During one of my "work experiences," I worked for my parents' friend's family business out of the city. I had to live with this family and there was a language barrier. They spoke another language and limited English and I spoke another language but I was born in England so my English was significantly better.
So I was all alone with people that didn't understand me and very homesick. I didn't really interact with anyone except one of the sisters.
This was where I met him. He was different from any of my exes and I guess that's what initially attracted me to him
. He was independent and mature, had his own mind not someone to just say "yes" and agree with me every time. When I first met him, he kept to himself a lot, he never said a word to me.
His brother tried to make me feel welcome and always invited me to watch movies with them and another girl because I was alone and obviously felt uncomfortable. I never went.
I began my training mid-November and as the time passed, I found him more and more intriguing. He would come down to work and then while working, he'd always look at the clock as if waiting for something. After he finished his work, he would go back upstairs as quick as he came down. He was just so mysterious.
Soon, I gained confidence and found excuses to speak to him, he was always very neutral. But during Christmas time, I could tell there was some attraction there. He began touching me more and holding my hand for longer than necessary. By January we were "together."
The weeks passed, we grew closer.
But in March, his family realized something was up and I had to leave their business. From January til November, we secretly met up
and he would take me out.
We would just go out on dates and he always spoke to me about going on holiday with me, living together, getting engaged. At the time, I thought it was too early to be talking about the future especially engagement! Yet now, I think it would have been best if I had said yes back then.
In November, we broke up because I had to work 7 days a week and I felt it wasn't fair to him. Also, we were at least a 2-hour train journey from each other. I thought I did it for the best. It's been two and a half years since we broke up. During that time, we've been on and off. I've changed my job. We talk everyday about anything. Everything. We meet up once every couple of months to "hook up." It's okay for the present but I'm worried about the future
He wants to start a business with me. We're not a couple but if we carry on like this... I don't know what's going to happen. Especially if we are planning to start this business at the end of this year.
We both have soft spots for each other, in which he cares for me or is still slightly jealous and I still care for him deeply but we just don't talk about what we are. It's a taboo subject. I know the most obvious answer would be to talk about it with him but I know what he's like and I know if I do, I'll lose him.
It's like I need him and he needs me but we won't admit it to each other because I think we're both still scared of what the other will say or even reject one another
My friends say cut him off. Forget him. The problem is I've already invested money into our business and also I don't want to cut him out of my life. He was perfect for me in every way but I messed up, now nothing will ever be the same.I'm not sure what to do anymore, I am utterly and hopelessly clueless. What do you think I should do now?