I'm 20 years old and I've been together with my boyfriend for over two years now. A lot has changed since then, 5 days a week he's gone to study and I only see him for 8 hours in the weekend. At first I was always very sad when he left, but now I don't even care anymore. I have stopped missing him and I'm not that excited if I know that I'll see him.
I do still love him but I find it very hard to be practically single all week and than I have to flip a switch in the weekend to be intimate again.
It's hard for me to get used to someone touching me again. That's the first half of the problem. The second part is about the dreams I have. They're always about other men. Sometimes it's about unknown men but the last few times it's been about a really good friend of mine. I see him every day at school and he always makes me smile. I know that I like him, but I'm not sure if he likes me in that way.
I don't know what all these feelings mean. I love my boyfriend but I don't know if I want to be with him forever. But on the other hand, I know that he adores me and I can picture us getting married someday, but I feel like I still have to experience so many things. My heart would break if we'd ever split up, but I wouldn't know if I missed him or if I missed being in a relationship. I really don't want to hurt him because I know he loves me so much.
Am I emotionally cheating?Image Source
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Comments (23)
I don't know what you mean by being "single" during the week and having to switch when you see him. It think you just need more attention then he can give you right now.
I think you just need more attention then he is giving you as well.
You're young so there's time to put yourself out there. At the same time, how do both you and your bf really feel. You say you love him and he adores you but love entails many levels, not just how you feel about one another but how you both are physically, spiritually, sexually, intellectually, socially, and whatever "ly" words you can incorporate here.
So my question to you would be is this really "love" that you both feel for each other, or rather is this an "attachment" fearing to be alone or without someone, fearing to hurt your SO or yourself. There's at least was some sort of attraction which led you and your bf to be together but how far has that attraction led you two?
So before actually doing something, have some relationship-related conversations with your bf and in a sense, datamine info about what he thinks about relationships and love and a direction a relationship should take, etc, doesn't necessary have to be about your relationship with him but at least a general take on it. With up-to-date info on each other's views, the better you both and decide what to do. Do note that a person's perspective can change with time as a person undergoes more experiences and takes in more knowledge to better analyze situations and see things in the world so don't take each literal word as if they are set in stone. To best understand something would be reading a person's intentions (reading one's intention entails knowing that person). So good luck to you!
You think you still have a lot of things to experience? Well it's not a mandate you know to sleep with lots of people, you can be lucky and find love at a young age, marry and be happy without having to go trough the whole heartache thing... A relationship is not something that happen, is something you build and work together taking care of it and making efforts to love and care for each other.
These are normal thoughts people have when they are unable to spend more time with the one they are in a relationship with. I consider a person in a relationship that likes someone else emotionally cheating.
why does this sound so... juvenile?
You only see your college-aged boyfriend on the weekends? Oh, go bang your best friend already. Hate to break it to you, but there's a 99.9% chance that your bf is already cheating on you.
Long distance relationship in college is a bad idea the vast majority of the time. College is the time to grow and discover who you are by experiencing different things, it's common to be curious about what else is out there romance wise. Not saying LDR in college can't work but it is a huge amount of work and you both have to want the same thing.
Yes. Good luck!
"At first I was always very sad when he left, but now I don't even care anymore. I have stopped missing him and I'm not that excited if I know that I'll see him." Unfortunately, I don't think you want to be with him anymore.
Relationships can become habits, to the point where it's difficult to imagine your life without that relationship, but I think if you really, really care for someone (as a close friend or boyfriend), it always hurts at least a little to leave them. You can get used to the hurt, but it doesn't go away. Granted, for me the first sign that I want to be with someone romantically is always, always, always wanting to spend time with them, so it stands to reason that my first sign to the contrary would be not caring whether they were around or not. No one can decide for you, but think about ending this relationship before it sours. You both deserve someone who can be there, and if you end it before anger, resentment, cheating (?) or drama happens, perhaps you can salvage a friendship and still have each other in your life.
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me. I say move on. Seems like you're staying together simply because you don't want to be without him. @_@ When there's nothing there anymore...
OMG. Yet another post wondering if you're cheating or not. /facepalm.
Look, obviously your boyfriend can't devout enough time to you right now; which is a killer for any relationship. You need attention & love & even if he truly loves you - right now he can't give you enough. Which is probably why you're dreaming about other dudes, you're craving the attention & love.
Call it quits with your dude..at least until he can manage his time better. You seem to be becoming more attached if you will, to other guys. Fantasy or real. To me, that's emotional cheating & if its stemming from your man not being able to give you the time & attention..you should break it off.
If you don't "want to be with him forever" then end things. Please. I know it's wonderful to stay together, blissfully unaware that at some point you'll have to decide where this relationship is headed, but you really need to decide now. It's been two years, and if you wouldn't say "I do" to him tomorrow with absolutely no regrets, then please end things now. I went through this and I know it's difficult. Try one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but please do it if you're having these doubts and feelings. Take a long hard look about where you want to be in the future and if you would be 100% content and fulfilled in a marriage relationship with him. This seems too eerily familiar of my past relationship so I am just trying to spare you the pain now. You don't want to wake up engaged and having to call off a wedding because you realize you're making a mistake. Stop it now if you feel this way. You will probably always love this person, because I still love my ex. But somehow, life goes on after a break-up. Eventually one of you will move on (mine has, but I haven't). I'm nowhere near over mine, but that day will come. Best of luck.
I haven't dreamed about a bf. I go to work and come home tired and when I sleep, I dream about going to work again
then I wake up and have to go to work yet again
so work consumes my thoughts more than I want it to
even though I think about my crushes and see them at work, they don't appear in my dreams. my dreams are telling me that I no longer revolve my life around a relationship with a guy but work is more of a priority
I have to get to bed for work tomorrow
:D
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LOL at least you have weekends with him. tip: never get into a long distance relationship, you won't be able to handle it. you don't want to be with him, and you know it. you don't need validation from us.
1. He's not there for you.
2. You like someone else.
3. Move on.
And yes, I consider it emotionally cheating.
I'm in a similar situation to what you're in. If you truly love each other then you wouldn't consider yourself as being "single" 5 days a week. In my opinion, a real relationship has gotta mean more than just spending time together. You should let him know how you feel about this so you two can consider how you're going to work out this phase of your lives.
I think the more important question is "do you really love him?" I understand where you're coming from... But let me tell you this... If you love someone, you will miss them when they're gone if you guys break up for whatever reason. It's normal to not miss someone as much. It sounds to me like your heart has gotten tired of not being able to see him all the time. If you'd be happy without him, and not miss him at all, then think about that. Why are you with him? Why are you being unfair to him?
I'd suggest talking to your BF. Let him know that you are feeling like you just don't get to see him enough to have a successful relationship. That it's hard for you to switch between the two worlds you yourself have created. Get his thoughts. See if he's willing to try and help you out. If you're willing.
Be careful and considerate, but don't be unfair to him,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
I don't think you're emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. Just don't get tangled up with that guy friend. Then it would be emotionally cheating.
Hi,
Firstly no. You're NOT emotionally cheating by having these dreams - your body/mind is trying to highlight the fact that you are missing that sort of daily face-to-face intimacy that you are missing from your boyfriend but are receiving from your best friend. It's trying to fill in the gap that has been created with the one face that it associates with vaguely romantic feelings that DOES provide that contact. I would try to avoid making a move on your best friend because right now you are emotionally vulnerable and if it goes sour you will have not only created a whole mix of negative motions but you will have also lost your best friend who is a rock that you need right now.
The reason why you are so confused about your emotions right now is because your body is experiencing a void and it is trying to fill it, unfortunately this isn't always with the most positive of emotions and can often leave you feeling anxious and insecure.
The most important thing, and it has been offered already, is to talk to your boyfriend. Tell him about how you're feeling and how you find it difficult to just 'switch on' for 8 hours a day. Communication is always the best foundation for a relationship. He may become defensive and say that he needs to study, which obviously you can understand, but surely there is a happy medium between the two? You say he goes away to study: is that just to a local campus or is it quite a distance away? If it is quite a distance away, why not see about visiting him? Or trying to organise a coffee/lunch date at a nearby location? If it is close by then I would suggest the same - try to arrange some down time for the two of you. Try to look at his schedule/your schedule and see if there is any point where you could maybe go for a night out/watch a movie together.
A relationship should always be about finding the middle ground - only very rarely, like in an emergency or a ridiculously important event, should one party be expected to drop/sacrifice everything for the other and right now your boyfriend doesn't seem to be giving much back to the relationship. He might not even realise that something is wrong because he is so wrapped up in his studies - as I said previously, you need to talk to him and it MUST be done face-to-face: this is not a conversation for technology! If he loves you as much as you think he does, he will be shocked that things are going so awry and he will make the effort to change. If he doesn't, then perhaps it is time for the two of you to part ways so that you can have a vaguely normal life again.
However I will say that you wouldn't be having this crisis if you weren't in love with him and if this love is reciprocated then you can make this work :).
I hope you can work it out!
Metia
@galliver@xanga - "Relationships can be habits."
Great call. That is what most turn into.
@Seussian@xanga - Heh, but is it a good habit, or a bad one?
I'm not sure I'll agree that that's ALL there is to it. There's habit and then there's that feeling of being completely comfortable with someone because you've known them forever and gone through things together, but at the same time knowing that there will always be something about them that is new to you. I think the best couples are the ones that find the balance of being comfortable and knowing each other and surprising each other (with a gift, an action, a plan/idea, etc)