You know what I am thinking about right now? I'm thinking a lot about the disadvantages of having more women on Xanga. Specifically, I'm thinking about what usually happens on a blog right after someone breaks up with them.
Surely, one of us, in our lifetime, has heard a woman spout about her relationship woes. How it all fell apart, how they must be moving on, what he did, and all of that. The typical response is that we think the guy is an asshole for letting her go. We condemn him and his existence and we hope that he learns from what he did to her. What I didn't realize all those times I have done it was, "What did the girl do?" Surely, the relationship ended for a reason, and the reason doesn't always fall squarely on their exes (most of the time, the men).
"Two sides to one story," right? That is the advantage to girls having their own blog here. If there are less guys on here, that means less of a chance that people, including at least one of their exes, will call them out on their bullshit. It doesn't really seem right for it to be like that. Yes, some men will lie, some men will resort to extremes...but who wouldn't? Heartbreak will make people do some crazy shit to prove they aren't ready to handle everything that comes with it.
Everybody wants equality, but then again, plenty of people, including women, like to play the victim in these types of things. How hard will it be to just let these things go and call it a failure or just a case of trial and error?
Why do we have to involve other people in this?
True
Comments (17)
Blogging site and social networks are all the same, only difference is that you get to insult with actual words that may hurt just as much as anything physical. We women just like to express ourselves even in the most silliest things. I just ignore any rude comment or snide remark, if you don't care then don't read my blogs and insult me for expressing what I'm thinking or feeling.
But I think that equality isn't something that's deserved, but something that the individual himself or herself earns by actually recognizing their worth, even if it is on a blogging site.
I agree there are two sides to every story, but I also believe that both my ex boyfriends did me wrong. And that I was not at fault..
because they are angry, sad, bitter, etc, and want sympathy, so that he/she doesn't feel that alone. sometimes they don't really want an answer, but for their rants to be heard and for other people to help them stone the sucker to death with words via public humiliation. sometimes they do want advice or they know the answer but are in denial, so they want the public consensus to tell them what to do, sort of like the who wants to be a millionaire game of asking the audience to vote.
I think a lot of women blog about how they FEEL. No one can blame someone else for feeling incorrectly. If someone wants to vent via their blog that is perfectly fine with me. Maybe there are men and women on here who feel that their blog is their outlet to say what is on their mind and receive some constructive advice.
At least that's how I see it.
Men bitch about their break-ups too. I've had my fair share of guy friends who've whined and moaned and complained about how their ex was a bitch because of "x, y or z". But I think it's healthy to be angry at someone who's hurt you. It just makes you human. So long as you don't go and vandalise their car or destroy their clothes or do anything stupid to get revenge, I don't think there's anything wrong with ranting and getting upset after a break-up.
It's healthier to let it all out than it is to bottle it up and pretend you're happy anyway.
fortunately, we have me--i'm pretty sure i (almost) always blame the problem on the op, and not the other party.
it's a bird! it's a plane! no...it's the notorious g.o.d.!
(funny you write this though, i was just thinking to myself earlier today that i think there have been 2 d-ish interns/editors EVER that have been male. shit, did i just admit i've been reading this from the beginning?)
Your posts always aggravate me. They are almost always about how women suck.
Do you not understand that people, in general, regardless of sex, suck?
Grow up and stop whining, you bitter misogynist.
Seriously? *shakes head*
I ...can't even really tell what this is trying to ask me. There are two sides to every story; I got that much. Then ...why do women blog about their failed relationships more than men? Is that where this is going?
I gots no problem calling someone out (male or female) for something I perceive to be involved in the demise of their relationship if they're going to put it out there for the world to judge.
Most people wanting a long-term relationship, I would imagine, don't just shrug and move on to the next person, though. They'd probably like to know what, if anything, they can/should do differently the next time around. If it's something they can change, anyway. Having some people who don't know you, who aren't going to filter their comments, who aren't scared of hurting your feelings is probably not a bad place to go if you have the ability to filter between who is offering constructive criticism (brutal as it may be) and who is just being a troll.
The only female blogger I've seen here on Datingish consistently blame the other person for the failure of her relationships is Jenn, honestly. And, well, I like to think she's not exactly ...average.
This phenomenon isn't restricted to women, it just happens that there are more women in a place like this than men. Men tend to commiserate with each other too, whether right or wrong.
I pretty much agree with @Grtt@xanga; you can get a strange sort of tough love catharsis out of posting your relationship issues to strangers that don't even know you.
That said I don't think relying on Datingish for sound dating advice of any kind is particularly wise, especially when it comes to very complicated relationship situations. The kneejerk reaction from Datingish is usually something along the lines of "Break up with/dump him/her" and then some sort of cliche like "There's plenty of fish in the sea" or "You'll find someone else soon" even if the OP's situation is relatively minor or extremely complicated to the point where it's not just simply a case of "break up or stay."
It's a good place to go if you want people to empathize with you, but not so great if you want serious advice beyond "Dump them and find someone else."
Who cares? They know that, we know that...but in the end, so what...a lot of girls have their relationship blogs and they have an audience with the handful of people that visit them.
Also a lot of these so called "mommy blogs" and "dating blogs" are owned by big corporations (like Disney). surprise!
@GoAway - Bitter misogynist? Whose blogs have you really been reading, for real? I've looked at a list of my stuff and it is not all about how women suck. In fact, I talk about a collection of stuff here that has to do with love. But thank you for proving my point. When one accuses the other of doing something, it wouldn't even matter if I hadn't come back to defend myself. Now before you cowardly tell a blogger to go away (actually, it's pretty smart that you left your true identity off here. I wouldn't want to embarrass you), go read the majority of my other blog, and then call me a misogynist.
Meh, if I want equality and sincere discourse, I know to look in places other than on the internet, or talk to people other than recent break-up-ees.
As far as a precedent setting, I think you have a point. It is really seldom constructive to simply blame all problems of a past relationship, including its termination, upon an ex. After the three-hundredth breakup... maybe it IS you. And if we are feeding a generation of growing daters into this mindset that it is always the other person's fault, then we are growing a generation of daters that is just unbearable to date. We've all met a dater or two with a list of standards twice as long as their list of exes, and getting longer with each new Matthew McConaghey movie (no, I can't spell his name, and I'm not looking it up).
The simple truth of the world is that rarely does someone have the ability to pick out and date a dozen or so assholes in a row... thankfully, the percentage of assholes to normal blokes is just not that high. By ratcheting up the expectations to the point where "can you believe he only tipped 5%? I dumped that asshole" is a common and accepted standards will create a serial dater who will keep herself from ever achieving a satisfying relationship... and perhaps we can lay some of the blame for that on her friends, who tell her that she surely deserves Prince Charming and more, no nevermind he only lives in cell-shaded worlds. Yes, everyone who dumped you was an asshole, because you are obviously a Princess. The birds sing when you smile, and men should swoon in your presence.
However, I also read a large number of blogs, written by females, on datingish and elsewhere, that discuss relationship insecurities, blame themselves for breakups, pine over exes, and count calories with frightening fastidiousness. And that would lead me to believe that there's a number of women that maybe just need to hate men for a week or two before they can hit the necessary self-reflection that any relationship should generate. So maybe it isn't a problem after all.
I enjoy reading your blogs, very thoughtful and analytical. Keep contributing please!
Hi everybody.
I recently saw a testimony about priestoflovespell@yahoo.com in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed,he wasnt returning my calls,he started cheating,he
was hurting me in many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted priestoflovespell..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back mark
I feel this exact way when I think about the relationship issues I had with an ex. I didn't tell my girlfriends how terrible he was, or what we fought about, or whatever...it wasn't anyones issue but mine and my boyfriends. Except that...well...he told EVERYONE, all the time. It ended up with his friends and family hating me, because I'm apparently a terrible person, and all of my friends and family loving him. No one ever knew my side of the story, and they really shouldn't have known his either.
i told my boyfriend to take a week space from me to sort out his feelings. i was hopeful that things would work out as he was always telling me that he loved me and had strong feelings for me. but all of a sudden he said that he wanted to be single and had doubts about our future together. i did cry but i did not beg him to stay. i said sorry for any hurt i had caused him and thanked him for showing me love. very hard but i did it with as much dignity as i could. but i never understand why he don't want to stay with me. but before he left he told me i am irresistible, lovely warm person etc but he just want to walk away from my life. the pain was awful. our getting together was fateful and we found out our birthday both 1st June. he is 43 and i am 44. it was weird. i thought we were made for each other. he deleted my numbers but i never let go of him. i wanted him back but he has made up his mind so i had no choice but to look for a way to get him back so what i did was to look for a spell caster to help me get back my lover fast as possible, when i came across prophetharry@ymail.com, so he did a love spell for me and the spell came out perfect, my lover reconciled with me and we came back together and since then we have been in peace and the lover is flowing perfectly
julie