Thursday, 19 April 2012
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Just a Quickie: Dating a Friend's Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend
I had a friend's ex approach me on my last visit to NYC in hopes that he may steal me away from my group of girlfriends for a casual date. As sweet as he is and despite approval from my friend, I politely declined. He was my friend's first and I knew her feelings for him had not completely subsided.
What do you think about dating a friend's ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?
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- From: brittmichele
- About Me: Just another 20 something year old English major living in California with an affinity for British television and dressing like it's 1964.
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Comments (42)
If all parties of the situation are okay with it, then it would be fine.
I've done it, and multiple times. Funnily enough, I always end up having more successful relationships with them than my friend has...
I don't see what the big deal is. If the relationship is over, it's over. Move on, and let your ex date whomever they want. They're a big boy/girl. :/
Isn't that like, the #1 girl code? Not to date your friends ex boyfriends. I won't do it just because its creepy to me.
No, there was a post like this earlier and I tried submit something like this, too. I know it's kind of hypocritical that depending on the person, we'll share drinks and whatnot, but I think it's gross to double dip boyfriends/hook-ups. I mean I've got with two guys who were friends with each other before but they couldn't care less about that. I think girls care more than guys because it seems that when a girl comes between two guys the guys can still stay friends most times, but if happens with two girls and a guy all hell breaks loose.
If a female friend of mine wanted to date one of my exes I wouldn't care...at least, not in the sense of being jealous or possessive. However, since one of them is gay and the other is an emotionally abusive jerk, I would have to question their sanity and advise them against it, for their own good. If a guy friend of mine was interested in the ex who is gay, I would be totally fine with it.
I don't know if I would date a friend's ex - taking into consideration my current girlfriends and their exes, I probably wouldn't be interested in any of them.
@EJC102486@xanga - What if your ex wasn't emotionally abusive to your friend, would you get mad that he treats your friend better than with you when you two were in a relationship? I couldn't stand being around a friend and an ex if that happened to me.
Have not and will never date a friend's ex. It's just weird when you know your girlfriend has been all over him at one point.
No.
Didn't we just have a post on this not too long ago?
And no way.
Don't date your exes' friends and don't date your friends' exes. It really is THAT simple.
I don't do it.
My friend would be more important, I wouldn't risk hurting her by somthing like this
I think it speaks highly of you that you considered your friend's feelings - you truly value the frienship and care about her. If her feelings for him weren't completely gone, you definitely made the right call. If her feelings ever subside to the point where she wouldn't care (and you know she wouldn't care), then go for him. "chicks before dicks" right!
Try having one of you and your wife's friends start dating your wife's ex-husband. The friend didn't even know 'till she'd been seeing him for a while - awkward! It was short-lived, so all's well that ends well!
Nope. Just don't do it to avoid ugly consequences. Some people are going to do it anyway so hopefully the results aren't too ugly. @_@ I just know I wouldn't want my friends dating my exes. Not because I am jealous but because those turds are outta my life for a reason.
I think it depends on the situation. I would only be mad at my friends because I've had some abusive/manipulative exes. My one nice ex I actually have tried to set up with girls, so as weird as it would be if he dated one of my girlfriends, I would approve. I also think one should be very upfront about everything, and that there should be no obvious leftover feelings. I've seen people successfully date a friend's ex and all was well. I've also seen someone go behind a friend's back and date her very recent ex. This was very not okay.
You definitely did the right thing. My best friend started dated my ex, literally a week after a horrible break up. That shit should never happen until it's at least a year's difference or more.
I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable being with someone I know someone close to me has been with. If an appropriate amount of time has passed, if much has changed, and if all parties are cool, then I don't necessarily see why not.
I really think people need to stop trying to control who their friends and ex's date. Look, once they're not with you anymore, they're free to date whoever they want, and as long as your friend is single, they're free to date whoever they want too. You might not like it, but I'm also pretty sure it's not your business unless said ex was violent or abusive in any way.
Hypothetically, it's okay to date an ex even if your friend isn't okay with it. After all she/he doesn't own the other person. It just depends on how sympathetic you are with your friend's feelings.
I question rather the intentions behind those people who do it. Why do those people feel it necessary to date an ex of his/her friend when there are so many other people around to date?
that is hard. i can't see myself doing that to my close friend. but once again it is all depending on the person. some can and others can't.
While it may be that relationships end and people can do whatever they want after...if they were their true friends, they would consider their friends' feelings. People are trying to get over an ex and constantly having a reminder of him around, especially with a "friend" you're BFFs with or good friends with, isn't helping the situation get better.
I actually have respect for my friends so no, I would never date their exes, especially if feelings are still there. There's a couple of guys I've just fooled around with and had no feelings for, so I wouldn't mind my friend dating them, but if they go out and date any guys that I've had strong feelings for or were in love with, they can go out a find a new friend to replace me because I would be out of their life asap.
I married a friend's ex.
Smart move I'd say. A lot of times friends might say it's ok but they actually are not ok with it later. Steer clear as best you can and consider your friend's feelings if you are really their friend. But it is true that sometimes you can't help who you fall for. But until then, it's smart to avoid drama.
I think you did the right. :] If you are aware or know despite your friend okaying it or acting like they're cool with it that your friend/best friend dated the person who approaches you for some causal 'fun' you made the right call in declining. It's sort of an unspoken rule that you don't date your friends ex's. It's awkward & it cause a lot of drama. I would never date the ex of any friend of mine for those reasons & simply because I know if my friend & they didn't work out..there's probably a very good reason & I would like to not find out first hand what that reason was. .
I think what you did was right, its sortof like this girl code never to date the exes its awkward no matter how you look at it and can cause tension in your friendship. It may work for some, but its better to be safe than sorry.