This was submitted anonymously by a Datingish reader.
I just entered a long distance relationship--I live in FL and he lives in NY. I'm having doubts about it working out because I have trust issues from my past from being cheated on during a six-year marriage.
However, I have decided to give love a chance even through the distance. But the fact that we speak seldom during the day and night (and I don't really know what he's doing and where he's at) drives me crazy since he's vague about his whereabouts.
I just became friends with him on Instagram by default, not knowing he was signed up, and found that he's following 20 women that are posed quite sexy. I'm not sure if they are models , "friends," or women he lusts after.
I want to know from someone out there if I should ask him about it or just continue to observe?
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Comments (15)
Being that paranoid can be dangerous. If you don't trust him, don't be with him. He is only human afterall and is going to be attracted to other women as I definitely check out other men even though I have a SO. As long as he doesn't touch ad isn't emotionally invested in these women, who cares? But I do not suggest watching to see what he does online in regards to those pics, you will drive yourself mad. @_@ Anyway, a friend of mine told me that instagram is basically people showing slutty pics of themselves. He was scrolling down to show me and damn near every other pic, girls were showing way too much.
I'm sick of this "trust" shit. If you're worried, ask him.
Ask him. Ask him. ASK HIM.
Seriously. It's a childish game. "I want you to trust me."
WHY? What's the fucking point? 1 of 2 things can happen when you trust a person:
1: Nothing
2: They're abusing it and they don't deserve it
If it's nothing, they should have no problem answering if you ask them about something, otherwise, you have a good reason to ask.
Wow, you can see right through this chick's shirt in the ad next to this post. Like straight nipplage. That is all.
Honestly, pictures are pictures. Same as porn . It's all the same every man / woman will look at the opposite or the same sex with lust full eyes that doesn't mean they are cheating , or that aren't. The only way your going to know is if you ask him . Observing isn't going to do anything, but make you feel more paranoid . Honestly just ask him , but don't get angry when you do it. Innocent until proven guilty not guilty until proven innocent .
@ShirleyD@xanga - "only human" -_-
What an excuse.
If you can't trust him, don't be with him because it's not fair on either of you.
I agree with @T3hZ10n@xanga - , ask him.
Of course you should not sound like a victim while doing so. My expirience is, if you mention your own flaws too much people start seeing them in you. If you say "I've been cheated on and therefore I am paranoid" he may cheat on you and rub that in your face.
I am not at all saying that is happening. But ldr s are difficult and I understand your fears...I think many people are afraid of getting cheating on when the partner is far away, and if you are with him "through technlogy" and he knows them through techology too, I'd wonder as well.
Also try not to sound paranoid right away.
I think if you continue to "observe" the only think that will happen is that you think too much and your fears get worse, and it all becomes more complicated so it's better put it on the table right now. The other commenters may be right pictures are just pictures but I think it is better if you hear that from him.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - lucky! All I get to see in the ad next to the post is the cover of a book and the quote "She can see her future. But her past is BLANK"
I was in a similar situation a few months ago, until my boyfriend moved to be closer to me. We lived five hours apart and rarely saw each other, because his manager refused to be flexible with his work schedule (all he was asking for was to get the same amount of days off as usual, just back to back so he could visit me). I trusted him, but when I saw female friend of his on Facebook posed provocatively (I'm talking lingerie, sprawled out on a bed, and in a few pictures, topless with only her arm covering her breasts), it bugged me a little. So I just straight up asked him about her. He said she was just some girl he knew from high school, that she gets around and had been knocked up by like 2-3 different guys, and that he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Problem solved. I would just ask.
Just ask.
It's better than letting it eat at you and poison your relationship.
either way, if you don't trust him, don't be with him..... Or maybe long distance things aren't the best for you...
You can ask him about it but not in a jealousy manner. If he starts to avoid the subject or gets mad about it then he is possibly hiding something from you. Long distance relationships are difficult. I believe there are two type of lovers in the world. First is the emotional lover and second a physical one. If he is a physical lover who needs to be by his SO like glue then it is best to not be in a relationship. It is just my opinion. But just ask. xD
If you can't, won't, or don't trust him, then you ought not be with him since it's not fair to either one of you.
I would ask, and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. Also, should you be in a long distance relationship after everything you went through in your last relationship? Sounds like your asking for trouble. Maybe you're not ready for another relationship yet?
If you're having trust issues bc of your last relationship, don't get into a relationship until you work those issues out. It's your own insecurity that you need to overcome; not him.
While I'm dealing with a similar problem right now, so I can't really give you an advice, I recommend you to read some comments that could result useful to you. Here's the link and goodluck!
http://dearwendy.com/his-take-he-follows-random-chicks-on-instagram/