Sunday, 06 May 2012
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I Like My Brother's Best Friend
This post was submitted anonymously.
Hey readers, I want an opinion on something that I just can't seem to figure out. You see, my older brother's best friend who I've known since I was 5-1/2-years-old is starting to really appeal to me. We practically grew up together. We're neighbors and he's been friends with my brother for the last 13 years. When I was younger, I always used to follow them around (what little sister didn't follow her older brother and his friends around? It could have been just me though), and yes I will admit I did have a crush on him way back in the day, but I was young and any cute boy I met, I liked.
However, now that I'm 18, turning 19 this November, things just seem to be different. I'm starting to see him a bit differently. He's what I call my "Butterfly Man." My friend and I made this term up because we've come to the conclusion that no matter how old you are or who you're with, there will always be that one person that gives you butterflies in your stomach (unless the person you're with is your "Butterfly SO").
When he's around I just can't help but smile. I think about him more often than not, and when he's home from college I actually want him to come over just so I can see him. My brother has been telling me for years that he wants me and him to get married.
My brother wants to be related to him and for some odd reason, his best friend's family also talks about us getting married. My brother told me they want us to get married, so of course it has put the idea in my head. Sometimes I see him stare at me for a moment and then quickly look away. One time he was over with another one of his friends and we were all watching a movie in the living room. I would see him turn a bit and look at me.
He didn't think I noticed because all the light were off. He's having a graduation/birthday party this June and in the beginning according to my brother, I was invited but then recently a few weeks ago he told me I was no longer invited because it's for "21 and older." It actually upset me. I didn't make it seem that way, though.
He still needs time to have fun if you know what I mean, and so do I. I just don't know what it's all supposed to mean. Maybe I'm over-thinking everything, maybe I'm onto something. I don't even know if he cares about me. I hope he does, not that way but just in general.
I know I care about him, not like that but in general. He even once said that if he watched someone grow up he would always see them as a child (he was referring to my little brother, because he watched him from up from 1 to 14-years-old this June), but when I said, "I'm not a child," he said no not you, I was talking about your little brother.
That to me seems like, oh maybe it's a possibility the idea of us two has gone through his head.
So Datingish, my question is what is your opinion? I don't plan on doing something about it, at least not for a few years, but do you think I'm on to something?
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Comments (9)
The one?
Perhaps.
Don't deny any possibility.
Your brother wants it, his family thinks it, you're seeing it...
Dots keep connecting :D
Seems like you have much of this analyzed. You're still young and he still needs his fun. For the time being, he seems like a potential guy for you. This can be a good thing because you know that there's someone out there that you could possibly be with, but are there other possible guys? Not bad to see who else is out there. In a way, you can consider it as "making mistakes" with other guys first before you get to a potential guy. In any case, keep on smiling when he's around. (smiles)
if he wants to "have fun" and sleep around, then finally settle with me, then I'd probably have a different view of him. if he really likes me, then he won't want to have fun with others, but just with me. if we mutually feel that we're "the one" for each other, then there isn't an urge to be with anyone else. so the urge to "have fun" before committing to each other means that "the one" is actually "the one after I find the other ones
" shouldn't you care about him "like that" and not just in general
anyway, if you start dating and are compatible and become serious and continue to make it work together, then maybe get married if the both of you feel that it is the right time, but don't get married just because your brother and family thinks that you should.
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You’ve known the guy for years, your brother jokes about you two getting married, he gives you butterflies…. The only thing that seems to be missing from your story is how you and this guy actually connect.
You have “known” this guy for 13 years, for much of which you’ve been a child. But for at least the past 3 or 4 years, you have been old enough to engage in your own conversations with this guy about school, interests, etc. How has your relationship with him grown or changed? What things do you have in common? Does he speak to you and treat you like an adult and an equal, or a child? In short - why do you like this guy?
Based on your age, and the fact that he is graduating (from college I assume), you have at least 3-4 years difference between you both. This is not a large age difference in the long run, but right now it may feel very large (to him in particular) since he has experienced 4 years of college and is about to embark on “real life”, and you are either a freshman in college or just about to enter college. While it’s clear that this guy will be in your life for the foreseeable future based on his friendship with your brother, you are right to take it slow and allow you both to just live your lives right now.
My only suggestion, if you are interested in seeing whether or not he may be right for you, would be to begin (or continue) developing your own relationship with him – external from his relationship with your brother. When you see each other, ask him about his life and his interests, work, projects, etc. Share with him things that you are interested in, classes, extracurricular activities or hobbies. Be in touch with him through email/fb (if this feels appropriate). Possibly you can join your brother and him in certain activities – this will only get easier as you get older. During all this, see if you feel any sparks or connection that seem special, different from the friendly interactions of an older brothers best friend.
In the end, don’t overthink anything. Be yourself, continue to develop a friendship with this guy that is unique from his friendship with your brother. If he feels the same and it’s meant to happen, there doesn’t seem to be anything standing in the way of you both dating in the future!
I'm getting married to the my brother's best friend... My best advice is to just let it play out naturally. If he's a normally straightforward guy, he'll let you know that he likes you, especially since your brother has already told you that he wants you two together, which means he probably told his friend the same thing. Don't get your hopes up too high, and just enjoy yourself. Then it might turn itself into something else.
@iloveyoumixtape - This.
Hopefully your guy it's nothing like him, and your situation won't end up like mine but you should be careful... It's easy to see him as the perfect guy for you--because he's probably the guy you compared all other guys to your entire life... And it's sooo easy to fall for someone who you've cared about for so long, especially when you think you have every reason to trust them to not screw you over.
Another thing is that looking back now, we never would have worked out because he knew me as who I was growing up, who I used to be... And so that's who I thought I had to be around him. I felt like I couldn't be me, because he expected me to be the old me.
I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it, I think it has the potentially to be a great relationship. And your instincts about his feelings towards you are probably right... But I think you should be careful because the feelings and connection (and butterflies!) you already have towards him can get in the way of you handling the situation with the amount of caution any new relationship/thing deserves.
Hope this helps and good luck!