Saturday, 05 May 2012
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I Can't Move On
Let's just say that everyone or most of us have been through the long process of healing from a heartbreak; or maybe you're going through it now like I am. Here's my story.
A few months ago, I met this guy. He is tall and handsome, funny and artistic. We hit it off well, and I was in fact very attracted to him. Due to the fact that he is a foreigner in my country, he doesn't have any friends so I was about the only person he could hang out with. We spent a lot of time together, but things got complicated. We decided to date without the official status and I told myself not to get too attached because we both knew he would be returning to his country sooner or later.
But when he said he wanted out, I was heartbroken. We remained friends, but it was hard on me. I see him every day in school/my workplace. I tried so hard to forget about him, to stop liking him; but every time I thought I had move past it, I realized I hadn't. I still wanted so much to spend time with him or to just be around him. I've even "googled" ways to forget a guy/how to get over a heartbreak.
Just recently from his Twitter, I found out that he may have had a girlfriend back in his country all along, while we were dating. He might have lied to me but I don't know. I mean it doesn't matter anymore, right? All I want to do is to forget about him and move on with my life as soon as I can.
So readers, how long does it take for you to move past your ex-lovers? And what are the ways that you used to help yourself get through it?
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- From: someoneontheearth@xanga
- Name: someoneontheearth
- About Me: Pls read this as if u dont know its me. like a third party blog. it will be very much appreaciated
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Comments (24)
Can be quick, can be long. There's no set time unfortunately. The only advice I can give is to stay active in activities that are independent of him. Don't call him, don't text him, don't read his twitter. Not right now at least. Take this time for yourself.
Well, when you still love them like you obviously do... you don't get over them.
It's a process. When you love someone it's like shrapnel. They explode into you and bits and pieces of them are stuck with you. You'll remember him for a long time, but every time you think about him it will be less painful. Try your hardest to focus on the positive things you gained from the experience and focus on growing yourself, and being happy yourself. It doesn't hurt to keep very open eyes to other people out there too, if only to recognize that there are other people out there. A relationship ended was a relationship not meant to be, and you'll find someone better... someone who you can actually be near you, care about you, and be honest with you. Every little heartache leads to another stronger love :)
Delete everything. His number, twitter account, facebook, everything. As for seeing him in person, that'll take some time to get over. Its creepy how he left his girlfriend back at home and dated you, shows that you're better off in the first place. <3
"So readers, how long does it take for you to move past your ex-lovers?"
It takes however long you wish for it to take.
"And what are the ways that you used to help yourself get through it?"
Starting new hobbies, socializing often with friends, establishing routines and stuff...
No binge drinking, binge eating or serial dating.
It took me a year and a half to get over my first bf, and that was without any communication with him. It sucks but you just need to have patience, wait it out, and look forward to the future. You'll most likely find someone so much better.
Too busy juggling 7-8 part time jobs to care about a relationship...all these jobs to keep me busy and out of any sort of mess I don't need. And when I want some down time it's to either be with myself or to hang out with friends. Don't need the added stress of relationships right now.
There's this crush I have on a guy too - he's 3 years younger than me, but is super religious. He's always on year long retreats for his priesthood (and no he's not like the stereotypical priest *cough*), I don't even know how long until he'll be back. A few weeks ago he messaged me out of the blue it was so fun talking to him. he doesn't even know i like him or maybe he does but right now i don't see a relationship working at all so i keep busy with friends and my jobs.
my other guy i was seeing for 3 years -- it's just been a BFF kinda thing now. he's got stuff going on and so do and i've just been so busy wrapped up with work...sometimes when people say they're busy with work and can't hang is actually true. i'm trying to pay off my student loans and debt getting rid of them as quickly as i can that's why i work a gazillion jobs. i also do 3 volunteer/non-profit jobs on top of 3/4 regular part-time jobs. i like helping the community in down time -- gives u good references, too.
You can start by defying the title of this post. The first step is telling yourself that you CAN move on. It takes time, but it's possible.
Seems like he could possibly be a two-timing bastard, so if you want to forget. One way is to out-right dislike him with a reason, which is him being a two-timing bastard. You in a way will still have feelings for him, but these feelings would push you to make little to no contact with him, just overall want to avoid him. I can't say how effective this would be because it would depend on who you are as a person, but it's not a bad idea to try.
@Anon - Yeah, when all of these things are a factor in your life, it's probably a bad idea to dwell on someone, since that could mean you are unsuccessfully blocking something out in spite of your busy life. Perhaps it is for the best your priest friend doesn't know of your crush(or else he might think you are closer to the stereotype if you are a young college student and he is even younger J/k), it would be unfortunate if you were to give signals you weren't prepared to follow through on. If someone is in a situation, I think it is wise to allow them to decide and convey unambiguously if they want to include me or not after I told them I want to be more than friends. If they are too busy it doesn't seem wise to continue a pursuit.
don't follow his twitter. if you feel it's awkward to delete him from your facebook because you work together, simply hide him from showing up on your news feed. basically, cut off all contact with him that you can... you can't help that you see him at school or at work but you *can* keep him from popping up onto your digital media.
I usually distance myself from that person and try to stay busy. I find that meeting new people and going out to events and whatnot helps a lot. How long it takes is different for everyone. And stop googling on ways to get over someone. Although I realize it's effort on your part to get over him, it's confirmation that you're not over him and is an act of continuing to dwell. Stay away from his social media updates, find new hobbies, do something that will distract you.
To get over...You need two things...
First, time....As the quote said, time is the best healer...
Second, find someone else....Better....
If you are still not able to move on, then either the time wasn't long enough
Or, you haven't find someone that's better...
From what I've been/done/seen/heard, the best antidote is another, serious relationship. The worst is a superficial serial dating pattern.
So for your next post, tell us all about your elementary school crushes, the best finds on OkCupid, who has poked you recently (I mean on facebook, you dirty minded scalawags!), and whether or not you have anybody making mooneyes at you. Then we'll all help you try and figure out who the one with best serious potential is!
It depends on the person, with how long it takes for them to get over something rough, like a heartbreak. Good ways to cope would be to surround yourself with good friends or family. Give yourself a week to be mopey & sad about it..but once that week is up, get on with your life! That doesn't mean you have to be a 100% healed etc. but the act of going out with friends or doing things will eventually help you to move on. Staying inside alone or whatever is just going to make the process more long & drawn out.
I would delete any contact with him by the way..he sounds kind of sketchy..with the whole maybe girlfriend thing. Although, you did enter into a loose relationship..which you probably shouldn't have done, considering you already had strong feelings for him. But what's done is done & all you can do is do the things you enjoyed doing before you met him, make new friends & live life to the fullest. Heartbreak sucks & happens to us all..it's how we deal with the after math that makes us better.
6 years, still haven't gotten over it.
SMILE! :)
Sometimes we aren't able to forget...But one day someone else will come along and you'll make new memories.
When you fall so deeply in love, you never truly get over that person. The best you can ever hope for is to befriend that person so you can still be a part of each others life. I know its hard to accept that this person will always have a piece of your heart, but eventually you will find love with someone else. You will move past your feelings with this guy and find that there is someone out there that will make you come first in the relationship. Hang in there.
It usually takes a while... but there's no "exact" amount of time. But from experience, I can tell you that it DOES help to eliminate all traces of him. deleting numbers, facebook and contact in person. It's tough, but it's better for you in the long run.
I wrote a post in reply to you! I hope it helps:
http://theasianwithnoname.xanga.com/762455927/re-i-cant-move-on/
As recycled as this saying is going to be, only time will heal your heart. It won't happen right away, but you have to make a conscious effort to have some distance from him or you'll never get over him.
It differs every time for me. I come up with legitimate reasons of why it's best that the guy and I aren't together. I make the decision to move on. I get rid of certain things like photos and journal entries and such to help lessen the things I have that are directly related to him, so I don't look back on it and get all reminiscent and wishful about being together or even resenting myself for ever liking him in the first place. I keep myself busy doing things I enjoy doing or need to do. I do my best to not think about the guy too much, I'll change my thoughts to something else. Life does go on and there are plenty of people out there you haven't even met yet so don't lose hope. Look at this as one step closer to being with the right person. So I guess my way of moving on is to logically convince myself that this is best, how to make the most out of this, how to move forward from the mess my heart just went through, and how to better protect myself here on out. One thing you could learn from your own situation with this guy, is to not further invest yourself into a guy when you're not in a committed relationship. Always guard your heart. You'll get through this.
:(
It's a hard road. I've been there..and I got the scars to prove it...
Don't be a in a rush to meet someone new. When it happens, it will happen, but don't force yourself. The pain has to heal by itself, it can't be covered up with some cheap Band-Aid.
One thing that people will say is to delete all photos, stuff that reminds you of him, etc. But I don't think you have to delete or throw out things permanently, I think that feels even worse...just put them in a place where you can't access them easily. When you're ready, you'll be able to look at these things and photos again, and reflect on them in a meaningful way.
For me, it took about half a year to start feeling sort of ok, and another half a year to feel stronger. At first I tried to date others, but it just bored me. So I just accepted my situation and stayed single for a long time....and eventually, I met someone else for whom I felt the same deep love as the first guy.