I promise to those of you who take the time to read my posts, to be excruciatingly honest and as my last post proves, I have been.
Not my brightest, shiniest moments, I admit. I was hurting and lonely and he just happened to "pop-up" at the the most inopportune time.
In my very first post, I wrote about how I was seriously crushing on this person and I told him and it kind of blew up in my face, although we resumed some sort of a friendship. Fast forward several months later and we are tighter than we were before. We were discussing marriage and relationships in general, and he admitted that he was afraid. And My heart SANG HALLELUJAH! I KNEW IT! I knew there was something there, I KNEW I wasn't crazy!
Part of the reason I cut it off with "bad boy" is because I knew in my heart of hearts that it was wrong from a moral standpoint and I knew I still had very strong emotions for my crush and I didn't want to be THAT girl. It wasn't me, I was raised with good morals and I didn't like this persona I had taken on. So, I apologized for my part in it, cut it completely off and feel much, much better as a person.
So, last night, my friend, my crush, his friend and I all went to Dennys after our weekly campus club meeting. My crush's friend is a girl. They have been friends since they were 14 or 15. He noticed I got quiet and asked me if I was ok. Of course I said yes. What else was I supposed to say?!
"No, I am NOT okay, I love you and I am trying to hold it inside, but I am about to explode! And I hate how frickin 'buddy-buddy' the two of you are and that the two of you went to prom together, even though it was as friends and that you seem to know things about each other and I DON'T LIKE HER!" Childish, I know.
So, after we were done eating, I walked out of the restaurant. In my defense, I thought they were right behind me. I waited for them to come out and he reached out to slap me a high five. I ignored him for a second and then gave in and gave him a five. We said our goodbyes and he reached out his arms for a hug. I hesitated for a minute, looked up into his eyes, completely came undone once more and moved in for his hug.
I texted him a very formal text when I got home and apologized if I was rude and he replied that he didn't find it rude and that he was hoping I was okay. Dang it, I hate that with one touch he can make me completely come undone. I hate it that I was so jealous that I couldn't even hold it together!
What set me off was this girl ordered coffee and he casually reached over without even asking her and took a drink. Not that it's that unusual. I mean we go to Dennys once a week and we usually share food. In fact, I was sharing my fries with him. I just had a huge wave of jealousy that hit me out of nowhere!
So, I guess I am back to square one, with the exception that we have grown closer and he likes my cooking.... Please be gentle with your comments, dear readers, my heart feels especially fragile.
With Love,
The Single Girl
Readers: Have you ever been in a similar situation?
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sometimes I see my boss having lunch with his male assistant or some other guy friend I suppose. why doesn't he ask me out to lunch, so we can stare at each other with dreamy eyes while we sip our coffee
stupid business lunch meetings that don't include me
Your friendship is unhealthy. Seeing as you already told him you liked him and he wan't into you and you're still punishing yourself hanging with him falling even more for him!!! Sounds like bad news. And now you're miserable. =/ Cut him out and move on.
I'm usually the girl best friend, so I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice here. And the whole coffee thing, it gave me goosebumps cause my best friend does the same thing. Must be a universal thing.
But anyway, they're just friends and you are just his friend as well. Try to keep that in mind when you feel jealous? Plus, from the beginning of your post, it seems like he does not reciprocate your feelings so your best bet is to try and get over the guy. Sorry if that seemed harsh.
No... these are little things. You have to be able to deal with little things. In friendships, in crushes, in relationships, in marriages. You're paying attention to little things like inside jokes they have or how they interact with each other but these are normal things for close friends who have known each other for so long. They have an intimacy that you don't have with him. It's normal to feel a little twinge of jealousy but you have to be able to deal with it and not let it drive you insane.
That being said, you didn't tell anything in the post that makes it sound like he reciprocates those feelings. Be strong and carry on, or whatever it is that they say. Independence is hot. He knows you like him, and if he likes you too, he'll hopefully let you know straight out.
I think you are thinking way too much into the little details (i.e the coffee). I mean you'd do that with any friend you are comfortable with.I can see the whole prom thing being a reason to feel insecure but who knows what their friendship is like. Either way you know he does not have feelings for you because if he did he would have said or done something. Move on, you deserve someone who would reciprocate the feelings.
Why don't you like her, because she's closer to your crush than you are? Are you competing for his attention? Do you want to? I can assure you, you will lose. I say this because I'm that girl you hate (not literally, but I am the best friend), and maybe I can help you with your approach.
First the DON'Ts
1. DO NOT feel threatened by her because I can assure you that she is not, nor wants to compete with you for his affection. Maybe his attention, but lets face it, their best friends it can be compromised but should not obliterated UNLESS she secretly has a crush, but it doesn't seem like the case here.
2. DO NOT get on her bad side, please believe she can have you erased easy, or at least less liked.
3. DO NOT try to be her best friend with the agenda to get close to him, she'll see right through you.
NO the DO's
1. Wear something cute each time you see him, you don't have be a slut or anything close, just make sure you look cute.
2. Say something funny (that is obviously funny!!), emphasize your common interests by inviting him to do things with you.
3. Most importantly be yourself, you two obviously get along, so you don't need to change who you are, just enhance the fact that you're into him. The first two is to take his attention away from your friendship and see you as a potential suitor.
I hope this helps. Remember, be yourself and DO NOT feel intimidated by the best friend. If you two can genuinely get along, she can put in a good word for you without you needing to ask her to. (contemplate having that card in your hand) =) GOOD LUCK!
@ShirleyD@xanga - I couldn't have said it better myself, it isn't healthy to stick around someone who clearly doesn't share your feelings. He sees you as a friend, that is it. Move on.
@MzBrownEyez - I don't know about all this DO's and DON'Ts. He had already expressed to her that he has zero interested in her (from her previous blogs) and yes, obviously, she's jealous of her crush's best friend bc she's not her and she's not comfortable with how close they are with each other.
I say forget all the DO's and DON'Ts. Maybe you need to take a step away and work on yourself and your feelings before you can continue to be "just friends" with this guy.
Since you've already told him your feelings and he never reciprocated, he has no romantic feelings towards you. I think you just need to stop hanging out with him for a few months, flirt with other guys, meet new people, all the while getting the much-needed closure. Otherwise every little thing that he does will hurt you, and you will never move on.
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Thst's the thing, he HAS started to show some interest! The other night he told me some guy with a southern accents ( he's from NC, y'all) was going to come sweep me off my feet. And I put my hands under my chin and said, ( in my best gone with the wind southern belle voice) and you know what I'm going to say to that sweet talking southern boy? oh, my hero, what took you so long?!?
I honestly think he is just scared. His parent's marriage just ended and I know he was almost engaged at one point.@singlegirl29 - go with your gut. if you really think he's showing interests, then build off it (if you can). BUT i still think you should work on being okay that his best friend is a girl because if you can't get over that, then you really have no future with him.
it's obvious you're not going to let up, so I only wish you the best, and hope you built a sturdy safety net.
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i find this cute lol.
Nope. Not that I don't ever get jealous but... A friendship isn't anything to get jealous about when you are trying to pursue him from a relationship standpoint. You and her are not competing.
I was usually the best friend. Guys usually saw me as another guy, and treated me as such, and it would usually frustrate me, not because I was into them, but because I was tired of being completely genderless, and couldn't figure out a way to change that, other than breaking all of those friendships and start wearing miniskirts or something. I wanted to be the jealous girl with the silly crush.
yes yes yes yes all the time.