Sunday, 08 April 2012
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Sloppy Seconds, Anyone?
Ah, yes, the joys of high school....drama....One of my most cherished friends has been a friend since I was a freshman, and she was a sophomore in high school. Her name is S. S has been through a good bit of drama like everyone has in their lives, but most of her troubles revolve around relationships. I've always been there for her from hook-up to hook-up and short relationship through short relationship. S is very...confused. She is always with someone, then she "sexts" someone, and then it goes downhill for her.
She has a very hard time with guys, because she clings to every boy she can, and within the first week, she says the dreaded of all words to teenage boys... the "L" word. As much as I want to be honest with her, I'm scared to tell her that she can't just go around sleeping with everyone and then crying about not being able to find a decent relationship.
She has gone to every single one of my ex-boyfriends and sent them dirty pictures and went out with them after I did without my permission... which is one of the biggest violations a girl can commit in a friendship. Sloppy seconds, anyone?
To this day we still remain cautious friends, letting the past fade away, and I, as a good Samaritan, comfort her and am there for her, because she's a bit suicidal, and I know I'm the only person she can talk to.
My boyfriend (we'll call him J) and I have been dating for about six months. I've never had a long-lasting relationship, and this is very new for me. He is a really respectful, nice, understanding person, mostly a chill kind of dude, that doesn't really get into drama or anything. He and I have a pretty good relationship full of trust and a good chemistry. We barely ever fight and I'd say I'm extremely happy.
Last night after school, he surprised me with a visit after he took his mom to work. We went for a walk to the park across my house. We are not sexually active, because I'm shy and I've decided to wait. He respects my decisions, but every now and then we get into the subject of our past experiences with the opposite sex. Somehow, we wandered into the subject of a girl who tried to hook up with him...little did I know, this girl was S. "I've been sexted before." I stared at him (I'm very sensitive), and I could feel my ears get hot. "By who?" I asked reluctantly. "S," he replied.
I was completely and utterly taken aback. I started to feel tears rim my eyes. S had tried to screw around with MY boyfriend and didn't even tell me... I admitted silently to myself that this was not a surprise, and I shouldn't have given her another chance at our friendship. My boyfriend watched my face and cupped my chin in his hands. "Are you okay?" I started to sob when he told me that he told her, "Take it slow with your striptease."
I wanted to get up and run away, but he quickly added, "I went along with it for a little bit, just to get her out of my hair. I want you to know that I love you and you know I would never ever do anything with S, even if she has tried multiple times." I wanted to scream. What the hell was she doing with my boyfriend?! My voice was stern, "When was this?" "Your freshman year, and my sophomore year." I remember that year... S introduced me to J my freshman year after I kept shyly googly-eyeing him from across the room. I was smitten, and she knew it, too.
At this moment, I wanted to explode. I pressed my face in my boyfriend's shoulder and cried even more. My "best friend" had stabbed me in the back, once again.
So here's the big Q. Should I confront her about it or not?!
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- From: lovelikerockets422@xanga
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Comments (53)
She may be pulling dick moves, but if she is sexting your exes while you are NOT in relationships with them, that is frankly none of your business. The same with your current boyfriend - if she sexted him BEFORE you two hooked up, then it's not a problem. Yes, it's nice to "ask permission" but your exes are not playthings that you own even after you're done with them.
At any rate she seems like a liability. Keep her at arm's length or better yet, become one of her best buddies again so you are in the loop as to how she acts and feels, and then you can prepare accordingly. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
PS - any guy who "goes along with" sexting isn't doing it for the girl's benefit.
Well, the questions is, "Did she sext him before he became your boyfriend, or after?" If after, then yes, you should confront her. Tell her that your friendship is off. She crossed the line when it came to sexting with your boyfriend.
If it was before, then you would need to sit down with her and talk to her about her "problem" and what you told us before. She will most likely need to hear it. It's her life, but when she's whining about why she can't have a long, lasting meaningful relationship, then she needs to hear it.
I would confront her and end the friendship for your own sake and for your mental health. She seems like an extremely toxic person.
XoxoSeriously this read like childish preteen pettiness. If it's something that happened before you were even with him, why do you give a fuck?
You both are 15. WHY are either of you sexually active or sexting at ALL? None of these relationships are really love, none of them will last. Both of you need to put this into prospective. If I were you, I'd be seriously worried about your friend contracting an STD or pregnancy, or even getting her "sexts" passed around the school. THAT's what you should confront her about, as a concerned friend.
Sorry, but it's the truth.
May
Hahaha this definitely reads like a high school diary.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - I think you can have serious relationships when you're 15. I had one that started when I was 15 and lasted until the guy and I were both 19. Sure, we were both complete idiots when we were younger, but I'm almost 22 now and still consider what we had to be love.
@LightBlue21@xanga - But how often does that happen? I agree, it can, but I wouldn't bet my virginity on it.
how about you just drop her. She is NOT (and never was) your best friend!!!!
I had a "friend" who would go through my ex and my hook ups because she was jealous that I was getting attention and she wasn't. Now that she's found a long term boyfriend I can trust she won't go after anyone I like anymore. I called her out on it, too and she saw how she behaved. Hopefully she grew up from that especially when she now has a long term boyfriend she doesn't want to screw it up with. I would confront her. It's not good to keep things bottled up, especially after so many times after she's done that with you. And again, don't be too close or hanging out with her or introduce her to any of your other relationships if you have any. My friend who is similar to S, we talk here and there and hang out occasionally but we aren't really close friends anymore.
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If it had happened before you two were dating, I say let it go.
If it had happened after you two dated, it's partially your bf's fault, too, but more of S. Your bf should of stopped it the moment she started sexting him and she should of never sexted him in the first place knowing that he was your bf.
I don't know about you, but I would of dropped this "friend" a long time ago.
I would never date my close friend's ex. Best thing is to ask permission once again if it is your close friends. You can confront her about it if you like. If its not worth it then you should just let it go.
Your friend is insecure. I *used* to have a friend like this. She'd try and fuck around with everyone's exes/guys we were interested in to try and prove she was just as good as everyone else? At least that's what I can guess the reason was. It's like she was competing with us? But, anyways, your friend sounds alot like mine, and she's not going to change. No matter how much you help her. I'd say, have a talk with her about what she's doing.....because she's really doing this because she's very insecure and unhappy. And then drop her. Feel sorry for her at a distance. She's not going to change until she wants to.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - Really? Just in my high school, I can think of 5 couples off the top of my head (including mine) who lasted longer than 3 years. They were all asian couples; I didn't know too many white people in my school.
@LightBlue21@xanga - That's your experience. From mine...I can name one. And, again - did any of those middle school couples end up married? I think dating while your young is fun, but you need to be realistic about it.
She will take advantage of you and stab you in the back for as long as you let her. Her being "a bit suicidal" is not your responsibility. She is no true friend at all, none worth cherishing, so you'd be better off confronting her and then dumping her.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - I mean, it doesn't really matter if they end up married. You were saying her relationship wasn't real love and that it wouldn't last, you weren't saying they wouldn't be together until death. I was just saying that I think 15 year olds can feel love. Sometimes a bit immature, but still love. And I feel that if I've seen multiple couples who've been together 3+ years, the feelings they had when they were 15 must be somewhat genuine.
if she did it before he was with you, you need to calm the fuck down.
as long as he and she are no longer exchanging these sorts of texts, it's fine. i don't see why you should break your friendship with her if she hasn't harmed you.
It's high school romance, try not to take it too serious. If it ends up being a long lasting relationship then great but don't plan your life around your high school sweet heart being happily ever after.
"It takes no time to fall in love but it takes you years to know what love is." -Jason Mraz.
Drop the friend and drop the guy. Neither one of them is your friend.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - I...wasn't saying they would spend the rest of their lives together. I said they could be in love. You said they couldn't.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Then let me rephrase if it is such a concern for you: infatuation at 15 feels a lot like love - in 99% of cases, it's infatuation. Can love at 15 exist? Some claim so. Is the author most likely experiencing it? No.
Yeah... that's not what sloppy seconds is.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - @LightBlue21@xanga was just letting you and the OP know that her feelings could or couldn't be love. How traumatizing to be 15 asking for advice and the internet tells you your feelings are wrong.
You can also reverse the situations between you two. Just because you didn't see a lot of 15 year olds date and marry, doesnt mean that it is the norm either. 'thats just what you've gained from your experience'
When you generalize anything, it weakens your arguement. remember that.