Saturday, 28 April 2012
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Why You're Not a Slut
From time to time, I like to take out my soap box and jump on it with the fury of a chick on a mission. I like to scream at the top of my lungs and make those around me say, "She's obnoxious!" However, I reserve this totally and completely for topics that I hold dear to my heart. And, this is one of them.As women, we are subject to more than just body scrutiny, but our actions and even sexuality are controlled and policed by those around us. This is why I must take out my soap box once again and scream, "ENJOY!"
This is for all the wonderful, beautiful, bright and fabulous women and young ladies that have had their names tarnished for enjoying life and not apologizing for it.I understand that we are no longer in the era of "free" love, however I do think we've entered a time where "love" can be given up through discretion. My point here is that we ban ourselves from calling each other (women) sluts and from branding ourselves as well. While this sounds easy, in theory it will take work.
So why are women not "sluts?" Because women are just as in charge of their sexual behavior as men and should enjoy being able to make these choices for themselves.
Minding Our Own Business: First and foremost, we need to learn to mind our own business and stop judging other women. "Hooking up" is not a bad thing and should not be seen as such. Many women view having sex as something to enjoy, but also an act that is "bad" or "wrong" because having sex is seen as having loose morals by those around us.
As women, we shame our friends, sisters, and acquaintances simply by scrutinizing their sexual habits, when in reality, what another woman does in the dark (or light) in her own bedroom is her business and not our own. Instead of casting judgment, we need to allow the women around us to make their own choices.Stop Judging Ourselves: Secondly, we need to stop judging ourselves. Look, we all have needs and sometimes those needs have to be met. Allowing yourself to do something you WANT to do is not going to ruin your life. You will not go down an unforgivable path if you hook up with someone that you like.
Hooking up with a cute boy that you've had the chance to talk with, laugh with, and get to know is just the icing on an already delicious and irresistible cake. Making choices wisely by only going home with someone your comfortable with and trusting your instincts will allow you to make the right choice.So Please Remember: If you liked a boy and talked to him for three months and find yourself making out with him, you're not a slut. If you met a guy at a party and he's the crème de la crème, you're not a slut. If you've had a good first, third, fourth or twentieth date with a guy that's smart, funny and you see him as the bee's knees, you're not a slut!
See the pattern here?
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- From: DigitalFever
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Comments (38)
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - I really hate how women are always being targeted as sluts/whores when men, I feel, are just as bad or worse. I call them manwhores or mansluts to try and even things out.
@loneshadow_wolf@xanga - Hahaha, I use "manwhores" too.
Mmm... no comment.
Needs and wants are 2 different things.
he/she can have all the sex they choose to but don't whine about why he isn't texting back, calling back, why this or why that or why he doesn't care about me or whatever whinyass thing after they told the people they know or blog about how it all went wrong or something after they had sex-_- they say it isn't anybodys' business until they regret it or it didn't go their way. be a "slut" if they want but don't be a remorseful whiny slut if they are supposedly proud of their actions.
In other words, stop justifying why it's okay to be a slut and you won't be a slut.
Don't worry, all of you men and women are sluts to me :)
Don't be offended if someone calls you a slut. Own it, thank them, give them a smile, and move on with your life.
The point of someone calling you a slut is to hurt you. But, smiling and not giving them that power will knock them down a few pegs. At least that's what I do when someone calls me a chink (since I'm Chinese). *shrugs*
Love this.
I really wish folks could manage to separate the two issues involved here.
The first issue is a view of sex as inherently dirty and shameful. It's an unhealthy view of sex and it is good to view sex as a good thing and not get caught up in the notion that every sexual act is terrible and nasty.
The second issue is promiscuity. Promiscuity is actually not a good idea for a variety of reasons, including STIs, AIDS, unplanned pregnancy, neglected children, etc. Even worse, much of the promiscuity in the world has to do with viewing human beings as disposable commodities to be enjoyed for a bit and then tossed aside, which is not a mentality I'd call healthy either.
So am I going to call anyone a slut? No. I can't remember calling anyone in my life a slut, actually.
I'm also not going to applaud anyone or excuse them for their promiscuity, regardless of what kind of genitalia they have.
I agree with this but where I start to find judgement justifiable is when people have sex without protection against stds and unwanted pregnancy. If you are spreading diseases and upping the need for abortion/adoption/welfare, it most certainly is not just your personal business. I think everyone should have an opinion on this.
http://www.slutsacrossamerica.org
When that word starts getting thrown at a well-educated woman (in a committed relationship, not that it matters) who is testifying before Congress to the MEDICAL necessity of contraception medication, it stops being an insult.
thank you. we really should mind our own business and stop judging people for enjoying themselves.but not going to lie, i will judge someone if they judge me.
If people stopped getting upset and stopped blogging about it every week, the word wouldn't have any affect and people would stop using it. Guys call girls sluts to get a reaction, and by blogging about it all the time, you're giving them the reaction they want. So shut up talking about it all the time and they'll stop saying it.
There is a fine line between what is sexually acceptable and needed from person to person and the act of being promiscuous. I very much agree with Nous_Apeiron. There is a few things going on here.
The first, as previously stated, is societal context. I don't think that sex is viewed as "bad" or "wrong", generally, so much as it is "special". The greater majority of the population, at least, here in the U.S. view sex and something beautiful, only to be shared with one partner at a time. I also believe this view to be highly influenced by religion. The definition of slut, in more recent days, has also been expanded to include ones morals and character outside of sex.
The second is the act of being sexually promiscuous. Having a new sexual partner every week is just unsafe, no matter how much preventative action you use. You could catch communicable diseases or you could end up with a child (or paying not to have one). But, aside from that, what i'd be more worried about is the emotional repercussions of said lifestyle. I can only imagine that one could be used for their body and thrown away so many times before it starts having long-reaching, negative emotional effects.
Long story short, I don't agree with the usage of the word "slut", and I am all for someone's empowerment and reproductive freedom. However, generally, the only people being called sluts, are those being sexually promiscuous, and I won't advocate that either.
there's a difference between enjoying something, and being irresponsible or careless. example: i enjoy food. that doesn't make me a fatty. but if i continuously overeat, eat when i'm not hungry, and allow myself to get to an unhealthy weight...... THEN i'm a fatty. the same goes for sex. just because you enjoy it, that doesn't give you license to be irresponsible without judgment.
my personal definition of a "slut" is a woman OR a man who has sex outside of a relationship. not just committed monogamy, but even a FWB relationship where you genuinely know your partner and are on the same page as to what you want out of the relationship.
Give me your poor, hungry, and slutty.
Okay..so I see a majority of comments are saying there's a difference between being promiscuous & having a healthy sex life. Agreed. However, 'slut shaming' someone who is promiscuous does NOT HELP THEM. A lot of young women/girls & hell, even some GUYS have been raped, sexually molested, abused, neglected etc. at some point during their young life which makes their promiscuous activity not only physically unhealthy but also mentally & emotionally devastating. Granted, there are people out there who enjoy a promiscuous life that have had a great childhood - but a majority haven't & use sex as a way of trying to fill a void. These people need support. Not shamed, not called sluts or whores.
Anyways, besides the point. The point it seemed here, is the author is trying to tell us, as women in general to stop putting each other down. That there is NOTHING wrong with safe, sexy fun. Just because you sleep with a guy who you're on a first name basis with..doesn't make you a slut. Slut is a terrible & degrading name & even if someone is acting the definition of such, they probably need help, not shaming. Call a girl a slut long enough, she may figure "Well, they already think so, so why not?" It doesn't help nor break a promiscuous cycle.
i just make it even and call guys sluts too
I don't care what people do with their personal lives. As long as they
are protective about it and don't lie about their numbers or how many
they've been with when asked by a potential spouse, they can do whatever
they please. IMO, I wouldn't want to be w/someone who's been used like
a tampon, but maybe someone else would gladly take him or her, perhaps a
girl version of him. As long as you're able to be honest about your
sexual history when it matters to someone do what you want.
Also, if I don't think I'm a slut, I couldn't care less what others think.
The blatant hypocrisy of the first point is pretty funny.
@Nous_Apeiron@xanga - All very well-said.
I'm going to be frank - women have gotten the idea that random sex is a sign of liberation, but in all honesty you've played right into the hands of the sleaziest men out there. Every woman I know who feels she has an "open, liberated" attitude toward sex also ends up agonizing over, "Why hasn't he called?" "Why didn't he ask for my number?" etc. etc. Do you think THEY'RE saying that a few days later? Of course not, they got laid.
Men got to keep our 1950s attitudes towards women and sex, except we get laid more now because you think you're the ones who were liberated. I'm not saying any of this happily - I respect women tremendously and that's why this bothers me. You didn't change the rules of the male-dominated game - you leaped right into it, and every time you have one of your angst-ridden conversations with a girlfriend, we've won again.
This is all aside from what Nous_Apeiron said regarding treating people as disposable things for our enjoyment. Once you've reduced sex to that then even with someone you love dearly you'll never be any more than the good fuck you are for the guy you met yesterday. Your life. Your choice.
Well, it just sucks the looks that people give you when you're out there doing what you want, when you want, and who you want. What do you expect? Don't get pissed off about it. There's really nothing that you can do in this life that won't get you "scrutinized" in one way or another. Absolutely nothing.
Feed a starving child in Africa and it's "why are you worrying about children there when children in our own country are starving?
Settle down, get married, and have some kids and it's "why are you letting them hold you back? Marriage is such a bummer, kids are such a hassle."
I understand when someone's feelings are hurt and they want to insult them. for example when you got cheated on. But people who are downright judgemental for NO reason and brag with their "holier than you" attitude annoy me so much.