I promise to those of you who take the time to read my posts, to be excruciatingly honest and as my last post proves, I have been.
Not my brightest, shiniest moments, I admit. I was hurting and lonely and he just happened to "pop-up" at the the most inopportune time.
In my very first post, I wrote about how I was seriously crushing on this person and I told him and it kind of blew up in my face, although we resumed some sort of a friendship. Fast forward several months later and we are tighter than we were before. We were discussing marriage and relationships in general, and he admitted that he was afraid. And My heart SANG HALLELUJAH! I KNEW IT! I knew there was something there, I KNEW I wasn't crazy!
Part of the reason I cut it off with "bad boy" is because I knew in my heart of hearts that it was wrong from a moral standpoint and I knew I still had very strong emotions for my crush and I didn't want to be THAT girl. It wasn't me, I was raised with good morals and I didn't like this persona I had taken on. So, I apologized for my part in it, cut it completely off and feel much, much better as a person.
So, last night, my friend, my crush, his friend and I all went to Dennys after our weekly campus club meeting. My crush's friend is a girl. They have been friends since they were 14 or 15. He noticed I got quiet and asked me if I was ok. Of course I said yes. What else was I supposed to say?!
"No, I am NOT okay, I love you and I am trying to hold it inside, but I am about to explode! And I hate how frickin 'buddy-buddy' the two of you are and that the two of you went to prom together, even though it was as friends and that you seem to know things about each other and I DON'T LIKE HER!" Childish, I know.
So, after we were done eating, I walked out of the restaurant. In my defense, I thought they were right behind me. I waited for them to come out and he reached out to slap me a high five. I ignored him for a second and then gave in and gave him a five. We said our goodbyes and he reached out his arms for a hug. I hesitated for a minute, looked up into his eyes, completely came undone once more and moved in for his hug.
I texted him a very formal text when I got home and apologized if I was rude and he replied that he didn't find it rude and that he was hoping I was okay. Dang it, I hate that with one touch he can make me completely come undone. I hate it that I was so jealous that I couldn't even hold it together!
What set me off was this girl ordered coffee and he casually reached over without even asking her and took a drink. Not that it's that unusual. I mean we go to Dennys once a week and we usually share food. In fact, I was sharing my fries with him. I just had a huge wave of jealousy that hit me out of nowhere!
So, I guess I am back to square one, with the exception that we have grown closer and he likes my cooking.... Please be gentle with your comments, dear readers, my heart feels especially fragile.
The Single Girl
Readers: Have you ever been in a similar situation?