Sunday, 08 April 2012
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Relationship Break: Please Help!
Hello, I am new to Datingish. I don't think I will be using the site for very long, who knows. But I need some insight, or advice.I am a 15-year-old male in high school. I will be turning 16 in a few months, while my girlfriend is 17, and will turn 18 towards the end of the year. We have been dating for about 4 months now. Saturday we decided to hang out together for a few hours and we haven't been able to spend as much time together because she has been very busy lately (she likes to keep herself busy). We've both been busy with school work.
This date however, didn't feel the same. Two or three weeks ago, we used to love spending time with each other but ever since the last time we hung out (which is two or three weeks ago), she has been feeling more stressed out. I give her space; I don't force her hang out with me because I know how busy she is. I do not abuse her, I'm not controlling or anything. The only crime I am guilty of, is hiding my emotions.
I always put a smile on my face and pretend nothing is wrong. But two days ago, I asked her, "How do you feel? How do you feel about me? I'm very scared asking this, but I've been feeling less confident lately." She responds by saying she doesn't know. She hasn't been able to think for the past week or so and needs some time to think. So I respect what she says and give her some time.
She then texts me the noon of and says that she thinks that we should break up; not completely break up, but go on a relationship break. She wants some time to find herself again apparently. I called her and spoke to her about the text and asked her if we could hang out today just for an hour or two to talk and we did. From hanging out, she decided that it would be best if we went on a break to be able to find herself, or rejuvenate because she is going through a tough time right now.
I made her shake on it, that by the time she finds herself if she still has feelings for me and I for her, and was not with anyone else, we would get back together.
I need some advice, what should I do? I haven't slept since Thursday and I cannot think. Is this just another weak way of saying that she wants to break up but wants my feelings to fade away so it won't be so devastating? I'm afraid of becoming good friends for the time being because then I would most likely be in the friend zone, which is the WORST zone.
I kind of want to leave her be for a little bit, just to give her time to reflect but that seems very difficult, she was my best friend. I don't want to show her how I'm feeling because then she would feel bad and not want me to go through it and end it for good. But there is also the chance that she has just lost the feelings for me.
What do you guys think? Please be as honest as possible.
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- From: rockleaf146
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Comments (8)
This is her way of keeping you on the leash while she checks out other guys. She will "find herself" or "rejuvenate" herself in a hurry once she finds another guy out there who she feels will better suit her needs.
Don't waste your time dating her. Tell her it's off.
Man up.
There are no "zones".
If you want her, fight for her and never give up.
Take no prisoners.
http://youtu.be/aWxBrI0g1kE
life advice: when a girl says she "wants a break" she really means she's done with you. sorry, kiddo--but this is the way life works. relationships are only temporary. the best you can do at this point is at least save your own ego and dignity by telling her that you consider yourselves fully broken up.
the good news: there are uncountably many amazing girls out there. give yourself some time to figure out what went wrong with this girl (you probably won't get to ask, especially if you're the one who's "officially" dumping her) and learn from your mistakes. you are very, very young, and have much to learn, and many years to spend womanizing.
She doesn't want to be with you, but she's too immature and inexperienced to be able to directly tell you her real feelings. It sounds like there are communication problems all around, and that alone can ruin a relationship.
Well... both of you are very young. She's going to be an adult in a few months and you are still going to be only 16. I'm 19 and I can tell you right now that becoming an adult is the hardest freakin thing to do because you are washed over with a butt load of responsibilities that your used to your parents taking care of for you. You have bills, employment, gas money, the need for transporation to and from school/work, and you also have the ending of your high school career and the beginning of your college career. I can understand why she feels stressed out and probably really flustered. You as a new 16 year old still have your parents support for all of those things and like most high schoolers, a hopeless romantic. It sounds like the both of you shouldn't date anymore because #1- you're on a different level of reality for the time being and #2- the difference in age. Yes it's just a year+ or so, however, when you're in high school the age of the person you date really, really matters because there's the concept of college and starting your own life.
I don't believe in relationship breaks. You're either together or you're not. IMO, it's best if you move on. What's the point of waiting around, so she can "rejuvenate" herself and when she's ready, if both of your feelings are mutual, you two will try again? Seems pretty pointless to me. I mean, what if she don't feel the same? What if you met someone else? You two are just holding each other back.
Personally, I don't believe in breaks. They are complete and utter BS. You or anyone for the matter does not need wait for someone who is so uncertain about themselves and needs to fix their shit. You need someone that can function properly in a relationship and give you their best, and not something half assed. I know it's not easy because you do have feelings for her, but move on. It is easier said than done and believe I am going through a similiar situation. Whether you be 15 or 22 (like me), you will come across people like these. But you learn not to put up with stuff like that because (1) there are a bunch of other people who are willing to and (2) out of self- respect.
You're not some toy that can be emotionally jerked around with.So, keep yourself and start preparing yourself to move on. Don't wait around for her either. Best of luck :)Be strong and break it off. I'm speaking this from experienced with my ex. We were already broken up and I was devastated. She has started seeing some lowlife rebound but she still control my feelings towards her. I was emotionally weak. She would get jealous or angry of girls I'm talking to and what I'm doing... She has no right to tell me what to do or who I see. She wanted to know that "Haha! I still have you by my finger tips stupid ex-boyfriend!" She was so evil to play with my heart like that. Giving me hopes that we would get back.
I know its going to hurt, but in this situation it is best to follow your mind and not your heart. Once the break up is done with. Please avoid all contact and do not check her social network sites. Be strong! Cry if you need to or be with a friend or family member at all times. Use this time to better yourself.
Good luck friend!