There were a couple articles I came across recently that talked about the dwindling popularity of marriage and the inevitable increase of babies being born outside a marriage. According to Time, one out of four babies are born to unwed parents, which has nearly doubled in the last decade.
More couples are opting to live together in mutual commitment as opposed to tying the knot with all those legalities.
I remember talking to my aunt a few nights ago, who has been engaged for at least a couple years now, and she told me the outrageous costs of a ceremony along with the politics of who's invited and who's snubbed is what's keeping her from walking down the aisle.
She and her fiancé have been living together for at least five years and own a house together.
Aside from some of the legal perks of marriage, the popular opinion seems to be that it's not a necessary step in life. I find myself on the fence about the matter too.
What do you think? Do you think marriage is obsolete or its popularity is dwindling? Why?
Time article here.
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Comments (31)
Well me and my partner are not legally married but, we did make a commitment to one another in a ceremony type situation. We feel like marriage between anyone should not be dictated by government. It's something too personal.
A piece of paper saying that you're legally bonded to someone isn't necessary. I actually said that I would never get married again after my first marriage, and then I met a man who not only said the same thing, but we changed each other's minds about the whole idea of marriage and what it's supposed to be about.
Did we have to get married to stay together? Of course not, but it was a step for us to show that we didn't want to be with anyone else. I was proud to take his name, slap a ring on both of our fingers, and live out our happily ever after. The total cost for us to get married? $50 for the license and $75 for the pastor to meet us at a specified date, time, and location. No need for family to show up and think it's about them, no need for anyone but you two, a couple of witnesses, and the man that gets to say that you 'do'.
If marriage WAS becoming obsolete, it's because people take it with a grain of salt. They don't spend the time to get to know the person they are marrying before they do, and when their relationship becomes broken they ditch it instead of fixing it. The majority of Americans think that marriage is just a 'thing' that you do, and that if it isn't right you can find something better. And to think that it's a right that is being denied to many....
Marriage should be forever in love, but unfortunately most can't grasp the concept of love long enough to survive a marriage.
I got married very young, as I married a foreigner and went to live outside my country legal marriage was required. Also for me as a catholic the religious marriage was far more important than the legal one cuz you get the blessing of your church and present your love to God. Depends on the way you want to live I guess, I always dreamt of the wedding day, the lil house, two kids and a dog :)
I dont think its becoming obsolete, but I don;t think a lot of couples take it seriously either.
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married, and we didn't live together before marriage either. We took our vows seriously. I am thankful for a family legacy of long marriages (my own parents have been married for 35 years) and thats something we get to pass along to our children.
A wedding doesn't have to be expensive or big either. We had maybe 30 people at our wedding, my dress was $150, and the rest of the wedding cost us about $1000 (this included the JP and our best man's flight).
i plan to get married solely for the legal benefits.
It's not obsolete, but it's often unnecessary.
There are all kinds of benefits to marriage. Like if you just live together for 40 years and one partner dies, you are not entitled to his social security even if you have children together. So, in essence if they dies too soon you'll lose out on that money that could greatly benefit you in your older years. And since you probably supported them in their career, why shouldn't you get more money since they passed away and won't be getting it?
Marriage does have some nice legal (tax) perks but it also makes separation incredibly difficult as well. When splitting up money and property, it can be a huge headache. Divorces are a huge mess with all the legal fees and hassles so you better be damn sure your marriage is worth having.
I've heard that statistic a lot too, but I've also read it's an oversimplified view: http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/03/for-richer-not-for-poorer-the-inequality-crisis-of-marriage/254523/
The crux of the article is that marriage is stratifying by education/income level. Richer people get married more (and I think they have better statistics of staying together, too, but don't quote me on that). So basically, to say that marriage rates overall are going downhill is an incomplete story. The full story includes the demographics. There was also an interesting one I read that contradicted the "age when people marry has spiked so high since the '60s!" by pointing out that there was actually a trend toward increasing age at marriage (for both men and women) over the past century at least, and the 60's (maybe it was 70's) were the deviation, when people went back to marrying at a younger age.
Basically I see it all as an indication that we are moving away from unfounded societal stigmas and toward a culture of choice, and I think that's a good thing.
Marriage is retarded and makes no sense for any man.
I have no desire to get a marriage license from the government of any state.
Having the government license me to have a committed healthy relationship would be equivalent to having a blind guy license me to fly a plane.
You know if marriage equality was a thing nationwide maybe there would be a different statistic. I'm just throwing that out there. Considering on average same-sex relationships last longer than our heterosexual counterparts :c
I don't care what anyone else says or does, if it's right for me and my fiance and we want to do it, with all the legalities and the huge ceremony, we will.
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@ninetailedevee@xanga - Yes indeed! In addition, I know many straight couples who refuse to wed because gays cannot. There's your hard proof that those against gay marriage are in fact hurting the institution of marriage.
I wonder if the over 50% divorce rate has anything to do with the dwindling popularity of marriage? I mean, really, what's the incentive to get married when you're actually more likely to end up divorced than actually having a long and happy marriage?
I do agree with the people who have said that they don't need the government to have a say in there relationship, but I also recognize that there are a variety of legal benefits to getting married, so I do plan to marry someday. You know, provided I find a guy who is interested. Haha
People should be smarter about going into a marriage in the first place so there won't be a need for separation/divorce/bad stigma (except for extreme cases of course). Whatever happened to for better or for worse? This world disheartens me.
I believe in marriage, so I can't imagine spending the rest of my life together with someone and NOT marrying them, but at the same time, I don't think it's for us to decide if other people's relationships are legitimate or not depending on whether or not they're married. Everyone has a different view of things.
That being said, I think it's a great way to show committment to someone, and also a nice way to save on taxes and all sorts of other legal benefits :)
@CHRiSTiNE_x@xanga - "People should be smarter about going into a marriage in the first place so there won't be a need for separation/divorce/bad stigma"
In practise, that is actually very difficult.
The person you are with today may not be the same person YEARS later.
I think if your intention really is to stay together for the rest of your life... you should get married. If you're doing all the things married couples do - having kids, buying a place together, etc., then you're acting in a way that suggests you plan on spending your life together, so why not just legally do it and get the perks to go along with it? Plus there's the whole security factor... If I had a kid with someone, I wouldn't like knowing that my significant other who I have a kid with could just walk away because he felt like it, or someone prettier camea long. At least if you're married, there's something legally binding you together that MIGHT make you think twice about leaving for that younger/more attractive/richer person. If you really don't think you're going to stay together, and you're afraid the divorce would be too messy... I would say it doesn't make sense to do things married couples do in the first place (buying houses and having kids together are prime examples).
I would say if cost is an issue... the wedding doesn't need to be fancy. You can be legally married without spending an arm and a leg.
It is definitely decreasing in popularity, but I don't know if I would say marriage is obsolete. And as much as a legal document is not necessary for me to know that my lover and I will be together forever, the formality of it is still something I personally desire and something I find to be incredibly romantic, whether you have a big expensive ceremony or sign the paper quietly in a court house. However, I also think that you need to be realistic before marrying someone and not just jump into it because you love them so much. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), love is only one of the necessary components to a successful marriage. If you don't think you can fulfill the other components - you know, the whole "through sickness and through health, for richer or for poorer," etc. etc. - then don't get married. You need to be willing to stick out the tough stuff, communicate openly, and work together completely before you agree to marrying someone.
Marriage: betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever.
We got married, but didn't have a real wedding or anything. It was just us, the mayor and two of the girls who worked in that building (as witnesses). As far as the relationship itself, marriage is pointless. We are no more or less committed to one another than we were before we got married. Nothing has changed for us.
To the ones that are cynical about marriage or being with one person that you love. Yeah I bet that string of "Barney"-esque one night stands (How I Met Your Mother reference) helps you sleep at night. Just saying coming from a completely hetero guy that has that one amazing woman in his life. Here's a thought....get off your high horse and extremely long list of conquests on that belt. Just a thought like I said. Or you could be the person that just doesn't want to be with anyone. Or the person that had that one person but lost them somehow and don't think it's worth it anymore...With those people I understand more but the first kind of person I mentioned I can not.