Wednesday, 11 April 2012
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and we're in our early 20's. He's never given me a reason to suspect that he's cheating on me, and has always treated me like a princess. We're high school sweethearts, and are still very much in love today. He lost his job about two months ago and he felt bad about not being able to support me and didn't want me to start having to pay for him when we would go out to eat and hung out together.
He went back to stay with his parents in Puerto Rico so he could maybe earn some money over there and relieve some stress he was having since he was having a hard time getting another job after this one. Also for me so I wouldn't be as stressed. He said he would only be there temporarily, and would come back around his birthday, which is in June. He left mid-March.
A week or two after he left, he mentioned to me that on his phone the timeline option wouldn't change on his Facebook, so I offered to change it on my computer, logging into his account.
Now, I've never been the type of girlfriend to spy on their boyfriend. I've never had to worry about that. We're together almost all the time, we trust one another, and he knows I would never do anything to hurt him either.
I logged into his account to change the timeline, when I noticed he had a single message in his inbox. No notifications, friend requests, nothing. I thought it was one of his family members. A lot of his aunts love to send mass messages and texts to all their relatives about the birthday/holiday, etc parties they're throwing. He doesn't really talk to friends much on his Facebook either, so I wasn't worried about it being some girl.
I curiously opened the message to see it was a girl we both mutually knew from high school who we barely see anymore. She had initiated the message, but it was ONLY to inform him (it was a mass message to all her friends), that she had made a new Facebook account and that was it. The conversation did start out innocent, but then he wanted to ask her something and to promise not to tell anyone.
He said that he had always thought she was beautiful since high school and wondered what it would be like to date her, and then asked her for some regular, nice pictures of herself, just so he can see. (She doesn't have many on her page). But then he sent another message, saying instead of regular pictures, NUDE pictures.
I was shocked. She said no, and I was also relieved and surprised because I had always thought she would have been the type of girl to do that sort of thing even though she knew I was with him. But I respect her so much more now after reading this. He said to her that I would never find out if they didn't say anything about it, but she kept saying no, nicely, but he kept pressuring, asking her to "show me that sexy body, come on please?" type of thing.
I couldn't believe it. Even after she said no, he was still going for it. But then eventually he just apologized and said, "I don't know what came over me...I'm sorry for pressuring you" and the conversation ended there with her forgiving him.
I flipped and called him about it and he kept denying there were any messages in his inbox. Even when I told him it was right in front of my face, he still lied and said it wasn't there. Not until 20 minutes passed of me trying to get him to spill and finally reading the entire message from innocent to vulgar, did he admit that he did it, and apologized to me.
He said, "I was going to tell you because I felt bad... and you even saw that I ended it and apologized to her." Yeah, right. Telling her I wouldn't find out if they didn't tell me, really got me 'believing' he was going to tell me.
He said it was harmless flirting, and that it wasn't cheating because he had no desire to meet up with her and have sex, only to see nude images of her and that was it. But why would you flirt with another girl besides your girlfriend if you truly love her? My body isn't enough? He kept saying it was, that, because she didn't send anything it wasn't cheating.
I decided to stay with him, but I still feel slightly insecure, even though he gave me all his passwords to his accounts and even deactivated his Facebook since he never really was a computer person anyway. He even wrote one last message to her saying that he was ending all of this and that he would never do it again.
We've recovered from it, and since then, we haven't touched our Facebooks and everything seemed to go back to normal with us and he's been reassuring me that he loves me every day since then and that he can't wait to come back to me.
So...please don't think I'm crazy. We've been together 5 years and this has only been one thing that's happened in the trust area. Nowhere in the message did he ask her to meet up and do anything, nor try to get her phone number. Facebook was his only way of reaching her in the first place.
What would you do if this happened?