I didn't really understand how much this girl liked me until it was too late. Her love for me and my desire to be with anybody turned into something that it shouldn't have and ultimately destroyed our friendship. It resulted in a lot of awkward moments knowing that she had feelings for me and me attempting to not say anything around her that may be considered as flirtatious. It was overwhelming at times and drove us apart completely.
I knew that whenever Elaina went out at night, she would drink a ton and get high and liked to ask random girls to make out. She is a completely different person when she is drunk as opposed to when she is sober.When she's sober shes quiet and I don't even notice shes there. But when she's drunk she's a hot mess. So I didn't think it would be a big deal if I made out with her one night after realizing that a friend of mine didn't have feelings the way I did for him. (This was when I first met her and I had no clue that she had such a crush on me)
The next day she apologized profusely telling me how that really isn't her. And it really wasn't me either. So we eventually stopped texting each other as I didn't really want to continue talking to her and I found it hard to do so with what happened. It was a awkward situation after all.
Things got even more awkward this semester when she took the life drawing class that I did. When she saw me she was really surprised and I could tell she was stunned to see me. And for the rest of the semester I really made a point to continue to ignore her. Since I didn't want anymore awkward moments with her. And we also stopped hanging out last semester when we first made out anyway so why should I begin to try to talk to her now?
But slowly she opened up and began to talk to the circle of friends I talked to during the class. "That's fine", I thought. Since we are all the same friends now, tried to hang out with them a few nights since she was hanging out with them anyway. It was this past Friday when things got super out of control.
Elaina always likes to let herself loose and have a good time without any restrictions put on herself whatsoever. So this weekend we both got drunk and high at a party. One thing led to another, we began making out, and before I know it we are in her backyard and she is going down on me. Of course whenever I am drunk and high, all I want to do is be with people. It really doesn't matter who that person is, really. I'm actually kind of a lonely person at times who likes attention and just wants to feel loved. I don't mind kissing girls but I don't want to date them.
But this time...she took it way too far. The next day I woke up feeling disgusted, ashamed and guilty. And since I was high I really didn't know what was fully occurring. While she was making out with me this time she was talking about the last time we made out....and she remembered the date. I was so surprised but this made me realize that she did still have strong feelings for me. I did get mad at her because she told me that I was gay. But that's seriously not the case. I told her after the first time we made out that I am fully straight. She said what we did was beautiful and she was upset that I wouldn't come out already.
Honestly I didn't want it to go as far as it did. And when I sent her a Facebook message about it she misinterpreted every little detail that I ever said to her big time. But doesn't that happen when your madly in love with someone? And since she seriously has no control of herself and her actions when shes drunk, and since I'm just a lonely person in general, it's a deadly combination. She claims that I used her. Which isn't true at all. She still has to find herself. She's quiet when shes sober but loud and crazy when she's drunk. And she's a lesbian who fell in love with her straight friend. I feel bad for her.
Have you ever had a friend fall in love with you? Do you have any advice for me?Image Source
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Comments (41)
I've got news for you...she's not the only one who has no control over herself. You can use the "lonely" and "high" excuses all you want but the truth is obvious. Now it seems you have to face the consequences for that.
This is a disaster. If you didn't want to date her, you shouldn't have allowed yourself to let these things happen.
@heythereJOANN@xanga -agreed
That's no way for either of you to behave. My best friend is lesbian and if I ever found out a girl treated her the way you treated your "friend" I'd probably beat the hell out of the other girl. Being lonely and intoxicated isn't an excuse. If you know you're like that then you shouldn't be getting drunk or high. You obviously can't handle it.
I've been sort of in your situation, but certainly not to that extent.
I had a friend named Raven in high school, she was bisexual,and made it very clear she had a crush on me. She would hug me, put her hands places they shouldn't be til i slapped them away, and consistently ask me how i knew i didn't like girls if i didn't try it. She even went so far as to say she would get a sex change for me, rename herself Damien, and come back for me. Awkward situation? I'd say yes.Remember when I said she was bisexual? Well, while she had her eyes on me, she also had her eyes on this guy Nathaniel. When I started dating him (we're still together), I felt really really bad, because she had a crush on both of us and then we got together. But I also knew it wasn't fair to ever lead anyone on, and I had been really careful to make it clear that I wasn't interested in coming to "the dark side" as she liked to put it.All that asideIt was not wrong of you to be this girls friend. It was a bad choice for you to put yourself in a situation where you knew you two would probably end up doing things you'd regret. You just can't let situations get out of hand like that if you don't plan on following up on it when you're sober.
So, I hope you learned something from this experience, and don't make the same mistake again(:
Seriously? You twat. You should have more self control, you may not have done it on purpose but you led her on.
Don't feel bad about yourself, it wasn't such a big deal. I mean how many guys don't kiss a girl without any intention to get serious. It doens't make it okay but it gives some perspective on this whole thing. It's okay to experiment. It's not okay to play with someones feelings but I don't think that what you did. It takes two to tango and what's the point in blaming one or the other? Just because I'm's gay doesn't give me immunity to get my heart broken. Take it from me. I kissed a girl and got hooked. You didn't. Who can tell in advance? I couldn't. Take care
there's a female at work, who isn't catty, but actually seems fond of me. she compliments me and calls me pet names. she checks me out and tells me how good she thinks I look. one time she was petting part of my arm because she said that she likes the way the fabric on my clothes feels
there was another time that she made an excuse to touch my hand. when she's around me, I noticed that she purposely sticks her ass out more in hopes that I check it out, which I did, because it is out in ze open
I still find toned arms on a guy hotter than a female's squishy butt. I'm both sort of creeped out and flattered that she is actively checking me out at work. I'm not sure if she's bisexual, lesbian or just admires me. however, I don't really want to know. my work schedule has changed, so I don't see her that often and she can't make sly excuses to pet me:D a second however is that I don't see it as sexual harrassment, but I like how the other women are seeing this happen and probably why they don't like me, because not only do some of the men pay attention to me but even this woman agrees and adores me. your situation involves sexual contact and making out rather than just casual flirting, so more feelings are involved, and don't do it again and don't feed her obsession by talking to or hanging out with her again.
Wow that is pretty messed up how you obviously knew the girl liked you and you say you don't like her but then you get drunk and high along with "lonely" and just use her to fill a void. Way to lead someone on then crush their heart most likely. I hope I don't see anything from you being upset over a guy using you for a booty call. that would just be karma kicking you back with what you spit out. Getting drunk or high isn't an excuse for getting loose with everyone that's just classless.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - You know you're only going off assumptions of your own right....has this women openly said "hey I like women and I like you."
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http://www.shoes4world.com
Well.... You're leading her on.. Of course she will think something more of it. I kind of feel bad for the girl tbh.
@ScaredNLovely@xanga - I know, that's why I said that I'm not sure.
I clicked on the article for the photo of Tegan & Sara. That is all.
Sometimes I feel like these posts are problems that we can handle on our own.. but we rely on socializing and interpreting other's perspectives to solve for us.
Tell her that you don't feel the same way and give her some space so she can heal. By giving her space I mean blow her off, hang out with another friend for a few weeks and see how she's doing.
Really.. you know what you have to do, you just need to wait for your heart to catch up with your head.
I got news for you- if drinking can lower your inhibitions to the point where you feel comfortable making out and having sex with someone of the same gender, then you clearly aren't as "straight" as you think you are.
That is not an excuse. How you treated your 'friend' is exactly why I don't trust people enough to put myself out there. You lead somebody on, then expect them not to try anything and follow through with the lead you give them. I don't feel bad for her. I am personally proud of her ...I feel sorry for you for being so narrow minded.
I agree with the first poster, you are both toxic. You can't talk about how out of control she is when she is drunk or high when you are equally out of control. You may not have been trying to use her, but that is what happened. You were lonely and she was available. You took advantage of the feelings she had for you whether you meant to or not. I hope that you learned from this situation and that you are more careful with other people's feelings and your own as well. Loneliness can lead to your own heart getting broken.
You don't sound very straight to me....
You both need to learn self control. You feel bad for HER, SHE has no control. You have some serious issues if you can't understand that being so "lonely" that you will hook up with anyone who gives you any attention is a problem!! You need to find yourself as well and quit placing all the blame on her. You did lead her on.
How the fuck does a woman 'fall in love' with another woman? Besides, that's just sick. Faggotry/Dyketry should both be banned. The State needs to take action immediately.
stuff happens when you're drunk. and in your case, drunk, high AND being, errr..."serviced."
while i think you should've told her straight out you plainly weren't interested, a part of me understands the concept of convenience and delirium quite well.
i can't even imagine myself kissing a girl, but if i was drunk enough, and didn't give enough of a care?
who knows what might happen.
self control is important. but what's more important is state of mind. i think in your case, you didn't mind experimenting and was appreciative of the attention your friend bestowed on you, which is all good and dandy. you thought you did your part, but she still came on to you. at that point, resistance was futile. you weren't in the state of mind to care.
understandable.
just let the girl have some space, apologize, and if you still want to have her as a friend, you need to tell her what role she plays in your life, and tell her the boundaries you have with her.
@LegionOfLucifer@xanga - Oh god. You're an asshole. Prepare to get flamed. =\
I like Tegan & Sara.
I'm high right now and I'm absolutely coherent. I feel good, but I know not to go that far in using someone to fill the void of my loneliness. I'm also absolutely straight, and having a girl caress me anywhere is enough to make me shake in discomfort. So to me, you sound like a bag of excuses.
There's nothing wrong with just wanting to hook up, it's just that the way you present yourself right now is that you lack control, responsibility, and the ability to own up to your own faults and intentions.
I kind of feel bad for the other girl. Geez.