Monday, 07 May 2012
He was my first love, my first boyfriend—and it was so perfect. I felt like I was floating, he bought me gifts, cooked for me and made me laugh so much. I was happy. He finished his degree, he moved back home to his parents 300 miles away and I was left to finish my degree.
A year after he left uni, I ended up moving into a house with some friends who quickly turned out to be spiteful, nasty and deceitful. I won't go into everything they did to me because that still is too horrific to recall. I needed my boyfriend, I called him and I confided in him, cried an awful lot and got very confused and paranoid about everything.
He had enough of me, and told me over the phone that it was over and it was my fault for not trusting him, because of the distance. The way I see it, I was going through hell, that girl wasn't me, I'm actually insulted that he forgot the real me and he couldn't forgive me for that; he couldn't hold on until I came back and made it right again.
3 months have gone by now. I still cry myself to sleep, I miss him. Although I don't have any friends now they hurt me more than anyone can imagine, I am feeling better within myself. I'm stronger and I see more and more of myself everyday. I feel terrible for all of the crying I did. He must have absolutely hated me for being so weak to need to get rid of me like that. I didn't want to be blamed for this but every word he said put this all on me.
I cut contact, deleted him from Facebook just as everyone recommended but the hurt remains. What if he was the one and I blew it because I couldn't handle a bad situation? He probably doesn't give me a second thought anymore, he told me he was relieved it was over and that killed me inside.
I lost the man who promised forever. I'm such an idiot!