I met this guy at work; he is really cute and sweet. We had exchanged numbers and he had told me he was going to take me on a picnic for lunch one day.
I was really excited at first until after a bit of texting with him I found out that not only is he (at 25 years old) a virgin, he is looking for someone who has the same experience level that he does. I, on the other hand, have only been with 2 guys, (I am 24 now) I told him that I have "some experience" but did not go into detail because this was all over text messages.
Honestly, I don't think that he has ever actually had a girlfriend. He had told me that he told his mother about me and he said she was like, "Well at least you aren't gay." Is it weird for a guy at 25 to have never have dated anyone before?
I have no problem with it really, I am just a little confused if that was just a joke or if she really said that. I am only assuming from that comment that he has never had a girlfriend before.
So basically my two questions are: Is it weird for a 25 year old to never of had a girlfriend before? And how do you think I should handle telling him about my "experience" without him totally giving up on me?
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Comments (17)
If he really does like you, it won't matter. Its not like you've slept with tons of men, 2 is a good number for somebody your age. As for never having a girlfriend, don't judge him on that. Some people just have really bad luck in the dating world.
Like @UnconventionalButterfly@xanga mentioned, it's not weird at all. Some people choose different paths in their lives and perhaps he was just occupied with school, work, and other things besides dating. But, now that he has gotten into dating, you can use your experience to help him gain some experience of his own. Take it slow with him and show him the ropes of how a relationship works.
I can empathize with this guy- I've never had a boyfriend and I'm his age- I have bad luck with men :3 But I agree with UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - if he treats you well and you feel comfortable being around him, his experience shouldn't matter.
If you feel he likes you "only" because you're at the same "experience" level he is, you should let him know how you feel about it (is he just using you to "gain" experience? Life's not a video game; although it would be cool) I guess it all comes down to what you're both looking for and you just need to communicate with each other on that.
It depends on how much you like the guy. If you really like him, then this difference in "experience" won't matter at all. If you don't really like him that much, I suppose you could always use this as an excuse to not date him.
IMO, it doesn't matter how many girls a guy has been with previously before me, whether it's like a million girls or none at all. What's important is that he is choosing to be with me now, in the present, and what matters is who he ends up with eventually, which would hopefully be me, haha. :)
He is normal in all other aspects correct? If so, who cares!!! Date him if you like him. Be his first if you want. Show him the right ways in sex! Take advantage of this opportunity to make him a sex god who hasn't been tainted by previous sex experiences. That's how I'd see it at least. lol.
I wasn't int a relationship til 27. Holla!
Sometimes people just don't find someone they want a relationship with until later on in their lives and sometimes things just never happen with people they wanted a relationship in the past. Not having dated is perfectly normal; he's in his prime so it's not like he's the 40 year old virgin or anything. And I feel it is always better to be direct. I'm sure he expects you to have dated and have had experience with other guys already so if he can't handle it, then move on.
If anything, I'd be more worried about the mother part. Is he still living with her or something? I mean there's nothing huge wrong with that, but for a lot of people, it does raise some questions.
There's nothing wrong with not having any experience, but I understand the surprise and eyebrow-raising because I get it too, as a 23-year old female who has never dated anyone for longer than two months, and whose last "boyfriend" was back in high school.
There's no reason to make it a big deal. I would say not to go into detail and not to bring up your "experience" again unless he asks. And if he does ask, don't rub it in his face or give him explicit detail...it's not really necessary. My mom used to tell me that you shouldn't talk about past partners, because your relationship is about the one in front of you, not those from your past.
Why does it matter whether he has been in a relationship before or not? Maybe he spent most of his life working his butt off and didn't have time for a relationship, or he just prefers to be an introvert. He certainly had the nerve to ask you out, let alone on a picnic lunch when most other guys would just ask you out to meet at Starbucks or Panera Bread.
I didn't get a girlfriend, or have sex, or even kiss by the time I was 23. Luckily my girlfriend wasn't skeptical of me because of this. Maybe because there are better characteristics to judge someone on and she knew that.
I don't think it's weird at all because maybe he just wanted to wait for the right moment to find someone and make sure he has time for her.
It's important for you to be honest with your partner about your experience. If he doesn't understand that then I think you should consider some things like whether to move on. Most of the time, you don't need to be on the same experience with a guy. As long as you can work things out then things should fall into places.
I think that if someone gives up on you after two boyfriends, they are fucked up and antiChrist. However, if you have to ASK how he would react, you don't know him well enough to have sex with him. And its unfair of you to ask a man you don't know to give you his most precious SELFHOOD. Just like it would be UNFAIR the other way around. If you are interested in more than being the one he remembers, than you have the right to invest some time in. But if you are only investing enough time in to get his V CARD then you want to ditch, you need to gain control over yourself and grow the fuck up. Be Good to men. Just like you want them to be Good to you.
I think if you like him, then don't worry. The fact that he hasn't had a girlfriend before really doesn't mean anything for you're relationship. If anything it just means he has less baggage than a normal guy his age so it's really a good thing (:
And the fact that he'a virgin and you've only been with 2 guys, things are pretty much evened up. The reason I say this is because all that emotional stuff girls go through their first time doesn't really apply to him so he can definitely catch up to your level of experience quite easily and not be hindered by pain, or emotional conflict, etc.The only thing he needs to learn is technique, and you don't really have too much of a head start there. The two of you can discover things together and it'll be more special.And I wouldn't worry too much about him being upset, he probably will be a little uncomfortable that he's not your first but it's to be expected and he'll get over it eventually. Until then just be delicate, honest, and patient with him and there's no reason this should be a problem.
i'm 22 and have never been in a relationship. i'm really frustrated with the idea that we should have done certain things by certain ages. everyone's different.
It is weird. In my life, I can only hope to connect to the guys who have been with 5 or more girls. Most of them have been with 20 something, which is great by me. It means they've been through the rounds before, and won't frustrate me too much. The two guys recently who I have dated, one was 24 and had only had one girlfriend before (and randomly left her like the d bag he eventually showed his true colors to be) and the other was 25 and seemed okay, but then he told me he was a virgin and I freaked. I do NOT want an inexperienced guy. It's frustrating from the female end. Then you have to teach them everything, about dating, about relationships, about just being with another person. It burned me out too quickly. I'm no pure rose for sure, but no matter what my experience tells me, it doesn't change the situation. Even with what I did have at the time, I don't want to be both people in the relationship. I don't want to tell the other person what they should do now, or what they should say. It's too tiring. I hope you have better luck-if you choose to pursue this guy into an actual term of "dating"/"boyfriend" territory.
I don't think its really that weird for him to not have been in a relationship until 25 - but this comes from a Zoology major, who is only friends with other zoology majors...all of whom have a tendency to be somewhat socially awkward, slightly shy, and lacking in the love department. I have only had one boyfriend and I'm 22. Oh yeah...I've also been single for 3 years.
I doubt the experience thing will be a big deal. Ideally, I would also like someone with experience similar to his, because its similar to mine, but I wouldn't rule out a guy just because he had more.
It's cometely normal for a guy to be inexerienced in his mid 20's, especially if he's an introvert or commited to his job/school. Try asking about what his lifestyle's been like so that you could at least understand why he's not had a girlfriend. I'm 24 and haven't been in a relationship for 6 years. That's what happens when you decide to go to the Air Force Academy and emmerse yourself in an enviroment that's overwhelmingly male. Since most my friends are also military a rather large portion of them are either virgins or very inexperienced in relationships. Anyway, the point is that having a demanding career or school workload can be a huge hinderance on relationship building, so don't judge a guy based solely on how many girlfriends he's had before.