Thursday, 12 April 2012
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Is He Really That Cold?
I've had this friend forever. My friend, who shouldn't be named, has been dating her boyfriend for three years. He was sweet and mostly loving towards her. He is her first everything. In January, she found out she was pregnant. When she goes to tell her boyfriend, all he says is, "I don't want to deal with this right now."
Just to be sure, she takes a second test two weeks later and of course, it's still a positive. She considered an abortion and her boyfriend begins to complain about how he'll have to pay for it. So she offers to pay half of it.
As the weeks go on, he is around less and less. All he wants to do is skate and hang out with friends. She tells him that they need to talk alone but he decides having sleep overs with his guy friends are more important. My friend starts to feel guilty after reading that her baby has a heartbeat and Googles the "surgical" abortion only to be shocked at what they'll do to her kid to kill it.
She tells him she needs prenatals because she feels really weak and he complained about her helping "it" (baby).
She tried telling her boyfriend she couldn't go through with it anymore and all he did was complain about how he felt like all the pressure was on him and how "fucked up" it was that she made the decision without him.
The next day he tells her that she's being an ass (moody due to pregnancy) and selfish (for not coming outside in the cold rain to apologize for being an "ass"). He then tells her to get out and drives her home before leaving to Dallas (a trip planned from a year ago). When he gets back, he invites her over while his roommate is gone. There was no food at the apartment so she (and her baby) had to make due for the night.
To this day, he hasn't helped feed his girlfriend much when she's broke. He tells her to go home and have her dad buy her food like it's not his responsibility. He also complains about her getting mad over nothing (mood swings) as if it's all her fault. He just now started to show a tiny bit of concern for her health. I really don't like him but don't know what to say to her.
Any advice?
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- From: cdmm91@xanga
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Comments (55)
She needs to put her and her baby first... If the guy wants to be apart of her life, he'll make an effort to....
@xraindropsonroses said it best. She needs to prepare to become a parent. Not try to continue a relationship with an infant. Hope things work out for her <3
Holy crap o__O Tell her that she needs to think of herself and the baby. If he doesn't want to man up and take responsibility then that's his issue.
if he is treating her like that now, chances are it will just escalate.
she needs to be getting ready to be a single mum.
just because he's the father doesn't mean he's a good dad or a good boyfriend. why the fuck is she still with him? she's better off without him and would deserve finding someone who would treat her well. it is tough - my friend went through the same situation - but she focused on being a mother. she has had a couple boyfriends since and being a single mother definitely has been hard on her, but her friends and family are what have really helped her out. she doesn't need the man to raise her child, especially if he's going to treat her like that.
He's just selfish and immature. She definitely should end the relationship. Also she will have to consider her options like if she really can't get money then maybe adoption?
Holy hell.
How old is this father? I don't know anyone who still has sleep overs that I'd consider old/mature enough to be a parent.
I agree with everyone who said she needs to not worry about their relationship and focus on the fact that she's going to be a mother.
And obviously it's too late for this now, but fuck next time use a condom, especially if you're going to fuck such an asshole.
Tell her to kick him to the curve and then decides if a) she wants to keep the baby or b) she is going to abort. There are many factors to consider before she makes a decision and that decision alone is hers. She will also need to seek support from her family as well. If she hadn't already told them, I would suggest you encourage her to, so they can support her (emotionally and financially). If she choose to have the baby and raise it herself, she can and have the right to seek child support.
Let me talk to him in person for about an hour.
I can understand his point of view. He doesn't want a baby. I mean, who just drops everything in their life to make way for an unplanned pregnancy? (besides highly religious or conservative folks)
It's both their fault for not using protection. They need to abort this baby before the first trimester to avoid complications.
She should not keep the baby in this unhealthy and unstable stage. Dump the dude, try to move on and use protection next time!
This is exactly why I never had sex with my ex...because whenever I tried to discuss with him what we would do if I became pregnant, he freaked out and fell to pieces over the hypothetical scenario. I wasn't risking it with someone who wasn't mature enough to handle the possible consequences.
It's a little late in this case though...I think she needs to forget about him and do what she wants to do. Clearly, he wants to have control over the decisions but he doesn't want to take responsibility in any other way.
He sounds like an asshole. Aside from that, she wants the baby so she needs to lose the prick, get a job, and learn to support herself and this future baby. Why does she keep asking this dick for anything?! pfft. @_@
He'll pay one way or another, and he'll get his. This guy is the epitome of a douche bag sounds like playing the victim when he's not. He helped make that baby and he needs to man the fuck up.
@Lynn Males@facebook - People like you are dicks. You can sex it up but when there are consequences you want to run. Man the fuck up you helped make the baby and the baby shouldn't have to pay for YOUR stupid mistakes.
@Lynn Males@facebook - Yes you are a fuckin' douche. If you're going to have an abortion with the girl, at least help pay for the abortion. He isn't even willing to do that and you claim to agree with him on all this. You are a fucking douche for wanting to split so you don't have to deal with the consequences. There's a name for "people" like you: cowards.
@Lynn Males@facebook - You don't know me so there's no point to "show" myself. You are doing the same thing hiding behind the computer asshole. Glad you got a vas. You don't need to reproduce with your mindset.
@Lynn Males@facebook - That's awesome that you can show yourself and be loud and proud to claim that you're a coward. Good for you. Props. This is the Internet no one really knows each other on here personally. You don't need to know anything about me. I wouldn't put myself in this situation in the first place so I wouldn't have to put a baby's life on the line at all is what I would do. I take very careful precautions of not having to deal with unplanned pregnancies so this is a moot point.
@Lynn Males@facebook - What are you going to do if I show myself? Stalk me and find myself to pulverize me over dumb ass comments on the Internet? Get a fucking life dick head.
@Lynn Males@facebook - OH and also, sometimes some situations call for an abortion I understand, however, but this little boy isn't even wanting to pay for an abortion. That's fine if he wants an abortion, he needs to contribute to the abortion funds. It takes two to tango. If he wants an abortion, then help pay for it otherwise I side with her being able to keep it because he isn't contributing anything to it except for sticking his dick in her cooter, possibly put it up for an adoption. What's up with these little boy stories? When's a guy going to man up in a blog? I'm sick of reading about these little boys who want to run when things get tough.
@Lynn Males@facebook - It's nice to know that guys out there can take no responsibilities at all, not even paying for an abortion just because the woman can choose to keep the baby. There are double standards. It's life hunny just like if a guy sleeps with tons of girls he gets high fives from his buddies but if a girl does the same, she gets called a slut. Grow up and man up when you have to deal with consequences instead of run. Guys are also known to be pussies if they still have their virginities but women are viewed as sacred and hard to get when they are virgins. There are lots of double standards just like men have the upperhand in work places (in the old days) and wives are expected to be incompetent staying at home tending to kids. Glad MOST of the world grew up from those days.
@Lynn Males@facebook - I am GLAD that women are in control of whether or not to keep the baby especially when I hear of "men" running off nowadays. For most of the centuries men have been in control of most things, including bringing home the bacon. If wives are expected to stay at home and not work then they have every right to choose on their own whether or not to keep the kid without the man's decision. This isn't Burger King you can't always have your way with everything.
@Lynn Males@facebook - Ever seen a woman president? Wonder why. Case closed.
He's just finding it hard. By the sounds of things, he's young and probably in no way prepared or ready to be a dad. From what you said, he was a great boyfriend until now, so it's not that he's a bad person - he's just scared. Yes, he could probably handle things better but hell, when I found I was pregnant (I miscarried), all I wanted to do was run from my responsibilities. It's scary, especially when you're probably not financially or emotionally prepared for everything that comes with being a parent.
Honestly, she needs to focus on her baby, and try not to worry about her relationship. Once the child is born, she can go after him for child support and he can either pay it or sign over his parental rights. Hopefully, once baby arrives, a sense of responsibility will kick in and he'll help out, but it's not guaranteed.
The guy is a dickhead for the way he treated his girlfriend. I hate dicks who beat around the bush and evade the situation. If he wants out on all of it, he should grow a pair and tell her straight up in a mature manner that he doesn't want to be involved with the child and does not want to support it.
It'll give the girl a clearer mind to realise her decision on whether or not she wants to still keep the baby.Some bitches are stupid and think that keeping the child will keep their relationship together. She needs to question herself about the responsibility that she's about to accept AS A SINGLE MOTHER by keeping the baby.
"There was no food at the apartment so she (and her baby) had to make due for the night."Oh, please, the parentheses was unneccessary; the thing is barely two centimeters.