Sunday, 15 April 2012
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Five Reasons Why I Believe Most Women Will Never Approach Men
It's the 21st Century, and traditional roles are all but gone. Instead of women staying at home to take care of the kids while the men work, we are seeing most women work and even some men stay home to take care of the kids. The idea of the typical first date, where a man asks a woman out typically to a nice restaurant and pays for both himself and her, has been all but shattered.
There is however one role that is still as prevalent today as it was in the good ole days, and that is men doing all the work when it comes to meeting someone of interest and setting up a get-together.While many of us guys would LOVE to see women be as proactive as men if not more proactive, I believe that will not be happening anytime soon. Below, I have listed the top five reasons why I personally believe most women do not and will not ask men out:
1) Insecurity. A lot of guys have approach anxiety when it comes to approaching women of interest, but did you know that most women are TEN TIMES more anxious to approach or ask out men that they are interested in? I'm not just talking about your stereotypical shy and timid bookworm girl that sits in the corner by herself; this includes attractive and popular women who hang out with a bunch of girlfriends and are always going places.
For a guy, rejection can hurt pretty bad. For a woman? It could send her into a dangerous death spiral. Women in general are also far more self-conscious than men and are more likely to create more false realities in their heads about interacting with guys of interest (i.e. Will he like me? Will he find me attractive? Will he be a great guy and not a creep?).2) They don't feel it's necessary. Most women get asked out on a regular basis by men they run into. In fact, depending on how attractive she is, a woman could be asked out 20 times per day on average. Guys are far more desperate when it comes to being intimate with women than women are with guys. Why do you think there are more men in attendance at night clubs/bars, on online dating sites, at speed dating events, and even in latin dance classes than women?
When a woman gets asked out this much, she usually feels that the world is her oyster and thus doesn't have to do any searching. I find this to be a problem because too many women out there complain that they can't find any decent guys. First of all, how can these women say they're "finding" guys unless they're asking them out? Second, I think being proactive could help alleviate this problem because a guy a woman asks out could actually turn out to be into her as a person instead of just someone who wants to get into her pants.3) Peer Pressure. Women are taught by their mothers to be passive about finding guys to go out with and how to handle certain situations when guys approach them. They are also pressured into following this mentality if they are within a big clique of friends. There's not much I can say about this other than it's just something that happens.
Men, especially those who grew up without a father around, are raised by their mothers to do all sorts of wussy things for women (i.e. pay for a woman's meal, shower her with gifts, always compliment her, etc.), but many guys know that doing these things is an ineffective means of attracting women. Is it possible that mothers are teaching their daughters the wrong way to interact with men as well?4) They find guys who approach them more attractive. Women are more attracted to men who are not intimidated by them. Even the very small percentage of women who seek guys out would rather be approached. Saying that women are attracted to men with confidence is like saying the earth is shaped like a sphere. Why would women want to approach a bunch of guys who are not comfortable in their own skin and are unwilling to take risks and make moves when they are more attracted to men who are willing to be bold?
5) It defeats the purpose of playing hard to get. For the women who like playing hard to get, why would they want to approach men? That is unless they want to just mess with their heads. Said women would prefer that men chase after them just so they can shoot them down and feel better about themselves. I agree it's an immature game and said women should be avoided at all costs.
So in conclusion, if you're a guy and you're all bent out of shape about how unfair it is that guys have to do all the approaching even in today's progressive society, then it's time to man up and grow a pair. Yes, it's not fair and it's extremely frustrating for guys who are shy and have social anxiety. All you can do is accept it and learn how to overcome approach anxiety, which is much easier for guys to do naturally and it makes you look more attractive in the long run.
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- From: Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga
- About Me: I have been using Xanga since August 2001 and have seen a lot of changes since then.
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Comments (120)
http://www.josephducreux.com/
I feel like it's nessacary because the guys that ask me out are nothing but jerks.
I'm worth more than some random jerk thats asking me out while they see i'm obviously on the phone.
I'm not good at it but i'm still working on my skills.
1) Women are not THAT insecure, c'mon now! Don't be silly.
2) I call total BS! There is nobody on this planet who is asked out every single day, let alone enough for there to be an average of 20 times, unless you only know strippers of course.
3) Paying for a date, being kind (though I wouldn't suggest showering anybody with gifts), and paying compliments is exactly how guys get dates. However, this will not work if you don't actually know the girl or she is not attracted to you. No, mothers haven't gotten it wrong.
4) Oh, please women are attracted to personalities. Some of us prefer the quiet guy in the corner. Don't be silly.
5) Women don't all like to play hard to get, don't be silly.
Good grief, you know what's "unfair"? It's unfair that women have to have PMS, menstrual cycles, be pregnant and give birth. Try that on for size and see how much you should complain about asking women out on dates and paying for meals in the beginning stages of dating. But you are right about one thing, when so many men are so loose in their standards that they ask a lot of women out, women don't have to do the asking, unless they want to.
except for #4, who's ass did you pull this out of?
Yeah I definitely agree with 2) They don't feel that it's necessary and 4) They find guys who approach them more attractive.
4) I REALLY like when a guy has confidence and has very few insecurities about himself, his masculinity, his achievements, and his attractiveness, and if he approaches me in a way that tells me he is one of those guys, I love it. I love that he can ask out a girl and not collapse in sad little heap of despair if I should reject him. I know a lot of guys are terrified of asking some women out, and it's understandable, but it's less attractive to me.
2) It's just...really not necessary for me to approach guys; you think I might sometimes not get the guy I really want, but I don't believe that it's true for me personally. When I've felt a strong chemistry with a guy in the past, the guy ends up pursuing a closer relationship with me, and it usually ends up becoming a relationship. Yeah, I'm complaining right now that I can't find a good guy, but it's not because I'm too scared to ask out the guys around me - I've already evaluated all of them to some degree and would rather be friends with them. If I thought a guy was maybe a prospective, I would be receptive to his advances and would hang out with him and see him a little more often. If he decides to pursue me, then that's wonderful. But if he is lukewarm about our friendship or is too shy to pursue me, then I just leave it at that. I don't want to pursue a guy who's so meh about me or who is too shy and/or insecure to be more forward.
the reason i don't approach men is that they will approach me.
You obviously know nothing.
I always approach men whenever I'm in the mood. In fact, one time at the bar, I thought this guy was attractive. I asked him if he could make out with me before he left and he did. wazaah. It didn't turn into anything more than a kiss, but still, I go after what I want, and if I get rejected, I don't cry over it.
@Lynn Males@facebook - Maybe in your next life, you'll be born female and someone will gladly buy you a meal! hahaha
It takes a real man to buy a woman dinner. Little boys just whine about it.
i would LOVe for a woman to ask me out. as long as she's not some fat skanky stalker bitch.
@Anon - I hope you see the irony in posting an anonymous comment about not fearing rejection. :)
I was about to approach this guy at work or more like just tell him that I think he's cute, but later I found out that he has a wife and a few kids, so I was shocked and disappointed that the rare time that I actually want to tell a guy something...he is un-approachable
the guys that I've thought about approaching turn out to be gay or married
I'm drawn to the forbidden fruits without realizing it until later. so I let the guys approach me, who are likely not gay or married
it sucks, because I see this guy that I previously wanted to approach at work and he is so cute, and I always have an urge to blurt out that I think he's cute, but I can't tell him or else it'll be more awkward. he already acts weird and fumbles around when he's near me, so he probably knows or maybe he even thinks I'm cute, too
he said something funny today and he just keeps getting cuter, yet I can't tell him or cross that boundary, because I don't think it is a good idea to compliment a married guy with kids, who is also my coworker:D he has such good manners and is extremely courteous to everyone. anyway, I rarely approach random guys. I'd have to develop some sort of crush somehow and have been secretly watching him
scope him out first and then consider if I should approach him. I have to let the dreamy mode take place first, daydream about him for a while, and then decide if I shall take it to the next level.
mhh...I feel like if a woman approaches a guy she is often seen as a cheap little bitch, unless maybe she is a hyper succesful domineering carreer type, and it's obvious that she just wants to give the poor shy guy a chance. Some men don't even like it because they like to take the lead or maybe even feel more intimidated. Depends on the "social subculture" I guess.
Anyway, in the the end all this "men vs women" reasoning and generalizing and complaining about the other gender doesn't help.
You just have to take your personal reality as it is.
You want a woman who approaches you? ok, but you might have to wait.
You want to get to know a guy, but he's shy? make some sort of first step at least (like talking)
and so on.
@Lynn Males@facebook - You again? Go away. @EpistemicDuty@xanga - I hope you see that this is the Internet where no one knows each other. I don't look online for hook ups and relationships so it doesn't matter if I show myself or not. Besides, I get a lot better results in person because people can see clearly what they're dealing with unlike the angle shots and what not of people on the Internet. :)
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - Hey "smart" ass, I hope you realize that this is the Internet where everyone's anonymous anyway. I couldn't care less what hot shots like you think of me on the Internet. I love people like you who think you're the shit in calling out people but you just look dumb in doing so. Even if I did show myself, I honestly couldn't care less what you thought of my picture. I don't show my picture because there are perverts on the Internet like you who would probably save my picture and jack off to it.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - I love how you try to call me out for shit yet you don't even show yourself either. Hypocrite much? If you're gonna call out someone for not showing their pics, at least show yourself first, douche. :) U hide behind some nerd bombing video game character.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - And YOU'RE not hiding behind the computer anonymous? Says Mr. xanga LOCKED. LMAO.
I can't really tell you about other women, but the only reason I might be hesitant to make a move is for the same reason a dude would, but I am fearless as fuck when I want something (or someone). I also know how to be rejected without making a "thing" of it.
Can I point out that there are guys who don't like being approached? They don't like it. They feel like the asking out should be there job and if a girl asked them out, they would be like "fuck no, she is trying to take away my masculinity"
Guys would love for a girl to ask them out. But only if they are a girl they are already interested in. If someone asks me out and it's out of the blue, I'll say yes unless I have some reason not to go out with them. Most guys are like "...but you aren't the girl I wanted to ask me out". It took my one ex 6 months after I asked him out and a handful of rejections from other girls to realize we were a better match and he should have given me a goddamn chance in the first place to show that. And it cost him because I said I wasn't staying with him after he left for college and we broke up after a few months when he left.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - I hope you do realize how 10 times more dumber you look by trying to act hot shit in calling people out for not showing themselves while you have your xanga locked and your dp isn't even a pic of you. And you're not hiding behind the computer? LOL.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - I also hope you see that just because you post on a user name doesn't make you un-anonymous. You don't have a picture of yourself and you keep your xanga locked. The only time a person isn't anonymous is if they show their picture, tell everyone their first and last names, and where they live. You are still under anonymous jack ass. I hope no one is dumb enough to post on their first and last names here but I see this @Lynn Males@facebook - lucky for him/her, people couldn't care less about what this ignorant troll posts only to find them. just another troll that will hopefully fade like all the other trolls that did.
#4 is true for me, but not because I think men are intimidated by me. I like men who are aggressive and go after what they want. Letting them ask me out (which I did before I was married) accomplishes two things: it ensures that they are at least a little bit aggressive, and assured me that I really was what they wanted.
Actually, all my relationships improved once I started doing that.
@Anon - I didn't ask you to read my comment as anything more than merely implying that the situation is humorous. But apparently I've struck a nerve. Also if you really want to know what I look like I have a youtube channel with the same username. . In fact I'm quite used to people looking me up to the point where they use my e-mail address to seek out what sites I joined to judge me You could be one of these butt hurt people for all I know seeing as how you responded with a tirade with my one line. Sure I've joined hook up sites and regular dating sites. Another thing I don't mind stating publicly. Those sites eventually bore and piss me off and nothing comes of them and the women I have met online ended up not being from any dating site. As for people jacking off to your picture. Would it surprise you to know that in one of my youtube videos with "tagged" in the title, I got comments from people saying that they masturbated to my video? My thoughts were since I can't control what gets people off I shouldn't sweat it. For example If a woman likes to be smacked around and called a slut and remain dependent on an abusive boyfriend because that's how she gets off who am I to judge? Since you are worried about people masturbating to your image you must be incredibly vain because this must be a serious problem when you go out in public. Unless of course you are refering to nude photos. Are you going to condemn every man online who saves a nude photo of a woman he finds on a site that has...nude photos of women? The audacity!
I actually do find some truth in this post. I figured most women would be like "NO YOU'RE WRONG YOU DON'T KNOW S*** ABOUT ANYTHING I'M A TOUGH ASS WOMAN" and so on.
That's why the title says "most women," not "ALL women." While I think a woman falling in a "dangerous death spiral" is too much, I do know some girls who get quite self-conscious and take a real hit to their self-esteem when they get rejected.
This list will not apply to ALL women. But it does provide some insight as to why men approaching women is so much more common. So calm down, people.
Most of the relationships I've been in started out by me asking them out. I guess because the people that usually came up to me to ask me out I was not interested in at all so I figure if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. When I look back on it it's kind of funny because in all other social situations I was very anxious and didn't want to bother with people but I always knew what I wanted when it came to liking/loving someone.
@EpistemicDuty@xanga - I'm anonymous because of perverts like you who would probably save my pic and jack off to it. Trust me hunny, I have no problem getting a guy even if it's just for the moment like the make out session I was saying earlier. You don't need to worry about how I look online, you need to worry about yourself and what a fucking douche bag you are calling out people for being anonymous while you hide yourself.