My friend Julie recently started seeing a guy more seriously and they started to talk about their respective sexual history. My friend divulged what she thought was appropriate: serious relationships, a few tidbits of her single escapades, and a break-up or two. And then he asked the quintessential sexual past question: How many people have you slept with?
She thought little of it, shared the information, and then recanted the same question back to him. Suffice it to say that his answer surprised her. His number was four times Julie's (double-digit) number. She told me that she had to hold back her grimace. Because someone with that high of a number couldn't possibly be relationship material (OR CLEAN!) right?
Personally, I never ask the question. It's a mixture of just not wanting to know and it not being really important to the equation of whether or not I am going to like them.
Is the number of sexual partners your SO had important to you? Would you not be with someone if they had a high (or low) number?
Image Source
Recommend
Comments (74)
You should tell your friend and her bf to both get tested.
The number would concern me a tad bit. 1) I don't want to get any STDs if you contracted any but you don't know and 2) I understand that there were a point in your life that you were a whore and having fun, but it does make me question your commitment in a relationship.
Yes, it should matter. Also for safety reasons. I'm always loud and proud to share my number and I have nothing to hide whenever I tell someone. I hate when people say, "oh I don't want to tell you and I think you should put the past behind" as a cover up as though they are ashamed at what they've done. It's always good to be honest. If they want to have fun at the time and get with so many people because they couldn't care less about what happens at that point, then they have to suck it up and deal with the consequences when things like this matter to someone. This is why I don't really sleep around because if I did, I would have probably used the same excuse as those people not wanting to share.
If the number was high, it would bother me... at least at first. But I would hope that person would be able to convince me that they've experimented, but are trustworthy.
People are having sex younger and younger these days, which means the number of people, people have slept with is also probably increasing. Most people don't tend to stay in long, committed relationships, especially at a young age.
I'd like to say it wouldn't bother me, because I know I've been with a decent amount of people. I lost my virginity young and like I said, that usually increases the number of people you've been with. But it is hard not to think of people who has slept with a higher number of people than what seems acceptable to you.
But I am grateful that my fiance who lost his virginity to me at 25 years old, was not turned off by how many people I've been with. He accepted me for who I am and the choices I've made.
As far a number too low? Well, obviously that doesn't bother me:)
THAT high of a number would probably scare me, but that's really my preference. I mean that's at least 40 people...
I would be okay with anything under like 20 I think.
I would not be with "someone" if the number was over zero.
I would be with the one no matter what.
Would it bother me if it's a large number?
Extremely. Because then I'll have to go through all the hassle of killing those other people she slept with.
"He's joking, right?"
*Takes a bite of kielbasa with a straight face*
I honestly can't imagine dating someone who has had sex with other people, despite the fact that it goes against my opinions on sex. I'm just a very jealous person. I've only had sex with my fiance and he's only had sex with me, and I can't picture it any other way.
how do you define number? like all the way?
i wouldn't write anyone off as "not relationship material" just because of a number. i *would* do it because she is unclean. i don't fuck any girl without a condom--and if something looks like it's off down there, i'm not even putting my fingers inside you. i have readily kicked girls out of my apartment before.
by the way, i don't like this terminology of "not relationship material". it is too subjective. i consider a girl not relationship material if she doesn't like to have fun. if a girl has too few partners, i might think that she has a different view on sex from me. (of course, you can't glean that kind of information from just a number--it would require me to inquire a little further.)
just for fun: i think i heard once that 25% of college students have vd. supposing that your friend and her homeboy both fucked people randomly and unprotected from a large bucket of students, your friend is clean with a probability of 5.6% (assuming 10 partners), and homeboy is clean with a probability of 1.01E-4 %. she is not one to judge cleanliness.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - you have earned my respect.
@jeezshoua@xanga - i think their commitment should be more based on their behavior while in relationships than their behavior outside, don't you agree?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - :) thanks.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - For the record: You disgust me and if I didn't have so much to lose, I would enjoy readily kicking you off of my Earth.
*takes another bite of kielbasa with a straight face*
Double digits? Honestly, I'd be put off... but only temporarily. If his personality was right, it probably wouldn't bother me for too long. I'd definitely make sure he was clean before we start doing anything though. One can never be too safe...
A high number of sex partners concerns me. It tells me that she is too comfortable with her body and anyone can get a piece of it. I guess its all on personal opinions. But for me, it is a turn off.
I recently asked an ex how many girls he has slept with, I was his first ages ago. He tells me about 50!!!! I grimaced and said ewwww. Couldn't help it, was my reaction! He say's he knows but he gets checked regularly. All I could think was thank God I'm so over him. My current boyfriend has slept with 2 people less than me and I like that. Well, I don't like knowing he's slept with anyone besides me but let's be real. lol. But I prefer the number be lower than higher, though I guess I prefer not to know in the future.
There comes a point in time when the number becomes so high that you wonder if there is a problem.
I made the mistake of asking my current boyfriend his number, I wish I hadn't it wasn't to bad of a number but far larger then my own. It made me feel a little scared but we had already been dating for about 5 months. I know he is clean and has taken tests just to make sure he was it just made me scared at the time because if he was able to sleep with that many girls could he just be using me? We got past it though and we love each other very much. to me its not a big deal as long as the person is smart and gets themselves checked out. Safety is the main key to this I think. I defiantly wont be asking numbers if I ever get into another relationship but I will ask to make sure they are clean before having sex with them. Yes this might sound a bit extreme but you can never be to safe in today society.
Mmmm... The Dreamers. Nice choice in pictures.
I don't see a point in asking someone what their number is. Before sleeping with someone you should both get tested even if you think you're clean! Better safe than sorry :)
I think the number is important. If they had a really high number I wouldn't date them. It sounds like they just gave it away to anybody who was willing. Ideally I'd prefer my man to be in the single digits. There has to be one out there somewhere!
Yeah. Even if sleeping with more people doesn't make you a bad person or immoral, I still want to date someone who hasn't reduced sex to just a fun thing you do with tons of people.
I can see a few one night stands, a f*ck buddy here and there, but if you're getting to be around 15? 20? 25? 10 is a little shady to me even, but I'm only 21.
You can still think sex is a very intimate act when it's in a relationship, but when I've found that you've done it with tons of people, it's like you also view sex as something just fun to do with most anyone you meet.
I really want to know how old this person is. And yes, to me it matters, but I can't say that I would call it a deal breaker.
Honestly, I can't be with a dude who's number is a 10. I been with an ex, who has G-d who knows, and he's known as a manwhore, and after being hurt by him, I learned not to be with those kinda guys (common sense left me for those 1 or 2 months I dated him).
I actually think it depends more on circumstances than numbers. Five people in five years isn't a big deal at all, but five people in a month or something? Yeah, that's a problem, because it basically means he's into one-night-stands and not long-term relationships.
I mean, I'm 23 and I've slept with four people. That's not a bad number at all considering that's over a six year period and I was in relationships with all of them. But I wouldn't date someone my age who'd slept with four people in like, six months or something, because it shows a lack of commitment and it just shows we wouldn't be compatible.
So, yeah...I wouldn't reject someone for their number alone. I'd have to know the circumstances around it all too.
I personally can't deal with it. if he recently slept with someone like a few months before we started dating, he'd have to be celibate for maybe a year before I'd even think of having sexual contact with him, because it isn't just if he is std-free, but the thought of him recently being with someone else disgusts me, so I just have a natural reaction of get the eff away from me-you're still tainted! I don't think I'm a prude though. I can be very sexual, but it just seems like I'm interacting with "used" goods rofl. harsh way to put it but that's how I feel, so I guess we aren't compatible. luckily I met a guy, who feels the same way and doesn't think I'm crazy, but he feels a sense of relief that my standards match his. he's picky and arrogant just like me. usually the people, who don't mind have had many partners, so they are biased and will be more likely to cut the other person some slack or still have a liberal sexual lifestyle, which is their choice, and that's fine for them, and I have my preferences. to each their own.
Well my BF is 56 (10 yrs older) and he let it slip one night that he had had about 200 partners prior to me, and I initially called him a "whore." This took place back in his bad boy days... and til this day it occasionally bothers me more so because I wonder when he will simply become bored. He has reassured me those days are long over and he only wants me to live out his life with. On the flip side if he hadn't given me a number I would still have fallen in love with him, wanted to be with him etc so why should it have any bearing?
I would probably never tell my number to an SO, not because it's high or anything but just because it has nothing to do with anything. Very few of my friends even know what it is. I'm clean so it doesn't matter. But I would also never ask for or want to hear theirs. As long as he's clean and only with me prior ones don't matter.