Yesterday I found myself at Best Buy with my best friend flirting with one of the employees who worked for Direct TV. After talking and exchanging compliments back and forth, we invited him to go out with us that night. Since we were intrigued to do so with him, we decided it would be alright if I texted him saying, "Hope to see you later!"
I really didn't even expect a response back, or even him to want to go at all. But what I DID receive was so left field it threw me for a real loop. Instead of him talking about himself or anything, he went immediately into talking dirty to me.
He basically said how he "wanted to bury himself inside me" as soon as he saw me; how he "wants to slap that ass..," and other crazy messages. He then proceeded to send penis pictures... about three of them. He also said graphic things he wanted to do to me, and maybe I could "invite my friend and it would be a real party," etc.
My friend was trying to convince me that ALL men out there are like this. They will only show their good side and try to be Prince Charming if they actually like you and care for you. She explained to me that if guys could, they would talk to us this way because that's how they like talking--graphically and explicit with no shame.
Needless to say I was kind of... appalled. This guy looked like any other average guy. No one would expect such a dirty person to be hiding inside. And no other guy who I have talked to through texting before in the past has ever said anything so graphically to me like this.
So, I'm wondering if she is right. Behind every guy is there a guy who doesn't want anything but a one night stand and to dirty talk to a girl he just met? I'm so sure that there are still SOME chivalrous guys out there waiting to be found and who would NEVER talk this way to a girl?
However, they have yet to cross my path so my speculation is growing!
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Comments (41)
No... that's definitely fucked up.
http://t3hz10n.xanga.com/762439263/truth-in-writing/
Well, my experience has shown that your friend is right. If a guy wants an actual relationship he doesn't go right in for the kill like that. However the guys who want the booty call have amazing courage behind the screen of technology. Guys I've met have never said stuff like that to my face, but wait until later when we chat online or through texts.
I find that the guys who actually like me for more than a sex toy wait until we've actually had some physical contact in the relationship before they talk about it.
No. Definitely not ALL men are like that. Only those who wants a quick fuck are like that.
Do I believe that most guys think about dirty things like this? Absolutely. Do most guys say or want to say these kinds of things to girls they just met? Absolutely not, and that kind of forward behavior from someone you just met is seriously appalling. I'll tell you right now that any decent guy - no wait, not just the decent ones, but all the normal and sane ones - would not say those kinds of things to someone they just met, unless the interaction between you two was clearly sexual (like a drunk hookup at a bar). I can only hope that he was fucking around (no pun intended) and joking/going for a shock factor with you and your friend. I've never had this happen to me or anyone that I know of, and frankly I find it kind of scary since you didn't know the guy until a couple hours earlier... I certainly hope you didn't meet up with him because doing so after texts like that would probably read as an open invitation to fulfill his fantasies.
In general, sure, I think most guys like to fantasize about dirty things, get off on talking dirty, and enjoy it. Then again, some don't. For your friend to feel (and to try to convince you) that you just can't avoid it and "thats just how guys are" is a dangerous mindset to have, because at some point you will think you don't deserve anything more than a guy that says disgusting and degrading things to you. Personally, dirty talk turns me on, but I simply can't TALK dirty to someone... it feels totally fake coming from my own mouth. My current boyfriend feels the same way - I'm sure it turns him on, but when he tries to do it he feels funny, like he's just acting or pretending. We both like hearing it however, or watching porn etc. that is very verbal.
In the end, thinking those things is harmless... but saying them to someone else without their consent (or being in a relationship) is essentially the definition of sexual harassment.
I totally want to say weird things, not necessarily "dirty" things, although I have some things in mind
some things that I've thought about saying: "I don't want to date you. I just want to touch your face." (referencing that cute guy from my previous recent comment with the babysoft skin
)
when I see a tall guy, I have an urge to climb on his limbs as if his arms are tree branches; this is how I feel when I see my tall boss. "you're so gorgeous. can I climb you?"
I don't look like the type that would say dirty things either. most peoples' first impression of me is that I'm innocent looking and shy
I'm not a skank per se, but I can be dirrrrtay via words and visually
I'm in to dirty talk, but it is not something I'd send to a woman I just met. Of course, if I'm attracted to a particular woman, I probably will think sexually about them. So in a way, your friend has a point that men think of such things. However, your friend is incorrect that all guys want one night stands and to speak in such manner all the time. It does not appeal to me. On the other hand, being chivalrous and dirty talk are not mutually exclusive. It's a matter of appropriate timing.
"Behind every guy is there a guy who doesn't want anything but a one night stand and to dirty talk to a girl he just met?"
The bitter side of me wants to say yes but all men can't be like that. Not all women are like that so it's unrealistic to believe all men are. He came on way too strong too quick. It's good he's honest lol but damn it's kind of rude of him. Some men are just naughty like that, I don't think they are trying to disrespect you.
I couldn't be interested in someone who spoke to me that way after just meeting me. I think there are some good guys left out there who can withold the dirty talk until the appropriate time.
um.... he's definitely a dog.
What an asshole.
He's hiding behind his phone for confidence. A lot of guys do it. If he was genuinely interested in you, he wouldn't kick off a conversation like that. I know a guy who's really into dirty talk and I just ignore him when he starts it because I personally find it really off-putting - it's like he's only talking to me for a way to get off and doesn't actually give a shit about me as a person or anything, otherwise he'd talk about other things for more than three minutes before launching into the dirty stuff. It's pretty pathetic, especially because he has no guts to do it in real life.
well there are guys out there who are chivalrous ... but i guess with the way your way you friend was flirting i think the guy figured you were down for it ... but thats what some people would assume. Anyways from my personal experience when i was with my ex we talked dirty to each other like 3 months after we started dating lol so like everyone else said the guy was just an ass might've thought what i said previously
Not all men are like that.
I say this on so many posts on datingish but BOYS are like that, horny little boys. MEN don't talk like that to a woman... until you're at the point where it's acceptable.
My husband NEVER talked to me that way during the first couple of months of dating. Instead, he was a gentleman. Now, 5 years later, me might send me things like that while he's at work. When he does, it's a nice surprise. But for just meeting someone, that is totally creepy. I would be extremely put off...
My boyfriend read this and went off on a tangent about how shitty guys are sometimes.
That guy is basically a dog that humps your leg...probably hasn't gotten any in years.
If you want a spasmatic, uncontrollable dog as your boyfriend, go ahead.
Dirty talk like that and of that magnitude should be until as least date 2 :)
Nah, it's just youth hormones at work. The older guys get, the less common this menality and behavior becomes (around 30ish). If anything, my GF says I don't do enough dirty talk anymore.
Gee-zuss!
My opinion...That's the kind of guy you hope that your daughter never meets. You just can't tell sometimes. Best to err on the side of caution.
No, all guys aren't like that. But things are a lot different today for teens and twenty-somethings. Too much porn, too much promiscuity, too many messages and too many roles to play, etc. All complicated by social media sites and not well-thought-out text messages.
As a man, interested in the woman or not really interested, I generally don't use coarse language in front of a woman, no over-touching, until appropriate. But I will subtly and humorously flirt. That makes a woman feel appreciated (why else did she dress up for you? Certainly not to hide her sexuality.) And so that she knows that I'm definitely not gay
..Didn't you just say that you've spoken to guys before who have NOT talked that way to you? Therefore, wouldn't it stand to reason..not all dudes are like that?
I would say the guys who do something like that seriously have no game. I mean unless you're the type of girl who is into a one night stand, text me dirty talk asap when we exchanged numbers...etc. Then a guy who takes a real gamble & assumes you're that type - probably has no real luck with the ladies. Guys who understand that more females are into the sweet talking, a date etc..then those who aren't - are the guys who tend to score more. Not that, that makes them any less of a snake in the grass, because a lot of the time those dudes lead girls on...butter them up etc, but they understand how to play the 'game.' this dude? not so much. I mean unless the flirting being done to him was outrageously sexual or big 'hints' were being dropped that some dirty talk would be appreciated - it sounds like he's just a moron. I wouldn't waste any time with him & I would certainly not listen a 100% to your friend stating that ALL guys are like this. Sure, a majority of dudes are just in it to win it - but there's a lot of genuine dudes out there too. The same for females. Just chalk it up to: he's a loser & move on.
Oi! I would also like to add the age old saying of: You can't judge a book by it's cover - is correct. If serial killers & the like haven't woken us all up to the fact you can't know someones true colors or intent just by looking at them..the same would go for this guy. Appears harmless & friendly, but his true colors are he's a perv who is trying way too hard to score.
ugh gross.
bitch there's no such thing as dirty talk unless you're a dirty bitch and in that situation fuckin everything you say is dirty as shit so keep your fuckin mouth closed bitch before I make you puke on my stomach...
Is this what it takes to get laid these days?
Fuck me, I'm into spoons and I go from hugs to three hour quickies, but who the fuck cares? The more you abuse em the more they think they've never been abused!
ok now i'm gonna go take it in the ass til i get a better job.
bitch you know i'm only playin {cuddle} <3
Just another manwhore. c;
sounds like he's tired of his left hand...