Saturday, 21 April 2012
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Why Mr. Nice Guy Doesn't Get The Girl
I hate it when guys whine about how girls don't notice the nice guy. I hear it all the time. "Women love assholes!" "Oh, I'm such a nice guy but the girl always chases after the douchebag!"
I'm here to tell you that it's not true. I recognize nice guys. I like nice guys, not douchebags. But there are several things I'd like to say.- Douchebags have a habit of pretending to be a nice guy in order to get what they want. Unfortunately, they can be really great actors. So don't call us stupid for being fooled because it happens to the best of us.
- So, you may be a "nice guy" but that doesn't mean you're automatically a person worth dating. As a woman, I look for a lot more qualities than simply being nice. I look for maturity, responsibility, confidence, ambition, strength, sensitivity, a strong sense of morals, similar beliefs, willingness to listen, someone who is a family man, who is not cheap, who loves kids, is capable of taking care of me, and who is willing to take initiative. If I was just looking for a "nice guy" I would have found someone awhile ago. Being nice is not the be all end all.
- If a guy spends his time trying to make girls feel guilty for not dating him, then he is automatically NOT a nice guy.
- A guy who is whining about how women don't see what a great guy he is says a lot about himself. First of all, it says that he is immature and instead of looking at his flaws and trying to improve himself, he instead projects the flaw on whatever women don't want to date him. Secondly, it says that he's not taking initiative. It may be an excuse for past and future failures. Either way it's not attractive.
- If this is catered to a specific situation, it shows that this "nice" guy can't really recognize nice girls anyway. If you are such a great guy, then why get upset when some woman you liked runs off with the next douchebag? That would be HER loss, not yours, so why are you complaining about it?
In conclusion, there are stupid women who run off with douchebags... but we're not all stupid. I'm sure there are great guys out there, and being nice is a great quality. But if you think being nice entitles you to a date, think again.
If you really were such a nice guy, you wouldn't be whining about it. You'd be working on becoming a better person and rest content in the fact that some day, a nice woman will recognize all those good qualities in you.I promise.
- Douchebags have a habit of pretending to be a nice guy in order to get what they want. Unfortunately, they can be really great actors. So don't call us stupid for being fooled because it happens to the best of us.
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About the Author
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- From: Forgotten_Railroad@xanga
- Name: Peppermint
- About Me: there's a place i like to go, near the singing, raging sea...there's a sailor boy, a sailor boy, who took a piece of me, there's a cold chill in the wild winter air..a sense of breathlessness, and a song that sang inside me that i once called happiness
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Comments (77)
AMEN. Especially #1 & #2! Not all "nice guys" ARE worth dating & the ones that seem like they are turn out to be assholes in disguise. However, there are nice guys that do deserve a chance & they may not always get it. But like you said, one day they will :)
Rec'ing through comment. Great post!
someone just wrote a great comment, then deleted it. Wtf!!
A lot of times "nice guys" get upset not because women have the right to choose other good qualities, but because there is often a double standard in how the personalities of men are judged. For example in the areas of confidence(it's often like women are the only ones allowed to be insecure) and "taking care" of a woman. This is what creates assholes in disguise, contributing to a trend that discourages men to express honest vulnerability. Not saying a lot of stuff you say isn't true. Just giving a male point of view.
Couldn't agree more with guys who pretend to be "nice" to get what they want for the night.
I agree especially with number 1.
Give Mr. Nice Guy a chance!
if a "nice guy" always complains that women don't notice him, then maybe there isn't any niceness to be noticed in him after all ..
Not to mention that the "douchebags" usually make a move. Nice guys, make a move and you will probably have better luck.
My friend was abused a lot by her father and tends to fall for mean guys who won't get really close to her. She says that she likes the space and freedom to see other guys, and not have unreasonable commitments burdened on her.
I guess everyone wants different things. I like nice guys, but there needs to be more than that. It's just one little personality trait. Just nice makes me sleepy and start to wander for some reason.
Nice guys try to respect a girl's body TOOO much. That's probably the reason why girls don't choose nice guys. Nice guys don't show enough sexual tension.
completely agree with "just because you're nice doesn't mean you're worthy of dating." a lot of so-called "nice guys" that i know are actually pretty whiny. sure, they might not be an asshole, but they might complain all the time about their lives. or they might be super immature and self-absorbed, then wonder why nobody likes them and claim it's because they're a nice guy.
Im glad that you are approaching it from a more holistic viewpoint. You are right if you are just a nice guy that isn't really enough plenty of people are totally nice and completely forgettable at the same time by virtue of their singular focus on being nice to the exclusion of other attributes which may draw a prospective mates attention. I believe that these "Nice Guys" may complain about being hurt more often however for legitimate reason. If in fact they are truly nice guys and not just assholes as many assholes pretend to be, then there are by there very nature more open and honest about most everything than a vast majority of men and therefore more vulnerable leading to the ability to be more damaged by women who accept them long enough to take them in only to leave them for the next asshole masquerading as a nice guy for the sole purpose of getting laid.
All the "nice guys" I have known are extremely boring, placid, and tend to be mommas boy type guys. Tried dating a couple, except they gave me too much control and I found myself bored and wanting adventure... I wanted them to take the lead.
But that's an extreme sterotype.
I wouldn't qualify my boyfriend as "Mr. Nice Guy".... however he is still nice, kind compassionate, yadda yadda... he's just not boring and he gives me all the adventure I need.
and some of them after going out for a long time and practically getting along pretty good and stuff, in the end they decide just to remain "friends" ...
Nice guys are too clingy and needy. There is a line where nice is TOO nice.
@bentbrokenpoetry@xanga - yes. This. And also unfortunately the damage can create some bitterness which can generate asshole behavior. Sometimes assholish behavior has a source that one can empathize with to an extant. This is not to say that such behavior is therefore justified. But if a bitter woman who has been used wishes to have empathy extended to her because of her resentments, there needs to be a two way street.
I've encountered a guy like this in high school, now he's a complete ass who pushed away all the good people in his life. Congrats to him, he got what he wanted and he still doesn't have a girlfriend. Nice guys all the way.
Number one is so true. Guys like that seem to make a lot of bad or self-destructive decisions, as well, and I don't want to be around people like that.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Women, especially those in their 20s, enjoy treating guys like shit, and nice guys are seen as easy targets.
Yeah, I hear this all the time from guys. Even my boyfriend told me he was that guy. But hell, the girl was just not into you!!! Had nothing to do with your kindness. @_@ My boyfriend has the girl now and it's because I love and adore him for HIM. It just takes finding the right person who appreciates you. Gosh!!
as i said in a recent post--i have never met the purported "nice guy", nor have i met the "jerk" who gets bitches on the reg.
by the way, you talk a lot about all these qualities you like in a guy. what makes you think you deserve all those things? girls want to act like they can demand all sorts of things while they sit back and relax without having any positive qualities to themselves. the guys with the qualities mentioned in posts like this are in high demand. you better step your game up if you want to beat out the desirable girls.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "i have never met the purported "nice guy", nor have i met the "jerk" who gets bitches on the reg."
Comin' right up.