Friday, 04 May 2012
I love Facebook. It's a great way to keep up with long-distance friends and catch up with even older friends. I even get to connect with mutual friends and get to talk to my boyfriend's family. It's a great way to stay connected. Recently, I have come across a scenario that sort of has me baffled.
My boyfriend's childhood friend as well as one of his cousins requested me on Facebook. He talks to his friend every so often, maybe once every couple of weeks. I didn't even know his cousin was his cousin when I got the request because according to him, they never talk. I saw that my boyfriend's sisters were friends with him, along with a few other cousins, so I accepted, but I never scrolled down the "Mutual Friends" list. Come to find out, that particular cousin didn't even request my boyfriend!
Here's the situation... A few months back, his friend messaged me and asked how we were. I said we were okay. I then said that my boyfriend was at work and to call him when he got off, or text him. End of conversation. I don't know his friend like that. I have never met him in person. There's really no need for us to get into a full on conversation. A few months back, his cousin did the same thing. He messaged me and asked how I knew my boyfriend (despite our public relationship status LOL) and then asked how we were doing. I told him we were fine and that my boyfriend was at work, and told him to contact my boyfriend. End of conversation.
Both times, I asked my boyfriend if they had contacted him. Both times he told me no and asked me why. When I told him that they had contacted me, we both agreed that it was odd but that I was right in my responses. I could tell it kind of irked him, but not because of anything I had done. It was just weird - why would they contact me and not him? Then, about a month later, his cousin finally requested him. I didn't hear from them since.
Earlier today, however, I was on Facebook, and I got a message from the childhood friend again. Same thing - hello, and asking how we were. I said we were okay, and that he was at work. He asked what I was up to and I said, "Nothing much. Taking care of him and baby. But you can text him if you want." End of conversation.
I don't mean to come off as short and standoffish, but I don't feel right talking to them. I understand we are friends on Facebook, but that's about as far as it goes. Commenting on statuses and stuff, I don't mind. Private conversations with them? That just make me uncomfortable. Is that wrong? Should I just "un-friend" them?
Part of me wants to tell my boyfriend again, however, I don't want him to think, "Why do they keep contacting her?" We both have trust issues with people in general, and I wouldn't want him to think his friends had ulterior motives if they don't. Then again, I don't want to not speak up and make it seem as if I have anything to hide. Should I just tell him? I just don't understand. This whole thing is just so irritating, and ODD! Am I the only one that thinks that?
I have had issues with this kind of thing in the past. My ex-fiance's friends weren't really his friends. They talked bad about him to me when he wasn't around and tried to steal me away from him constantly. He couldn't even walk into the kitchen without "Aye, you know he isn't any good for you. Girl, you are so fine. You need a man, not him." So on and so forth.
When his "friends" came over, I would go into the room or go somewhere else because I was the only female there, and wasn't going to kick it with the guys. My fiance would then tell me I was rude, and essentially a bad hostess. When I would tell him about his friends and the things they would say and do, he would just get mad and yell at me for telling him. I felt as if I should warn him about these people he considered friends that really weren't, but he was more mad that I told him than mad at what they did/said.
I know that's nowhere near the same thing that is going on with my current boyfriend, but it still affects the way I see the situation. I don't want my boyfriend to get upset about something that might not be anything, but like I said - I don't want to NOT tell him. I feel as if I am becoming an issue in general, especially after the situation that just occurred with his (now former) female friend about my Twitter page.
I know that also isn't the same situation as this, but still. I just don't want him to fall out with another friend, and possibly resent me and say I am coming in between his friendship(s), when that's not the case at all. A part of me wants to ask his friend why they keep messaging me, but I feel as if that would be overstepping boundaries.
What would you do? Would you tell your significant other, or would you just keep it to yourself?