Friday, 11 May 2012
My SO and I have recently celebrated our one year anniversary of living together. We've had ups and downs and as of recently, more downs than ups.
We've had our fair share of problems where he's treated me less than stellar, mostly verbal explosions (no name calling, but using my past against me and throwing my experiences in my face), and made me feel terrible about decisions I've made in the past. I won't say I've been perfect, we all know that can't be true, but I can't admit to deserving the kind of treatment I've received.
Where do we draw the line?A couple of weeks later, we were leaving for a trip to Canada to see our mutual best friend get married to her long time boyfriend (we're down in the states, long trip) who is also a friend of ours. We had a mix-up at one of our connections and missed our flight.
He was furious. He told me how it was completely my fault and he NEVER should have let me even look at the itinerary. Actually, it was his fault for letting me look. It wasn't worth talking to me about it. I responded to him that we both had equal part in missing the flight, we both made the mistake and in no way was I the only one to blame. Not in his head.
He was going to go take a shower (we stayed in a hotel overnight). And so he did. He pounded on the bathroom walls for at least 20 minutes yelling about our bad luck at the airport, showing how aggravated he was. All the while, I sat there and just waited.
This wasn't the guy I thought I met. This wasn't the guy I was friends with for three years before we moved in together, or the guy I had been living with for at least 8 months prior to our relationship turning into this. How did it get to this point?
We ended up having a nice time in Canada. It was a beautiful wedding and I talked to my friend after the wedding about what happened. She just so happens to have a degree in psychology and had wonderful advice on how to talk to my SO. I came home and spoke to him within days, letting him know that the first time was the last time and I'd be gone if it happened again.
He got away with verbally treating me like a punching bag for a couple of weeks too long and that was my mistake, but he'd never get that close to a physical outburst again and expect me to stick around, comprende?
I'm glad we had that conversation early on. He apologized and we had a very heartfelt conversation about it. That was a couple of months ago and our relationship has completely turned around since then.
My last question to you, Datingish readers, is have you ever been in this situation or know of someone who has been? What was your advice to them?