I had a friend recently confess that she is head over heels for her best friend. She cares for him very much and the two do practically everything together. Only thing is he likes someone else and can't seem to pull his attention away from this other girl, though she's turned him down a couple times now.
It reminds me of a Madeleine L'Engle quote: "It's a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them--and they simply don't need you. That's all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they'll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on--this desperate need--and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other."
Confessing your feelings to a best friend is always a tricky business, in my humble opinion. What if the feelings aren't reciprocated? Then there's that period of awkwardness and possible strain on the friendship. Could even ruin it. Who knows!
Ah, but what if the feelings are reciprocated? Nothing could match that blissfulness. Even if there is no initial attraction, at least the spark has been lit. I don't know about you but when someone I hadn't really considered liking in a non-platonic way suddenly shows interest in something more, I perk up a bit. I start to consider how they'd look in a different light.
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to confess feelings to a best friend? What did you do and how did it go? How do you deal with unrequited love?
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I have with close friends, and was turned down by all of them. Some I'm still close friends with; some are merely just friends who say hi here and there.
I told them I had feelings for them straight up, and surprisingly they returned them.
I tackled this in a Datingish entry once named "How I Abandoned the Friend Zone (which should be how I Escaped the Friend Zone)". I was in the same unrequited love boat. What worked for me was just being straight up, which was scary as fuck to me at the time because (and this is what makes modern-day relationships so awkward) I always thought that you'd lose a person more if you were vulnerable about something or someone.
I told one of my best friends that I had a crush on her. At first she didn't feel the same. But overtime, I just learned to let it go, develop a strong friendship with her, and wound up telling her that if she didn't feel the same, then it doesn't matter. Because whether she's a friend a lover or any relationship of the sort, you will always be by their side, no matter what. After that, we went out with each other. We broke up over mutual issues having to do with our personal feelings about dating. Both of us are back to friends now, but that closeness opens up a possibility of the friendship going further for the both of us.
So, be vulnerable, but not overly so. Just enough honesty to let them know you mean business. This works everytime I crush on a best friend, and it works because they know that I mean exactly what I say to them.. In my mind, nothing brings friends, family, lovers and people together like knowing that no matter what, nothing makes you happier than simply knowing them and having them be a part of your life.
The trick is to not be forceful about it and expect her or him to say yes. Leave the decision up to your crush, and let the chips fall where they may. Let them know that just being in their presence or getting to have them in your life is enough for you. After you've let them in your heart like so, see what happens after.
I told her when I was drunk. Awkwaaaaaard
I once told a good friend if mine that I liked her but she didn't feel the same way. I was disappointed but shrugged it off, part of me thought she probably could do better anyways so I didn't dwell on it. We had a few months of awkwardly avoiding each other but then we went back to being normal friends again. Actually with me no longer having romantic intentions towards her, we became even closer friends because I was relaxed enough to be my goofy self without constantly fearing I would look stupid around her. After about a year, I suspect that she started to develop feelings for me but dismissed the notion as just me reading too much into it. I later heard from a mutual friend of ours that she was entertaining the idea of us getting together but was waiting for me to ask her out (she's very shy). I never did though. After college, we began to drift apart and kinda went different paths in life. I do sometimes wonder how things would've turned out differently if we had gotten together but I somehow doubt I would've been as happy as I am with my current GF. See, always look for the silver lining =)
Yes, I confessed to one of my best guy friends. He didn't feel the same. I was sad. And I moved on. End of story.
how can she say she loves him if they never banged? (or is that an inaccurate assumption?)
@npr32486@xanga - hahaha that was a bad move. i asked out a semi-friend of mine (somewhere between friend and acquaintance) when i was drunk. she was like "uh...i think i see us as just friends." that was last january, and i think i've only spoken to her like twice since then haha.
Yep we're best friends now and he wants to see me daily almost to the point where I'd actually be fine with not seeing him for a week, ha. When we "dated" it was rocky, but once we were just friends, he's been there for me through all my troubles unlike my fake friends who abandon me when times get rough.
You don't.
Go for it. I regret everyday that I never told her how I feel. She's always in a new relationship...
Well, I'm currently dating my bestfriend (of 7 years), I can't ask for someone better. :)
omg... this is me-- and your quote made me tear up.
well.... not right now and not like... in a dangerous way-- but I was in a similar situation during college. and it wasn't that we were best friends, parsay, but we did everything together-- for almost our entire college life and despite how many times I'd ask, he was always just not that into me. We had been practically married-- but.. not
I told mine. We actually dated for four months before he decided he'd never liked me and was only with me as a rebound. We don't speak now. That's one eighteen year friendship ruined.
I did and failed and moved on...better than thinking 'what if'...
It's been said, but it's worth repeating:
You don't.
Two years after living together (and my moving to another state), he kissed me, and I finally knew my best friend shared the same feelings I did. Two years later, and we're still happily together. He also, apparently, left his journal in my room when we lived together the first time in hopes I would read it and know how he felt about me... but I respected his privacy too much to do that.
When are young people going to realize that life is too short for this crap. She should tell him. If he's a truly good person and friend it won't affect their friendship.
“Hello Dr Gboco! You were my last hope and after all the spellcasters I tried before, you were my last chance, and you kept your promise! My wife wrote me such a touching letter last week! She wants to live with me and the kids again! I really feel I’m living again! Thank you for making all this possible!” gbocotemple@yahoo.com
Long ago I had a crush on a very close friend and I told him about it and he just didn't feel the same way. Yes, things were awkward for a while but we got over it and are still good friends. About 2 years ago my best friend (of 10 years) had a crush on me and started to be sweeter and nicer you know, that kind'a thing and I remember everyone telling me he was interested but like always I lived in the moon and never saw anything, long story short he told me his feelings for me and by then, I felt the same way (even though big mouth [me] had always said "no no no never, he's my best friend, bla bla bla... and he's not my type") so yeah, now I am so happy is one of the best things has ever happened to me and we're now planning for the future. So, we never know what surprises life can give us :)
Simple.
You tell them. Why waste it? Don't live with regrets...
I am young...16... but I fell fast for a guy I'd known since freshman year. (I'm a junior now) and over the summer, I started talking to him more and more... and everyday I'd get closer and closer to revealing my feelings...but I was so scared. One day, he'd called to tell me he was on his way to his neighbors' house to ask out the girl that lived there. I tried my best to be happy for him, but instead, I burst into tears. "What's wrong?" he asked. I told him how amazing I thought he was and he'd stolen my heart. A month later, he kissed me while we watched the sunset, and I knew he was so special because he took his time... 8 months later and we're still going strong... he is my best friend AND my boyfriend.
On the other hand, if things don't work out, yes, it is sad... but eventually, you get over it. You look back and smile, not frown.
not yet.no never
DON'T DO IT!!!
You never know what's gonna happen, but I advice against it. There is a reason you are best friends and quite frankly that is way more valuable than any relationship you'll ever have other than your husband/wife. When I was a teenager I had a best friend. A girl. Oddly the relationship started one day when I was on the phone with another friend and she just took it from her to insult me. After that we spoke without meeting for months. In those months I slowly started to fall for her despite the fact she was my friend. Man by the time we met we knew everything about each other. And when we met, wow, she was gorgeous and I was not expecting that. A month later we were together. I had the most romantic date in my entire life with her. It just doesn't get more romantic than that. But eventually she broke my heart. She told me she was confused and her feelings of best friend clouded her judgment of romance and she wasn't ready for that, etc etc etc. I was absolutely devastated being young and naive and like dude, really in love. I never put that kind of effort into loving someone the way I loved her with anyone else. I think it is impossible to love someone like that more than once in your life and I made a mistake in who I fell in love with. Hell, 15 years later to some degree I still love her and we are still friends. Oddly. It's the only girl I ever dated that I still talk to, and that is kind of hard because even though I tell myself I'm over it it still rubs salt in the wound when we talk. And she has a bf now which she didn't for a long time and I feel slightly responsible for that because she kept measuring guys based on me for like half her life and she also felt like she owed me explanations which made me feel terrible. And the guy hates me because she talks to me a lot and I'm "special" to her. And there's a hell of a lot more to the story but this is the good part of it. I could not stand never speaking to her again so I put off feeling like shit and then forgetting her. Instead I suffered slowly and silently but eventually she stayed friends. And I got over the selfish feelings you have when you are young. About love and stuff. The truth still remains that I am always afraid to love someone when I start to get past that initial razzle dazzle of a relationship and they start to become your friend and so on. And that's what leads to a marriage or whatever and it freaks me the fuck out. So either way, you lose a friend or a part of yourself but I seriously advice against it. There are many men and women in the world. All you need is to love one of them at a time and maybe you'll be happy. Save your best friend for what they are, that is ultimately more rare and harder to find. And yeah thanks for the therapy session Britt.
When I was 14 I met Marshall... <3
We both went to school, and he was 16 then. We met by accident (both sitting in a teachers class to miss a school sponsered basketball game.) We hung with the same crowd, listened to the same music, and had just about everything in common. Quickly, we became not just friends, but best friends. At the time, Marshall was dating a mutual friend, Haley. I had no feelings for him romantically... But about a year later, he and Haley began having problems, and he would show up at my house at two am crying, which broke my heart. the more toxic their relationship became, the closer we got. (we were literally spending weeks at a time at each others houses) again, at this point, we were JUST friends. That summer, they broke up, and I found I was falling for him...hard. One night, in the end of summer, a few months after I turned 15, he had been staying about a week at my house, we decided to drink. It was neither of our first times drinking, and so we were plan and simple, totally wasted. We crawl into bed together, and cuddle up (not a first time thing either) and fell asleep. Somehow, we both woke up around four a.m. and I scratched lightly on his bare chest. (we weren't drunk at this point, just a bit hazy, both in full realization of what was happening) one thing led to another and we had sex.
I couldn't seem to get him off my mind afterwards, but I still didn't tell him how I felt about him. We talked, and things returned to normal again a few days later---as best friends--- and the situation never repeated itself... Eventually he dated my sister, and I was so overwraught with jealousy, I cried myself to sleep at night, mostly because she KNEW how i felt.. Finally, I called him, and I told him.. but he simply said he didn't want anything to change between us... We're still best friends, he's still dating my sister, and I still love him, but I feel so much better now that its out there, and he understands... I guess the point I'm getting at is,
1.) If you love him, tell him. Don't wait, because he'll bed your family.
2.) DON'T LET IT RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP! if he says he doesn't feel the same, don't make a scene and don't dramatically ask why, just say that its okay, you just felt he needed to know, and both of you move on with your lives. thats it.
3.) Don't sleep with him. I don't care how cute, how good, or how big he is. resist the temptation. trust me, you don't want the heartache.