Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Rejection is one thing we never want to face when we go out to meet attractive members of the opposite sex. In fact, many guys fear rejection to the point where they don't even want to take their chances and approach women they find attractive. Some guys will even put their lives at risk by jumping out of a plane or operating heavy machinery before they will ever approach attractive women.
Try to get your friend to go talk to that woman on the other side of the room that he had his eyes on all night - if he doesn't go up to talk to her right away, he never will. A lot of guys like to play out scenarios in their heads of everything that could go wrong in the approach. This is especially true among guys with little to no experience in approaching women and guys with low self-esteem.
The sad truth is guys WILL get rejected - constantly. I don't know of any guys who go out and have a 0% rejection rate. This includes NFL quarterbacks, guys who look like Justin Timberlake, and guys who are very skilled at meeting and attracting women. What sets guys who are very good at attracting women and guys who aren't apart?
The former simply DOESN'T CARE. That's right, the former has gone out and has been rejected enough times to where he can easily move on to the next girl. A lot of guys however (and trust me, I've been there too) feel like once they get rejected once or twice in a row that they have been branded with this big scarlet 'R' for everyone to see and thus their whole night is ruined.
What if I were to tell you that rejection can be a good thing? It sounds crazy, but it's true. Here are some reasons why:
1) She's Doing You A Favor. Women reject guys for many reasons, and most of them are for things you can't control. In fact, there are some women who will show up at bars and clubs with the sole purpose of being the center of attention and turning down every guy who approaches them. Some women are only into meatheads. Some women are only into guys who wear their favorite name brand of clothing. A lot of women will play "The Game" and judge you based on your delivery, which of course takes a lot of practice to get good at just like anything.
The question you should be asking yourself is "Do I really want a woman who can't accept me for who I am and has such low self-esteem that she feels the need to reject every guy that comes up to her just to feel better about herself?" If she's not into you, then she's not worth pursuing and chances are she's not your type - plain and simple. Move on to the next woman.
2) Conditioning. If you never fail, you will never succeed. That is the absolute truth when it comes to meeting and attracting women. Self-help books, PUA guides, and advice from friends may provide you some useful tools, but there is absolutely no substitute for going out there and getting rejected constantly. The first step to doing this however is to change your frame of mind. Many guys go out with the mindset of "Oh I hope she likes me and I hope I don't screw this up!" or "I hope I get a woman's phone number or, better yet, get laid!".
How about going in saying "I am going to rack up 50 rejections tonight!"? Just by reading that, your frame of mind starts to change when thinking about the situation. When you go out to approach women, you will feel more at ease because you are NOT trying to put on a performance and you're not trying to seek approval. When that happens, it may be difficult to meet your 50 rejections goal. Now I personally wouldn't go out there to TRY and get rejected, but some guys will.
I have a friend who will go up to every woman he sees and drop the line, "Hi, I'm Marvin The Martian. Wanna see my bowling ball?" That works for him. Like anything that you are exposed to a lot, rejection has a diminishing marginal utility, and the more you go out there and get rejected, the less impact it will have on you and the better you will be at handling it, especially if you run into a mother hen who just wants to be nasty.
3) You Will Improve Your Game DRAMATICALLY. It's one thing to learn how to dance in a dance studio with an instructor teaching you moves, and it's something completely different to try to do those dance moves in a setting with flashy lights, very loud music, and crowds of people carrying drinks all around you - not to mention women that have to rely entirely on your lead in order to perform a dance pattern correctly.
Who do you think will turn out to be the overall better dancer in the end? The guy taking advanced dance classes who knows some amazing moves but has never set foot into a club or attended a dance social, or the advanced-beginner/intermediate dancer who practices what he learned from the dance classes at the club every weekend even if it means messing up and embarassing himself?
In the same sense, a guy cannot expect to improve his game by just reading a bunch of books or listening to what works and what doesn't work. All too often, it's common to hear some sly PUA say "I will get a woman's phone number every time I try this technique", and a random guy will try it and it never works. Why? Because the technique was the PUA's and it worked for HIM.
The best techniques you can use are your own, and the best way to develop these techniques is to get out there, see what works and what doesn't work, stick to what works, and perfect them. When you get rejected, you can choose to either break the stone or polish the stone. You may have a great line that would work really well if you complimented it with the right body language. Hell, even canned lines work well with good body language.
Getting rejected can hurt if you haven't exposed yourself to it on a frequent basis and it can even make you feel like crap all night or longer. However, the more rejections you accumulate, the more you will see each rejection as an opportunity to seek out a better woman for you.