sit down together and you say "I feel this way and this way because this and this" and she listens and then repeats back exactly what you said and then says whether or not she understands, then you swap. It forces you to listen to one another, appreciate how each other feels, and work out problems areas. There are a lot of really awesome tools like this, and it sounds like you need 'em. That being said, if your only reason for not breaking up is "it feels silly, we've been together this long, might as well keep doing it" that's not a good reason. Make sure it's something you want to be in.
It's hard to be with someone who don't respect your boundaries or you, so you can either 1) talk to her again to see if things change or 2) deal with it.
You know how you sometimes have a huge fight about something as trivial as taking out the trash? ...it's never about the trash.
D'oh. Thought that said "pretty partner." Much easier to deal with, that.
that girl looks like norah jones; she's purdiful
your gf seems like a bully. the last time that a guy tried to degrade me, I insulted him back, then ignored him forever. he can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh:D
go to couples therapy....if she can't change then maybe it would be time to leave...sometimes you have to do what is best for your happiness...
yeah u guys should see a relationship therapist
See a therapist, or be more detailed to get better input.
She will always, always do that. Either seek couple counseling or go your separate ways. Life is too damn short to have such constant hardships in your life. Good luck!
See a therapist. She's not going to change unless she really understands how much it's bugging you. Even though you've told her, she probably doesn't understand how much it's really upsetting you. Like you said, it is a silly thing to break up for, but lots of little disagreements normally indicate a bigger underlying problem and it would do you guys good to get it sorted out with a professional.
We are creatures of habit. You could see one counselor, ten counselors, a hundred counselors, and she'll probably end up changing, and then going back to her old ways days or months later. Or she may even deny that she's the problem in the first place.
If it's been six years and this is JUST coming up, you could get a therapist or a counselor just to try and figure out what may have caused this. But don't let an amount of time like 6 years make you think you have to stay with her forever. If it's not working out, you have to let go.
I also recommend a therapist.
It has done WONDERS for my relationship and both of us as individual people. We have been together 9 years and have been through great times and bad times. We weren't at the end of our rope when we went to therapy, but we needed guidance and that is exactly what we got.
are YOU serious? I hate to be snorting in disbelief that you'd even ask that after stating she
creates double standards, doesn't listen to you even AFTER you've asked her to stop & is petty in disagreementswhen it's clear you're actually wondering what to do.
But it's NOT silly to break up with her...you've been with her what? 6 years & in that time span has she changed at all?? Becaaause it sounds like she hasn't. What makes you think the next 6 years or x amount of time is going to be any different or better, with her? If it's causing you this much grief that you are writing into Datingish about it - it's time to dump & move on! It's been 6 years & I highly doubt things will get any better; if anything they'll get worse.
Do yourself a huge favor & cut your losses on this one, she's had the opportunity to listen to you, to change & she's chosen not to. It's her loss, not yours & it's not silly to want to break up or do so over this.Remember: she's not respecting your boundaries therefore she's not respecting you.
You're going to have to be more specific. I don't really know what you mean when you say "my partner is petty".
What's a specific thing you disagreed about? When it happened, what did your partner say, and what did your partner expect of you that was different from his/her standard for himself/herself? What's an action your partner took that crossed a boundary, and what was that boundary?
Without specific details, I don't know what to think. For example, one situation might be "I think we should save money for a house but my partner buys all this jewelry. He/She thinks I should spend less while he/she spends all he/she wants." In this case, your partner is unreasonable. Another situation might be "I think we should both mow the lawn but my partner says he/she can't because of back problems. He/she refuses to do it but thinks I should." In this case, you would be unreasonable. The conclusion is different even though both are disagreements with double standards.
The same with boundaries. "He reads my email" is a lot more serious than "she leaves her food in my fridge without asking." It is hard to give advice when I don't know which you're talking about.
Yes, break up with her. She's treating you like crap.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - that made me laugh. Soo true!!
people keep suggesting seeing a therapist.
you partner has to be willing to see a therapist and willing to fix things. otherwise you aren't going to get far..you should see one def. but you should talk about it with her to make sure she's on board.