Monday, 16 April 2012

• What Exactly is a 'Nice Guy?'

  
  Dawg: I see these postings around by some group called "nice guys." Their theory goes, that "A man has every right to expect, if he's nice to the woman, that he's gonna get sex sooner instead of later."  And that it's a natural expectation to hold. Something about that doesn't seem right to me, but I can't put my finger on it.  How come it doesn't feel right to me?

  Diva: It's because you're a civilized human being and not some kind of primitive, prehistoric cave man person. Because of that you realize that by you holding that expectation in your head, you've already dehumanized the woman.  Without sounding cliche, it sounds very insensitive, these so called "nice guys" bucking themselves up, telling themselves it's OK to think like, "This woman is a physical goal, someone to have sex with. Later I may or may not concern myself with issues like caring and love and passion and actual emotions let alone intellectual connections, right now I'm just gonna be a nice guy so I can get sex."

  Dawg: Yes, it's kind of a tit for tat, no pun intended.  It doesn't seem quite right, but I could see where a young man would want to believe it's right. And the nice guy people try to say there's nothing wrong with thinking like this, they say it's normal and that there's nothing wrong with it.  Why shouldn't guys just believe that?

  Diva: Normal men shouldn't believe that because it's too easy to believe it, because it's what they want to believe, which, if they're young men in their 20's, you know they're "thinking with their dick" anyway.

  Dawg: So if something is "too easy" to believe you shouldn't believe it?

  Diva: That's part of the reason in this situation, but the reasons are deeper.  It's just difficult to describe the ways in which people should have better intuition and sensitivity when they don't have it to begin with.

  Dawg: I can attest to the truth of that, and the truth of thinking with the penis, and mostly only with the penis, as a youth.  But how come it's always the man after the sex at the younger states of life?  Don't women like sex, and want it?  Why is it always the man who tries to chase down the sex.

  Diva: Not always, there are some young women who are horn dogs purely for the sex and no other reason and I don't judge them, they're rare, or (sometimes) they're troubled.  Some promiscuity is caused by having been sexually abused in early life, some sex addiction is not even accompanied by sexual enjoyment, and sometimes there are just young female horn dogs.  It's just the exception. And sure, women like sex, many women like or love sex.  But a lot of it has to do with the natural differences between men and women when they're young, in their teens and twenties.  Men would just about do anything for sex, most guys would at that age, amiright?

  Dawg: Yes.

  Diva: Men (teens and twenties men) spend so much time focused on sex, or the sex drive; it's hormonal, they can't help it.  Women on the other hand, seem to have less focus on pure sex drive, and they have to think about things like virginity, physical pain, the possibility of getting pregnant, their reputation, getting called sluts, getting labeled, getting dumped by the guy after he's done with the chase, and whether or not it's even going to be an enjoyable experience for them.  Wanting sex, as much as possible, as often as possible, is almost always a thing for young men; for young women, it's much more complicated.

  Dawg: Why does a nice guy have to care about something like that?  He's been nice to her after all, that should cover it, right?

  Diva: If a nice guy doesn't care about stuff like that, he's not a truly nice guy, he's just calling himself a nice guy. It's actually bogus.

  Dawg: Why is sex an enjoyable experience for young men much more of the time than for young women?

  Diva: Aside from you knowing why, let's pretend you don't.   Still I think, that topic is a topic for another blog.  It deserves its own blog, and we will blog about it in the future.

  Dawg: OK, leaving all that out, it's more complicated for women.  For the young men, some of us, it's all we think about and focus on. We can't help it.  We're incredibly attracted to girls and we want to have sex with them. What's fair for us?

  Diva: Life isn't always fair.

  Dawg: How's that fair?

  Diva: I just said, life's not always fair.  These so-called nice guys can walk around thinking they deserve to "get" what they want, they're black and white thinkers, they're not sensitive men or intuitive men.  They will eventually have to draw from their other skills to have OK lives.  They can draw from their abilities to do things like lift things that women can't lift, and they can marry the woman they impregnate, and then do the 'manly' things around the house, and they can go through their entire lives telling themselves they're nice guys and even seeming like nice enough guys.

  Dawg: Doesn't sound like much of a life.

  Diva: These sorts of 'nice guys' - meh.

  Dawg: Meh, yeah.

  Diva: Women and girls, lots of them, think about it more in terms of making love.   That's where the "nice guy" rationalization falls on it's face.  The so-called "nice guy" expects that if he is nice to the woman for long enough, it's then all right (and normal) to assume that she will want to have sex with him.  He's engaged in a mental over-simplification that's being led by his 'brainless, heartless, soulless' penis.

  Dawg: Why the mean talk about the penis.

  Diva: Not mean talk, just fact?  Did your penis ever have a soul, a brain, or a heart?

  Dawg: Well... no.

  Diva: That's all I'm saying. I'm saying that a lot of women, their whole hearts and brains are involved in the sex thing. Some women have sex merely for physical gratification, but for many it's much more complicated, whereas for young men, it's almost always solely about physical gratification, at least a much greater percentage of them.

  Dawg: I really can't disagree with that.

  Diva: The "expectation" of sex by some so-called nice guy is NEVER going to be anything like consensual, and they will probably be crappy lovers all their lives to boot.

  Dawg: How do they know they're crappy lovers?

  Diva: It doesn't matter, these kind of men don't care to know.  But this 'how to be better in bed' question (if he cares) is something we can take up in a another blog soon, agree?

  Dawg: Sex is always one of my favorite topics, I agree with enthusiasm.

   

  Thoughts?

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