Dear Men,
You know, it is always the same with you.
We go on a great first date and afterwards my phone is practically mocking me with its silence. As soon as I have written you off as a "man mirage" and have resorted to pretending that you don't exist, you text me something completely non-nonsensical like "What's up?" or "How are you?", like you could really give a shit five days later. Maybe you've been busy. I will pretend to sympathize because I understand how hard it is to take five seconds out of your day to send an SMS message from a device that has more contact with your hand in one day than your genitals have seen all year.
I used to think that once we finally had sex that would change. But you are dedicated to your silence except when you are moaning commands in my ear. I wait twenty-four hours after I walk out your door and then I bad mouth you to my friends. They tell me that I am better than you and that I can do way better. And the truth is that I can, but I don't want to.
Because you aren't a complete disappointment.
I have had men never call me back and more often than not I was secretly glad. But you are reliable only as bad luck. You ask me how my week is going four days later on a Thursday night, too late to set up a date for the weekend, but you let me know that you are free "later" Saturday night.
My personal favorite comes after we confess our feelings for each other. We have been having casual sex for months and you drunkenly tell me that you want a relationship. And this is the moment that I think that I can finally call you to tell you about something funny that happened during the day or text you about a dream that I had about you the night before. But we haven't changed at all. We will play the game to our graves.
In the event that I am in your bed, you whisper nice things to me, like you care about me and that you only want me.
But talking to you outside the bedroom is like pulling teeth. I text you about a guy my friend is trying to hook up with at a bar and there is an hour between each of your replies. I tell myself you are on the train, but I know better than that. The next night I end up making out with some bass player who doesn't know my name. And I don't feel bad, and neither do you.
Sincerely,
Me
PS:
Men, why does it take you so damn long to text back?
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Comments (51)
After a first guys usually text back soon and then we learn that that looks to be needy and clingy and girls shrug us off for it. So we learn to always wait. This is mot just a man thing, girls do the same exact thing for the same exact reason.
Dear DanaMarie,
I no longer chose to read once you grouped all men into one stereotype. Perhaps, you should first ask if you actually try calling or texting the guy back first. How this relationship thing works is a two-way street. If you do like him, maybe send him a text to see how he's doing? This whole waiting-for-the-guy thing is played out and will only frustrate you more. It's true the other way around too. You will meet guys who will text back the very next day, hell, maybe even an hour or so after you guys first met. Just remember, those guys you meet that do this aren't men; they're boys. But, it certainly doesn't mean that all males do this. I wish you further luck in your dating adventures and hope that you realize not to put all apples into the basket of just a few bad ones.
Sincerely,Duckie
Eh, I personally find it really off-putting when people text back within two minutes all the time, and I'm a girl! I've been known to go days without replying - it doesn't mean I'm ignoring you or hate you, it just means I'm not glued to my phone. If you want to talk to me, call me. Unless I'm at work or in bed, I'll answer calls, but I'll generally ignore texts unless they're important or just require a quick answer. I get bored with texting and I'd rather chat on the phone for twenty minutes in the evening.
I just hate how phones have made us so...desperate for a quick answer. Nobody is at your beck and call 24/7. Believe it or not, not everyone texts and not everyone is glued to their phones. If you want to talk to someone, call them. That is what phones are for, after all.
I suppose I'm the opposite, I have to stop myself from texting too much if I like the girl a lot.
Dunno what kind of guys you're dealing with. Unless they are super busy all the time, which is legitimately possible. But also, maybe texting isn't their thing. I know a lot of people who shun texting and say "just call me if you want to talk". So, I'd say it depends on the guy.
@laytexduckie@xanga - She HAS texted him. It's the guy who isn't responding and keeping her waiting.
I hear you. I know it sucks. Sounds like you think the two of you are in a relationship more than he does. That's when, as girls, we tend to develop "expectations" about how responsive guys should be. But if the guy isn't on the same page, it can be crushing. I don't think you should anticipate immediate responses EVEN IF you are in a relationship. People are bad with emails/texts in general. But I can see why you are upset. He just doesn't seem as serious about this as you are.
@laytexduckie@xanga - I think if she has evidence that men generally pull these sorts of pranks, it would be a legit generalization.
I'll probably never face the texting dilemma again because I got rid of my cell-phone more than two months ago and I don't really want to have to get another one ever again. It's quite a refreshing change to not be so tied to an electronic device.
Plus, things called land-line phones do exist. haha
because the point of having a bootycall is that you aren't tied down to someone and don't have to be obligated or even care to text back or whatever expectations that you'd expect from someone that you're seriously dating. why wonder why the player doesn't text back when you're also a player
The more I read your posts, the more I wonder how people don't see your contradictions, and why they take you seriously.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - Enlighten me. What contradictions do you see?
@sonicfries@xanga - Flip through her posts, they're there in plain sight.
If you depend on texting as a form of communication, expect shit like this to happen.. and ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
And it isn't always someone's fault.
I asked my boyfriend to hang out once, and when he didn't reply, I was hurt, stupidly hurt, because it turns out he just didn't get the text.
And sometimes there IS really long periods in between his replies, 10-60mins, but I've learned to just take it into stride, because it could be a delayed text, or he could be busy.. I'm not going to waste my time obsessing over what the possible reasons could be, because all that does is make me paranoid and miserable! And me being paranoid and miserable made HIM miserable. And him being miserable makes ME even more miserable and... well, you get the point.
So, lighten up.
And, to be honest, it doesn't sound like you are getting in relationships with decent men, anyway.. that is if you weren't being sarcastic about making out with someone who doesn't know your name-- so why expect anything out of them in the first place? It doesn't sound like you are giving men the impression that you are worth much effort. =/
Texting is not a reliable form of communication. It's meant for short and simple messages and not conversations. It's not a guy thing either because I've known plenty of women that do the same thing.
Also, if all you are doing is having casual sex that's prob all you will end up with and you can't expect him to care about "a guy my friend is trying to hook up with at a bar." Best bet would be to call him. As others have said I think too many people use texts to try and converse and I personally can't stand it. A message or two ok but beyond that just call. A lot less effort involved and no constrictions or misunderstandings.
Maybe these guys have a life?
If said guys were texting you more frequently, you'd complain about how guys act too clingy.
I do it because I hate texting. It's like pulling teeth with me and I have no respect for it; my opinion is that if it's important enough to warrant my attention, it's important enough to call me over.
I very reluctantly got unlimited texting added to my plan back in the day because motherfuckers would not stop texting me all the time and it kept eating up my limited amount of texts which meant I had to pay a bunch of extra charges every month and finally I just threw up my hands and joined the crowd.
Even when I was dating, I vastly preferred phone calls and if I was interested in you, I called you back because it was more personal to me and I could actually hear your voice. Texting is bullshit.
This sounds like a bootycall where the guy picks up on the fact that the girl is having feelings so he starts having "feelings" too because he rather enjoys the on-call booty he gets.
This is just stupid...why continue sleeping with a guy for months when he won't even communicate with you? Why keep playing games? It's pathetic.
I don't text. Because I suck at it. I either use e-mail or I call the person. Both of my hands can't fit on my phone so the process is too slow. If i stop communicating with someone, it's because I tried previously and didn't get much of a response out of them or any response.
I like to tell people that text messages aren't like instant messages. I don't except to get a reply back right away, and I don't necessarily respond back right away. With the kind of relationship that you're undergoing though, you really should expect that this since in your case, the guy isn't ready/willing to make some further commitment with you. He can be "busy" with things in his life but he seems to like to be "busy" with you when it comes time, unless there's other things you're not mentioning that can make this guy sound a bit more decent. Overall, this seems to be a destructive relationship, so if you're willing to go through with it, it's because it's for fun.
You mention other guys not calling you and hmmm... seems like overall, you make need to take a look at yourself more than these guys. You can not change people, just yourself, so if you find these guys doing this to you, it's cause you were attracted to them in the first place. So if you made yourself not attracted to these guys, and probably some actual decent guy, and actually seek for constructive behavior/habit in guys, you probably have a more healthier result. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it's your life, so own up to it and do something about it, you're the one in control of it.
i never really had a huge problem w guys texting ... idunno. only one guy rarely texted me back, and he wasn't very into me, nor i into him. lol
these gender generalizations are killing me.
Generally and stereotypically speaking, most men will take commitment-free relationship-free sex whenever they can get it.
It sounds as though you want more than just casual sex, but that the men you're having casual sex with don't. They don't sound as though they're interested in your hopes and dreams, your fears and insights--or have any desire to get to know you better. If you're satisfied with that, then fine, but clearly you're not. So, at the risk of sounding like a prude, a puritan, or the religious nut that I am... don't put out unless you're getting what you want. If the guy won't talk to you outside the bedroom, don't let him in your bedroom. If you want a relationship, go for it like this: relationship first, sex second.
Texts are for non-urgent communication.
If it's important you should call. How can someone be productive through-out a day if they are expected to keep responding to texts all the time?
Texting frequently and expecting an immediate response is a violation of personal space.
umm you have some issues girl, maybe that's why they're not calling you back. you sound clingy and you sound bitter about every little move and you sound a bit psycho to be honest. you need to work on yourself before any man wants to be with you just saying.