Sunday, 15 April 2012
It's the 21st Century, and traditional roles are all but gone. Instead of women staying at home to take care of the kids while the men work, we are seeing most women work and even some men stay home to take care of the kids. The idea of the typical first date, where a man asks a woman out typically to a nice restaurant and pays for both himself and her, has been all but shattered.
There is however one role that is still as prevalent today as it was in the good ole days, and that is men doing all the work when it comes to meeting someone of interest and setting up a get-together.
While many of us guys would LOVE to see women be as proactive as men if not more proactive, I believe that will not be happening anytime soon. Below, I have listed the top five reasons why I personally believe most women do not and will not ask men out:
1) Insecurity. A lot of guys have approach anxiety when it comes to approaching women of interest, but did you know that most women are TEN TIMES more anxious to approach or ask out men that they are interested in? I'm not just talking about your stereotypical shy and timid bookworm girl that sits in the corner by herself; this includes attractive and popular women who hang out with a bunch of girlfriends and are always going places.
For a guy, rejection can hurt pretty bad. For a woman? It could send her into a dangerous death spiral. Women in general are also far more self-conscious than men and are more likely to create more false realities in their heads about interacting with guys of interest (i.e. Will he like me? Will he find me attractive? Will he be a great guy and not a creep?).
2) They don't feel it's necessary. Most women get asked out on a regular basis by men they run into. In fact, depending on how attractive she is, a woman could be asked out 20 times per day on average. Guys are far more desperate when it comes to being intimate with women than women are with guys. Why do you think there are more men in attendance at night clubs/bars, on online dating sites, at speed dating events, and even in latin dance classes than women?
When a woman gets asked out this much, she usually feels that the world is her oyster and thus doesn't have to do any searching. I find this to be a problem because too many women out there complain that they can't find any decent guys. First of all, how can these women say they're "finding" guys unless they're asking them out? Second, I think being proactive could help alleviate this problem because a guy a woman asks out could actually turn out to be into her as a person instead of just someone who wants to get into her pants.
3) Peer Pressure. Women are taught by their mothers to be passive about finding guys to go out with and how to handle certain situations when guys approach them. They are also pressured into following this mentality if they are within a big clique of friends. There's not much I can say about this other than it's just something that happens.
Men, especially those who grew up without a father around, are raised by their mothers to do all sorts of wussy things for women (i.e. pay for a woman's meal, shower her with gifts, always compliment her, etc.), but many guys know that doing these things is an ineffective means of attracting women. Is it possible that mothers are teaching their daughters the wrong way to interact with men as well?
4) They find guys who approach them more attractive. Women are more attracted to men who are not intimidated by them. Even the very small percentage of women who seek guys out would rather be approached. Saying that women are attracted to men with confidence is like saying the earth is shaped like a sphere. Why would women want to approach a bunch of guys who are not comfortable in their own skin and are unwilling to take risks and make moves when they are more attracted to men who are willing to be bold?
5) It defeats the purpose of playing hard to get. For the women who like playing hard to get, why would they want to approach men? That is unless they want to just mess with their heads. Said women would prefer that men chase after them just so they can shoot them down and feel better about themselves. I agree it's an immature game and said women should be avoided at all costs.
So in conclusion, if you're a guy and you're all bent out of shape about how unfair it is that guys have to do all the approaching even in today's progressive society, then it's time to man up and grow a pair. Yes, it's not fair and it's extremely frustrating for guys who are shy and have social anxiety. All you can do is accept it and learn how to overcome approach anxiety, which is much easier for guys to do naturally and it makes you look more attractive in the long run.