Thursday, 10 May 2012
I read this post on Datingish. It's something almost all of us have experienced, whether we were in loving relationships or even unrequited love. It can be really hard to get over someone.
And it's almost always not a cerebral issue; the person you love could be the next Hitler yet your emotions get the best of you. But don't feel bad about that for even people like Einstein had difficultly figuring out love. What more for the rest of us with normal sized brains?
One of the most clichéd solutions that people give is time. "Give it time and it will pass." Sometimes that happens but as the old saying goes: "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Even an absence of time can apply.
What's worse is we have social media like Facebook with which we can stalk the people we once loved and still love (and "un-friending" doesn’t always work). Of course those people will post about how wonderful their lives are, which make us question what is it that we did to drive these "amazing" people away (only made more amazing by our blinding love).
And what's worse we wonder if our lives would even be more wonderful if they were still in it. Awful, awful, awful. So yeah time can be a tricky bitch.
Another clichéd answer: 'Get a hobby!" Probably one of the dumbest ones. You could start building ships in bottles, write your epic novel, take up a tri-athalon etc. But at the end of the day, while it may occupy your time for a while, these things will not warm your heart like a person you love.
And perhaps in the day you may be running around like a chicken with its head cut off, when you lie in bed at night, in the dark, alone, 9 times out of 10 you won't be thinking about buying that new bike....
So what can you do? You're only human right?
Number 1: Maintain/Build/Re-build Relationships. Not just romantic ones. But ones with your friends and family. It's important to maintain close, loving, platonic relationships for ultimately they can return you to sanity when romance has driven you up a wall.
Creating/strengthening bonds and filling your time with other people that you love (in a non-romantic way) can be a good distraction. It can remind you of the qualities that you admire in a person, in a friend, in a lover or even in yourself. And following Number 1 you should....
Number 2: Meet new people. Date. Now I'm not saying go on a drunken binge and hook up with random people (the word date seems to have taken on new meaning so it has to be clarified). That's almost always a bad idea and will only exacerbate that feeling of loneliness. But go on dates. Be open to the possibility of meeting new people and take any avenue to meet them.
Check out people you are attracted to, allow the possibility of someone else. I do grant that this step can be tricky to navigate because you may be opening yourself up to more hurt. I would say in the beginning try to approach dating as something that is simply a fun way to meet a possible romantic interest or even just a new friend.
I once went on a date a guy I wasn't sure was gay or not (long story) but I went into the "date' with the open mind of "hey, he could be someone I could get into romantically" or "hey he might be my new best friend!" It was certainly a fun dinner to say the least!
Ultimately you want to rejoin the human world, build love with other people and yourself, not things or hobbies. Because we are social beings and love is what motivates us and keeps us going!