Friday, 04 May 2012
Being shallow is part of being a human; many people have trouble accepting this truth because they claim that being shallow is a bad thing. Being shallow isn't a bad thing because we are all shallow to some degree. Of course, there is a line drawn between moderate and excessive just like there's a line drawn in everything else. Everyone has the ability TO feel beautiful/handsome because everyone is beautiful to a certain extent.
Not everyone is going to find you beautiful, but there's not a certain number system that determines what level of physical attraction you are. If three girls find me sexually attractive, that doesn't make me sexually attractive; that makes me sexually attractive to those three women.
I can be handsome to one person, sexually attractive to another, physically attractive, ugly, horrendous, monstrous, etc. to someone else. How I feel about myself is an internal agreement.
If everyone in the world thought I was ugly, I could still call myself handsome because how I feel about myself is not determined by what other people say, but influenced by what other people say. It's nice to receive compliments because it helps me feel better about myself, but the way I feel about myself is my own belief.
I believe that I am handsome, and I believe that I am less handsome than some men; this doesn't mean that I am correct, nor do I think that they should feel the same way. As a result, I believe that I have earned the ability of dating women at my consciously-determined level of beauty, and would consider myself more fortunate to date a woman of higher beauty than my level.
To date a woman of lesser beauty would be deprivation of the level of beauty that I have earned; to suggest that people should settle for less than what they earn is unfair. If I am overweight, I have earned the ability to date women who are overweight, but not women that are morbidly obese. I can date a morbidly obese woman, but other factors must take place to determine whether the relationship is fair.
I am growing bald; if I am to say that I have earned a woman with no genetic baldness (or carry the gene) is unfair. As a result of the unfairness, I would be unjustly shallow.
Being shallow is perfectly rational because it is biological. Like our desire for procreation, it is something that we have limited control over. What also occurs biologically, in our genes and in our environment, is that we develop preferences to people that we consider dating.
If I find a woman sexually attractive, these preferences are different than the preferences of women that I find beautiful. Preferences are NOT necessity; this is commonly confused among many women, especially in teen/young adult forums, who wonder if they are not being pursued because they don't possess preferences that men desire.
During sexual reproduction, meiosis produces genetic variety. As a result of genetic variety, variety occurs in human beings. If there's a variety of men, there's a variety of preferences. There are men who are sexually attracted to women who are morbidly obese, there are men attracted to overweight women, there are men attracted to normal weight women, there are men attracted to underweight women, and so forth.
The same applies to every other thing about a woman, whether it's the color of her hair, eye color, nose length, breast size, nationality, etc. When it comes to breasts, it's a little bit more complex. However, small breasts still don't determine whether someone will find you beautiful or sexually attractive.
Perhaps it's an influence, but the variety in human beings allows possibility for a potential mate. Regardless of your looks, there is always someone who finds you beautiful/handsome. Asking other men about their preferences is pointless because men, like women, prefer different things for different reasons. If I prefer an overweight woman, and an underweight woman likes me enough to become overweight herself, she now possesses a preference that I like, but lost another man's attraction because she no longer has a preference.
If you believe that you can only love one person, then one person is all you need to love. Only one person is important in attraction; all the other individuals are irrelevant. Therefore, there is always someone willing to date you, it's just that... you may not find them at first.
What it all comes down to is that men and women aren't that different: we're both shallow, we both have preferences, and we both want different things. Women can have desires for sexual relationships, but social pressures suggest that they keep quiet about those sexual relationships or refrain from having those relationships because she would be considered a "slut."
Many thoughts or feelings that men share can also be shared by women, and vice versa. We are human beings after all. If men and women really were that different, then we would not be classified as the same. Just because a man or a woman is shallow doesn't automatically make him/her a bad person. There will always be plenty of fish in the sea, and there will always be someone out there who shares your common ideals.
Someone out there wants to date you, and someone out there wants to have sex with you. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you ever ask yourself "why are men/women so complicated," it's because you're making them look complicated.
Biologically, we're complex individuals but if you are able to understand yourself, you are able to understand the opposite gender. If you can successfully do that, then you will know that you don't need to change a single thing about yourself, and you're perfect the way you are.