I hate the break-up process. Seriously, it sucks. There are always tears, a lot of emotions, and the resurfacing of past wrong-doings. Either you are the one doing the breaking, which means that you have to have all the answers. Also, in my experience, it also means a lot of late night phone calls are coming your way that you don't really want to answer. (Has anyone realized that you tend to talk to your partner more when you are breaking up than when you were actually together?) And if you are the dumpee...then you are left in the dust, searching for answers. Seldom is it really mutual.
However, breaking-up long distance is a little different. In my experience there are two kinds of long distance, which in turn means two kinds of different break-ups.
The first kind of long distance, which is the most common, is when you live in the same country. You would think that long distance is long distance, but actually living in the same country creates a different kind of relationship. You can call and text this person on your cell phone. They are relatively easily accessible in the event that you need to speak to them...especially when breaking up. When my boyfriend, who lived in a different state, and I broke up there were a lot of phone calls. Too many phone calls actually.
The second kind of long distance is international. Your communication relies almost solely on Skype and the occasional email. Reaching them in an emergency is close to impossible if you are expecting immediate results. And actual phone calls and texting? Forget it. So the break-up process here is much different, but very absolute. When I decided to finally call things off with someone overseas if took a lot of soul-searching, but the process was so much simpler. A single Skype session. One follow up email. And then, nothing.
Readers:
Have you ever broke up with someone long distance? Did you find the process to be easier or harder than breaking up with someone you lived in close proximity to?
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I broke up with my ex over the phone, and we had been together for 3.5 years. I lived in NJ and he was living in Washington D.C. Not a major distance, but I wasn't about to spend $160 on a train ticket to break up with him, and I don't do city driving so I wasn't about to drive there either. It is worth noting that back when he was living right outside Philadelphia, he often refused to make the 90 minute drive out to see me, despite having no job and nothing else to do. So...I haven't lost any sleep over not making the effort to do it in person.
He never spoke to me again after we broke up, so it wasn't that bad - the only real complication is getting your stuff back. He sent me back a bunch of stuff, even things I had given him as gifts...but he held on to an expensive bottle of imported balsamic vinegar I'd left in his kitchen cabinet. Jerk. lol
It was never long distance, but I have broken up with people, and been broken up with. It sucks on both ends, and you do end up talking more for a while before you drift apart for good. I find that an argument like "I just don't feel that way toward you anymore" is the clearest, especially if there was signs ahead of time (e.g. less communication). Specific faults also need to be mentioned, if relevant, because they can help a person do some self analysis. Or give them something to bitch about to their friends, which can also be helpful ;)
Anyway. Skype has fairly cheap international calling, at least to get a hold of someone and ask them to get ON Skype. And texts are a few cents?
I broke up with my ex long distance over the phone. We didn't really talk much afterwards because he tried hard to be colder (and succeeded). I mailed some stuff back to him because I didn't think it would help me to keep it. I don't regret that decision at all. We talk now fairly frequently though, so maybe that's why I don't have regret.
I had to break up with my ex long distance over Facebook chat. I know it sounds shitty and cowardly, but I wasn't going to see him for another six weeks, and he knew it was coming and refused to answer the phone to me, so I didn't have a choice.
We're friends now and he's told me he understands why I did what I did. I admit it wasn't nice but I didn't have another option. I wasn't about to stay in a relationship that wass making me miserable for six weeks just because he wasn't answering his phone.
I broke up with my ex long distance... via an icq message (is that even still around? anyway)
He was an abusive cheater, among other things... and I remember vividly the message.
"My Soon-To-Be-ExBoyfriend... While you were busy cheating on me I wrote you a little poem. Here it is... just for you! Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, garbage is dumped and so are you! Have a nice day a**hole".
I dated another guy in my town before him and we were great as friends.... everything was perfect until that first kiss.. and it was not good, we stopped dating very soon after but decided we made better friends... we laugh about it now...
It's actually not impossible to call and text internationally.
I studied in Ireland for two weeks while my fiance was back home (the U.S.) and we found that you can purchase credits from skype for about $5 and it gives you unlimited talk time for about a month! You can also receive texts for free and set up a texting plan through skype or your cell phone plan.
While it may not be the most desirable situation, it is possible and if you're willing to stay with someone while being a world apart, I def think it's worth it.
Distance really does suck though. My last relationship was long distance and I noticed things were fine when we saw each other - but when we weren't physically together, we fought a lot. Even being away from my fiance for two weeks sucked, but it was easier knowing we could still talk and I'd be coming back soon.
This is the problem I'm dealing with now. I live in the U.S., my boyfriend lives in France, and I just got accepted to grad school in Canada. He is unwilling to do the long distance thing anymore (it's been 8 months), and he wants me to give that up and come live in France. I am 50/50 on this because I would like to live in France, but I also would like to go to University of Waterloo. Basically, he's given me an ultimatum: come to France or we split up. And I don't know how to deal with it.
Try being dumped on Facebook and then never hearing from him again.. Then him reappearing when I'm engaged, saying how much he regrets everything. Oh the joy.
@IBNerdy@xanga- Hey I went through something very similar recently...hence the post. Except it was for Germany! I had myself all set up to study abroad in Germany...but I knew it wasn't gonna work out with this guy. I still might go overseas...but certainly not for a man.
I've only ever had to end a relationship once - it was long distance, but I still saw him every other weekend. I thought about it for quite awhile if it was what needed to happen. He eventually asked if we should take a break and I thought breaks were stupid. Then, when I suggested it a week later, he flipped out...which was hard, and we didn't go on a break. A week after THAT, we went on a two week long break. Then he texted me and told me it wouldn't work, and that it was over. I was relieved, but it was a dick move.
@o0_Gina_0o@xanga - Ouch!
My ex broke up with me over the phone when we lived 1,400 miles from each other. It was easier that way and I preferred it. There was no chance of us bumping into each other afterward and feeling uncomfortable or not knowing how to go about interacting with one another, etc. We had plenty of space to ourselves and it was good.
I only lived 250miles away and we were together for over 3 years, he broke up with me on the phone. I don't care what anyone thinks he should have told me to my face. It was a case of we met, fell in love and he had to move away so he was someone I knew really well. I am disgusted by him dumping me by phone, I deserved more!