Tuesday, 24 April 2012
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Is He Just a Nice Guy Or Is He Into Me?
This post has been submitted anonymously by a Datingish reader.So, I have been hanging out with this guy. He's awesome, funny, great--you know the usual stuff. Now, I know for a fact that he was interested in me before. He used to say things that makes it seem he was into me.
For example, a month ago I was talking about how I wanted a temporary boyfriend (I'm overseas and only in this place for a few months) and he remarked three times that he was a guy and that I could go for him.
When my friend suggested online dating, I said I might do that and he said how he would set up an account so I could look him up. Since it was in public, I was so embarrassed to ask him if he was joking or for real. Last week he even randomly texted me, "I miss you."But now, I feel like I missed my chance. He's dating currently and keeps asking me about advice about these girls he's been seeing. I heard from multiple sites that the NUMBER ONE way to know if you have been friendzoned is if a guy asks you for girl advice. He also tells me to go for other guys.
We also talk about everything. Family. Sex. (Past) Relationships. Future. Another indicator I heard that if a guy feels free to tell you everything, he sees you as a dude. But then, he calls me "babe" and "cutie," which is an indicator that I haven't been friend-zoned.
When we were drunk three nights ago, we were holding hands and he was putting my hair back against my ear. There was also this guy that was going for me. Even though he did those things, he told me if I wanted to sleep with him, he would go to the other room (because he was bunking with him and I was with the girls).
I told him I was uncomfortable doing that but I wanted to cuddle and suggested cuddling with him. He was up for it but I passed out before I could even get to his bed and my friend put me in her bed.Pretty much, I'm confused. He's super nice (and I tend to fall for nice guys) plus he's my advisor-ish (only two years older than me though). I feel like he has to care for me and I am mis-reading his signals.
He says things like "you're the coolest person I've ever had to take care of" and randomly when we were hanging out he said "I'm going to miss you when you leave" (but these things were a month ago). I love that he plays with kids/dogs and helps me out with whatever I need help with and that I can tell him anything.Anyway, I don't have long to be in this foreign country and I feel like I should make my move fast. But if I have been friend-zoned... will it make things awkward? Guys know when they have been friend-zoned...but how does a girl know she has been? Words of advice??
Just an FYI, but for sure I will admit that I like him... I just don't know whether to do it now or right before I leave.
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Comments (15)
You probably won't know if he's into you until he's in you.
Meh, let it go. If you didn't get with him when you had the chance to make something of it a month ago, why bother to do it now right before you leave?
You should probably move on. You had a chance and you didn't take it. I don't get why he didn't just ask you out in a way that was obvious. He probably friend zoned you because you didn't take the bait. I agree with the person that said why make a move on him now unless you are only looking for a hook-up?
i am super flirty with my girl friends, especially when i'm drunk. i wouldn't read too much into it.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - she said she's looking for a hook-up, right? isn't that what a "temporary boyfriend" is? in any case--i have three theories why the dude never made a move...a) he wasn't getting enough buying signals (the op isn't clear what signals she may have given, if any), b) he was too shy, c) most likely, because he was in a position of "authority" over her, as her advisor. for example, i'd feel a lot more comfortable banging one of my students (which i almost did this semester...whoops) if she made a move on me first.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I didn't read the article that closely and didn't see the temporary boyfriend bit or else I would have said something else.
Move on. He sounds nice but it sounds like you've had several chances with him and you've blown them all.
He was liking you before and probably still likes you but probably may not want to take the chance unless some lucky accident happens by the looks of things. Reason is when he indirectly/passively made a pass at you, it seemed like you didn't respond to show him that you're interested or probably even rejected him.
By the time it got to him dating around, that's probably him seeing if he could move on, but at the same time, since he's asking you for advice, he's getting you're opinion about dating advice, once in which he could in turn use on you as those would be things that would work on you. (This could be a clever move on his part or shady, depending on how you want to take it).
If anything is to happen, you just either need to risk it, hope for a lucky accident, or just somehow create a possible lucky accident to happen. Since he probably isn't forward enough to come up to you directly, to risk it and going directly to him could catch him off-guard so if you were to risk it, you'd have to build up to it before openly asking him of his interests in you. To wait for a lucky accident means having faith that something will happen, so if you're willing to wait, power to you. To create a possible lucky accident somehow could lead to something going wrong, but none-the-less it's a possible option to take if you're willing.
Wish you luck with this. And hope that if he does like you, that he man up and be more direct about it.
tell him now.
temporary bf translates into: use him and lose him fast. he probably liked you but since you're only here for a few months, then why bother getting attached only to let you go. he has better chances with local girls. long distant relationships can work out but it isn't for everyone. he chose to date other people instead. after you mentioned the temporary bf thing, he probably feels like you're only using him as a cuddle toy to keep you company while you're here and not because you're actually interested in him seriously. it was over when you told you to go for other guys.
Ask him? I mean, if worse comes to worse, he says no and it's out there. If you want a straight answer instead of taking shots in the dark, you might as well bring it up. Doesn't hurt to try, ya know?
@laytexduckie@xanga - YES! Communication is the best part of any relationship.. friendship or more. If there's something you want to know, ask! It beats playing the guessing game.
I don't know why everyone isn't saying go for it because I say GO FOR IT!! You'll forever be asking yourself what could have happened?? And you will have these unanswered questions and "what if" scenarios. You live in The Now and you'll have the rest of your life to live. Go for it, girl! He's sending you mixed signals, but in all honesty, guys are so simple and easy. They will never turn down a girl to touch and hold, etc. and beyond.
He seems like he likes you but isn't sure how to go about getting with you? Ask him out?
You're leaving anyway may as well give it a go, if you get friendzoned it's not gonna matter when you're thousands of km away
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