I didn't really understand how much this girl liked me until it was too late. Her love for me and my desire to be with anybody turned into something that it shouldn't have and ultimately destroyed our friendship. It resulted in a lot of awkward moments knowing that she had feelings for me and me attempting to not say anything around her that may be considered as flirtatious. It was overwhelming at times and drove us apart completely.
I knew that whenever Elaina went out at night, she would drink a ton and get high and liked to ask random girls to make out. She is a completely different person when she is drunk as opposed to when she is sober.When she's sober shes quiet and I don't even notice shes there. But when she's drunk she's a hot mess. So I didn't think it would be a big deal if I made out with her one night after realizing that a friend of mine didn't have feelings the way I did for him. (This was when I first met her and I had no clue that she had such a crush on me)
The next day she apologized profusely telling me how that really isn't her. And it really wasn't me either. So we eventually stopped texting each other as I didn't really want to continue talking to her and I found it hard to do so with what happened. It was a awkward situation after all.
Things got even more awkward this semester when she took the life drawing class that I did. When she saw me she was really surprised and I could tell she was stunned to see me. And for the rest of the semester I really made a point to continue to ignore her. Since I didn't want anymore awkward moments with her. And we also stopped hanging out last semester when we first made out anyway so why should I begin to try to talk to her now?
But slowly she opened up and began to talk to the circle of friends I talked to during the class. "That's fine", I thought. Since we are all the same friends now, tried to hang out with them a few nights since she was hanging out with them anyway. It was this past Friday when things got super out of control.
Elaina always likes to let herself loose and have a good time without any restrictions put on herself whatsoever. So this weekend we both got drunk and high at a party. One thing led to another, we began making out, and before I know it we are in her backyard and she is going down on me. Of course whenever I am drunk and high, all I want to do is be with people. It really doesn't matter who that person is, really. I'm actually kind of a lonely person at times who likes attention and just wants to feel loved. I don't mind kissing girls but I don't want to date them.
But this time...she took it way too far. The next day I woke up feeling disgusted, ashamed and guilty. And since I was high I really didn't know what was fully occurring. While she was making out with me this time she was talking about the last time we made out....and she remembered the date. I was so surprised but this made me realize that she did still have strong feelings for me. I did get mad at her because she told me that I was gay. But that's seriously not the case. I told her after the first time we made out that I am fully straight. She said what we did was beautiful and she was upset that I wouldn't come out already.
Honestly I didn't want it to go as far as it did. And when I sent her a Facebook message about it she misinterpreted every little detail that I ever said to her big time. But doesn't that happen when your madly in love with someone? And since she seriously has no control of herself and her actions when shes drunk, and since I'm just a lonely person in general, it's a deadly combination. She claims that I used her. Which isn't true at all. She still has to find herself. She's quiet when shes sober but loud and crazy when she's drunk. And she's a lesbian who fell in love with her straight friend. I feel bad for her.Have you ever had a friend fall in love with you? Do you have any advice for me?Image Source